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I need some major advice

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by SweetChaos, Feb 26, 2010.

  1. SweetChaos

    Regular Member

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    Okay so I am bisexual preferring girls but I have been dating a guy for the past well 10 months this March 11th, my issue is the longer Im with this guy the more I miss being with girls. He gave me a promise ring which Ive accepted and we have discussed getting married someday. He is a really sweet guy, and to be entirely honest he has never ever treated me badly or with any range of disrespect...I dont want to ruin a good thing but I cant shake how I feel. Being with a woman is so natural, Ive tried talking to him about this but he just gets nervous that Im going to leave him.

    -Confused
     
  2. padre411

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    Hey -

    Okay, I'm a 47 year old gay male who was closeted almost all of his life. I may have a little trouble putting myself in your shoes.

    It seems there are two possibilities. One is that he is comfortable with an open relationship, as far as you and women are concerned. If monagamy is required, the other possibility is you figure out whether you desire for intimacy with women is a need or a want. Then you have to figure out if you can life without fulfilling those desires.

    I don't know exactly how you figure out the second possibility. Perhaps a break from the relationship and a period of exploration? Perhaps finding a gay-friendly counselor with experience in helping relationships.

    And I'm sure other people on EC will have other ideas.

    peace, Mike
     
  3. Lexington

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    Denver representin'. :slight_smile:

    Relationships don't end just because "somebody did something wrong". Both people have to be committed to it. And, to be honest, you're not sounding like you're committed anymore. He may not have "messed up", but if you're not feeling it, you're not feeling it.

    I'd say it's time for another talk with him. And it might be of the "giving the ring back" variety. You need to let him know that you ARE bisexual, you DO favor women, and that you're no longer feeling comfortable committed to him. Keep it all on yourself. He did nothing wrong, you really like him on a friendship level (and even a physical level, to a degree), but you're finding yourself thinking of women more and more. And given that, it's not fair to him to keep him attached to you. He deserves to have someone that loves HIM - completely. And that woman is out there. That woman just isn't you.

    Lex
     
  4. Jim1454

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    ^ What Lex said. For sure.

    If I had known then what I know now I wouldn't have put my wife through what I have. So I really think you need to have that conversation and lay things out there in the open. Just because he doesn't want to hear them doesn't mean they don't need to be said.
     
  5. joezimm48

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    Hey there,

    I think you should do whats best for you right now. Not anybody else just you, if you feel like you are gonna break up with him you should. If you don't stay together. You could ask if he wants to experiment with a girl.
    Best of wishes,
    Joe
     
  6. Lucy

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    Though I'm quite a bit younger than you, I'm experiencing the same exact problem right now.
    I currently have a next-to-perfect boyfriend, but still find myself needing an intimate closeness with a girl. We ultimately decided that we'd have some time off to explore other people and decide what will be of us, which I think is the best way to sort things out in a situation like yours.
    I understand that your boyfriend is afraid of you leaving him, but you're a half of your shared relationship with him. If you aren't totally sure about being bound to him through marriage, that will certainly affect things later on. Please don't think about getting married without being more sure of yourself! If he really respects you, he would allow you the time you need to live things out before seriously considering marriage with him. Good luck :slight_smile: