Have you found that people who question their sexuality between being gay or straight mostly end up being gay or straight? If you are torn between both sexes I would think you are more likely to be gay but not sure. Help please.
I'd say those who question are more LIKELY to end up gay (or bisexual), but that's not necessarily a given. I know a couple straight guys who say they wondered for awhile if they might be gay, so it certainly isn't as if "questioning equals gay". Lex
I'd say in many cases, if someone thinks they might be gay it's because they have had a gay thought or fantasy and get worried. Most teens have atleast a few gay fantasies even if they dont want to admit it. It's a normal part of growing up. But if you're still questioning after a certain age, you're more than likely gay or bi.
My own experience in talking to and working with a lot of people is that by the time people admit that they are "questioning", it is frequently a sort of a bridge to acceptance of being gay. Also, I think a majority of the people (but certainly not all) who label themselves "bisexual" are also using that label as part of their "bargaining" process (in the 5 stages of grief) on the way to coming out fully. However, I also think that as young people are more and more exposed to gay and lesbian people, and realize that it's not terribly stigmatizing to be gay or lesbian or bi, there's probably more of a contemplative process that goes on among straight people in considering whether or not they might be other than completely straight. So as others have said, I don't think that questioning automatically means one is not straight, but I do think that for the majority of people, it probably does indicate they're somewhere on the continuum. And, further complicating matters, sexuality is a continuum, not a binary or trinary thing, so the labels are more just convenient and simple ways to describe ourselves in shorthand, but a lot of people who identify as "gay" are not truly Kinsey 6s, and likewise, a lot of people who identify as "straight" are probably not truly Kinsey 0s either.
I would have said that anyone who was questioning who any proper amount of time was probably gay, until I saw Lex's comment. He is right, but by far the majority of people who do think about it end up as gay. If by gay you mean not straight, so they could be bisexual. I was more bisexual until quite recently, and it wasn't as a way of making it easy for me. I think once you concede that you're not straight and that boys can be hot, you have accepted that to yourself, and there's no big deal after that between gay and bi. While I was bi last year, I wanted to stop being attracted to girls, as it just made my life that bit more complicated. I thought it was a good thing for me that I see a particular girl less now that she's graduated, as it helped me settle at one point on the scale.
Actually, it's kind of odd that, when I look back, I never questioned being gay. I tried denying it, shutting it out, forcing myself to become straight... But the question was never whether I was gay or not. It was more about whether I could change that... From my (admittedly very small) experience with people who were unsure of their own oriëntation, most of them turned out gay. On the other hand, I know a guy who discovered he was straight after all. However, those are only the people who openly admitted questioning themselves. If the rest of my friends did, it was probably more of a passing thought, rather than an existential crisis. So it's probably a biased sample: those who really admitted questioning seemed to have already spent quite a bit of time thinking on it before admitting to questioning. I'm guessing that if you spend a lot of time on it, that might be because there's quite a bit to think about. and, as Chip said, it might have been their way of testing the waters, to see what people's reactions would be to them being non-straight. I think the most important thing about questioning is that it does take time. Coming to big conclusions can't be hurried. All you can do is take your time, think, and wait until clarity comes. And in most cases, it does come eventually!
I'd experienced the same problem last year, and i came to the conclusion that, because I know i'm at least somewhat attracted to both sexes, I would identify myself as bisexual until an answer became clear. Personally, I don't think you should trifle too much on the label of being either "gay" or "straight", but rather just keep dating and the answer will come out on it's own.
I think questioning is more than likely to mean you're gay or bisexual. Just because it seems unlikely to me that you would engage in much questioning about your sexual identity if you were always attracted to what was considered the norm.
its because most people who question it out loud mos probably have figured already what they are but still in hope that they are not
