I got to say that this is an amazing website right here. I'm actually surprised that it exists since most websites I go to in order to find help with my situation are just full of sleazy old men who want to take advantage of confused and vulnerable younger guys. The problem I currently have is trying to figure out a way to come out to my best friend, my parents, and the people I work with (who are pretty much a second family to me). My main worry comes up because I've had a horrible record when it comes to telling people I'm gay... I told my sister over a text message and my older brother over the phone (my brother currently in denial about the whole thing). This really hasn't encouraged me to tell anyone else but I know that I'll just be depressed and miserable unless I do. First there is my best friend whom I've known since I was five. In a way the two of us really don't share much about our feelings or anything like that (in other words a very macho kind of best friend relationship) but I pretty much see him like a third brother. The problem is he has a slightly homophobic personality that strongly shows whenever the subject of homosexuality is brought up. It's like he'd rather just ignore it rather then acknowledging that it exists in the world. The make matters worse we haven't been hanging out as much since he graduated High School (this isn't due to a strained friendship but more because of my work schedule and his complicated family life). It was hard enough before we finished High School since he went to a public school and I was home schooled. I'm worried that if I came out to him he'd just try to distance himself even further and our friendship would fall apart entirely. He's also seems like the type of person who might think take as me declaring a sexual attraction to him (which couldn't be further from the truth). I see him as a friend and only love him in a platonic way. Next are my parents... My father is a pastor and bother my parents are Christians (as am I). I'm positive that if I come out to my parents there won't be any problems with my living situation (since I live with them). At the very worst they might kick me out of the house for a few days and I've already have the permission of a friend of mine to stay at his house if that ever happens. I worry about the lasting relationship since I know that my father did not react well when one of his best friends came out to him. My dad ended up cutting off most connections with this friend of his which leads me to believe that if he wasn't able to handle his friend being gay he might have a harder time with his son. My mother is a different story since I use to think she'd react with an emotional melt down but lately I'm not so sure about it. All I know is that my dad preaches that even though he thinks homosexuality is a sin he believes it's more important to love a person and to show them the same love you would show them if they weren't gay... I can only hope that he will practice what he preaches... And I'd like to note that my parents are NOT those typical Christians you see on reality shows who shove their views down your throat. My dad is an excellent pastor I think that any problems they would have would actually be because I'm their son. My third coming out issue is with my co-workers... Normally this would choose not to come out since my sexuality would have nothing to do with how I work so they shouldn't need to know... The problem is I've formed close friendships with almost everyone I work with. I don't just work with my co-workers but I play video games with them, go to movies with them, and discuss my problems with them. Almost everyone I work with has become a close personal friend (including my bosses). The main issue is that I work at a Christian organization and that makes me worry over being fired if I ever told anyone I work with... I've studied up and the state I live in (Oregon) does allow for an religious business like the one I work in to fire an employee for being gay... It's the best job I can get in my area and I love it, I love the people I work with, and I can't imagine being forced to leave. Anywellwaynow... That's me... Feel free to comment, give advice, or just welcome me into this wonderful message board. If I'm in the mood I might even respond with a Haiku.
Welcome to EC MisterThomas. I'm not the best person to give you advice or help you with a problem but I can try to "express" as best as I can for you, sorry if this isnt much of a help tho dude. First of all, you've known you're friend since you were 5 that is alot of years and friendship in there. I don't think he would ignore you because you've known each other for such a long time, but like they say "if they cant accept you, they were never you're friend to begin with" seems harsh I know. You could also perhaps hint to him that you're gay. You're father and mom would be surprised and more than likely in guilt (?) for a few days but they should still love you the same as they did before because you're there son, they should be proud of you for even having the courage to open up and come out. If they do kick you out (which I hope they don't) you always have a place to stay for awhile thanks to you're friend, and after a few days I'm sure they will let you back in, I know if I ever had a son/daughter I would never kick them out, I would be proud of them 100% Christian or not. You're co-workers and bosses have formed a friendship over the time you've worked there, and IMHO I think they wouldn't kick you out/fire you for being gay even tho you stated that they can fire you for being gay (which seems very wrong in my books). If I were you, before coming out I would look in the newspaper/online to find a job so that if they do fire you, you have another place that would be willing to hire you for around the same pay you currently get now. If you have any questions feel free to send me a PM, I'm usually on late here when my parents are asleep so I have my privacy and can chat to friends without them walking in on me. I hope I helped you in someway.
I read the your post Anxious to get some advice And say WTF! I kid you... I just wanted to write a haiku. I guess what you are saying makes sense. The only thing is with work it would seem to be more being fired due to policy and not anything, "YOU'RE GAY! YOU HEATHEN! LEAVE THIS PLACE AND NEVER RETURN!" I guess that if the people I work for really are friends then they would look beyond policy and do what's right...
From what you you've told us, I would agree with Tropical. You're 'best friend' doesn't sound like he's anywhere near as close to you as your new friends at work. This happens alot - we have friends from our neighbourhood that we just stay friends with - even though you might not have much in common any more. So if you're uncomfortable around him then go ahead and tell him, and see what happens. If he doesn't remain close, it's likely more a function of you having drifted apart already. Your parents sound like very decent, loving people. What went on between your dad and his friend is not necessarily indicative of how he'll treat you. If he is preaching tolerance, then I'm sure he's tolerant. BeckyG on this site is a mom who has a gay son, and she's active in the local PFLAG organization in Oregon! So she can point you to all kinds of resources that might help. Finally - your friends at work might not have any issue with your orientation. I guess you need to decide what's more important - being open and honest with them, or keeping this job (if you really think it would be at risk...). I would doubt it, but you'd know best. Good luck. And again - welcome to EC!
