Apparently I have been "damaged" and that's why I chose to be gay

How do you know that he will never accept it? Can you see into the future? If so there's this lottery coming up... Nah.

Are you familiar with the five stages of grief? It sounds like he has a few stages to go. But you're doing the right thing. You're expressing yourself in a patient, friendly, accepting, and understanding manner, and that's really the best thing you can do in this situation.

Does your mother know? Maybe she could talk to him about it for you if she is accepting.

 

Aww thats tough im sorry you are having such a hard time but you are doing the right thing.
Do you have other supportive people around you?

 

I'm sorry to hear that. I hope and expect that he'll come around one day. If not, that's really his loss and no fault of your own. (*hug*)

 

1. I think he's been reading Freud. :dry:

2. If he thought he knew you, he thought he knew the closeted you, which isn't the real you.

In any case, as others have said just keep it up and he'll probably get used to it.

 

"a man sees what he wants to see and disregards the rest, lah lah laaaah."
We all have blind spots, and its hard to be critically honest with ourselves.
Too bad his blind spots, right now, are so big. Blind spots may shrink, over time. Love may lead him there.
Mission Impossible: Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to show him the fallacy of his present thoughts. It will be a slow process. Eg. two years ago I WAS AGAINST GM! Live is a journey, and his will continue unless he's Archie Bunker, and even love won't lead him to openness.

 

sounds like your step dad has the backwards idea that being gay is something happens to you, instead of just being the way you were born.

 

I reccomend this movie to everyone. It's called "For the Bible Tells Me So". And it's on Youtube, for free. It focuses mainly on US families but of course the themes apply the world over. Tell him you would like him to watch it.

 

my mum blamed herself for me being gay, she thought that her and dad's rocky relationship had somehow damaged me or made me gay, like some sort of psychological trauma that can be fixed. i think you just need to give your step dad some time, my mum has come round to the idea of me being gay now, she's even met my boyfriend and liked him, you just need to give parents time to get over the shock of you being gay and hopefully they will see your no different and perfectly happy and healthy, and that this isn't some phase that will pass in a year or two, your gay and its not something that's going to change

 

There's a few things you mention in your original post that disturb me a little, and suggest to me that your step dad is having a hard time with more than just your sexuality. He sounds like he has other internal issues that are probably complicating his understanding of things. I'll wager he'll be a tough one to ever reason with and that he'll probably never come around. I think it might help for you to just tune him out and avoid these confrontations with him altogether. I trust you have others in your life who are supportive of you - surround yourself with them and don't let him influence your outlook on life. You don't need his approval anyway.

 

I love the idea that "gays recruit". I usually respond to it by saying "...and straights breed, because they can't get anybody to sign up to be straight."

I think you handled it as well as you could've. There were no magic words that you could strung together to make him "get it". In similar situations, I usually say something like "I don't know why straight people think they understand gay people so much better than gay people do." And if people want to argue that I"m gay because Dad didn't love me enough or Mom loved me too much, I just say "I don't agree with that. I think it's just how I am. But regardless of how it came about, I'm gay now. I've accepted that I'm gay, and I'm enjoying being gay. So let's just leave it at that." If your stepfather wants to keep working on "fixing you", remind him that you're not interested in getting "fixed". "Maybe you think I'm damaged, but I quite like myself the way I am." And either he can accept it (or at least stop bringing it up), or you'll find some more interesting people to spend your time with.

Lex

 

I am proud of you. You handled this in a great way! I think your step-dad might benefit from reading this brochure from the American Psychological Association.

http://www.apa.org/topics/sexuality/sorientation.pdf