The roommates that I currently stay with are very homophobic and I've decided I need to move out. None of my friends are currently in need of a roommate, therefore I need to branch out and move into an apartment with randoms. Now, I go to a fairly liberal college, but I'm wondering, do you think it would be a good idea to bring up the fact that I'm gay with potential future roommates and find out if they care, or should I just move in with people and not really care either way. Personally, my sexuality is something that I don't think should influence my ability to live with people so I'm hesitant to bring it up.
I would ask them casually what they feel about gay people. Maybe mention the prop 8 trial and be like, "What do you think?" Just find out what they think about gay people before coming out. Good luck!
I've gone back and forth on this question myself, and honestly I've realized the best thing to do is be up front and just ask right from the start to get it out of the way and save yourself. Honestly nothing is worse than ending up in a living situation where you have to hide who you are. Also, ideally, you came out to bring some guy you like home with you sometime, so it helps to have roommates who are cool with that.
I would say let them know you're gay. It can't hurt. The worst thing that happens is you end up getting a single room.
Hi there! Sorry to hear about your situation. I think it really depends on how comfortable you would feel with the idea of having to come out to people that you don't know. Although it might be good to be upfront about it but should really everyone with whom you could be talking about moving in know? If you feel comfortable with it, disclose it. That said there also ways around it. You could check out if your college has a LGBT club or group on campus (if you are not part of one already), and maybe try seeing if they know someone who is looking for a room mate. Also, check out your college off campus listings or postings on campus as you might find something that could be suitable. Usually any listings on college/university sites has to conform to your college's policies on human rights and respect for diversity (Maybe check out the university's statement on that as well and try finding out what it says). But alone this would give you a start to find a place that might be a lot more accepting and you might not even have to come out right up front. Hope this helps a bit!
I was just dealing with this question not that long ago myself. In my opinion, I want to be sure before I live with someone that they're cool with who I am. Are you talking about a permanent(ish) situation here, or is this a temporary college-roommate type situation? If it's the latter, I suppose you could argue that it isn't such a big deal, because at the most you're only stuck with them for the rest of the year.
Yeah, again, you don't think it's a big deal until you want to bring a date back to your apartment. And even in temporary situations that gets old.
I've always told people who were considering moving in with me as housemates. Just felt it was a common courtesy. For people who are cool, it makes no difference to them at all, so no harm no foul. But if someone does have a problem, best they know before they move in
Well, if your roommates now don't know you should tell them and see if they actually do care. If not, you don't have an issue. If you do move out, you best tell your potential roommate. If not, you might end up in exactly the same situation as you are now, whereas if you had told them you could avoid it a second time around.
Thanks for the advice. None of the apartments where I live really have living rooms, just kitchens and bedrooms, which means that if I did bring a guy over, as long as I shut my door, no one would ever actually have to see any PDA. In terms of my current flatmates, it's more complicated. They are hardcore evangelical conservative Christians. They have gay friends but they still think its wrong. They're good people but really I just need to leave this conservative evangelical Christian world (which I have been a part of now for many years) and living with them it feels like I constantly have these two worlds pulling me apart. I generally don't care when people are homophobic, if they don't want to know gay people like me then whatever, I've got enough friends. So, if my flatmates were non-religious and homophobic I wouldn't really care too much. Also, while I wouldn't mind living with other gay people, I'm not sure I want to seek them out specifically. I'd fear my whole or a significant part of my social life becoming revolved around my sexuality. All that being said, I'm not sure if I'll say anything. I think I'll play it by ear, depending on the people, but from what you're saying I can see that it would probably be a good idea.
This is one of the reasons I typically have straight room mates. I really don't want my life to revolve around the fact that I'm gay (to be real frank I find gay culture largely irritating but that's a topic for another post), and I want to have a broad spectrum of friends and contacts. That being said, this is a part of who you are, and when you live with someone that's going to make them a part of your life whether you really intend for it or not. Honestly, it's better to be upfront and get it out of the way. The sooner you do, the sooner there' no stress about the living situation.
I don't think your current situation is very complicated at all. You should never surround yourself with people who are bad for you or who give you bad vibes. No matter how strong or confident you think you are, it's going to bring you down. And as for telling new flatmates up front, I would definitely do so - otherwise you risk getting back into the very same situation you're trying to leave behind!
I think it'll depend on what type of living arrangements you end up with. For instance, I once roomed with two truckers. They were nice guys, but I NEVER saw them. They were always on the road. When I'd come home and find one there, it was a big surprise. I didn't feel the need to tell them I was gay, since how could it matter if they weren't at home ever? Other times, I felt we were going to be put into close proximity right from the outset, and there was more of a vibe of "let's hang out" than "here's where you'll be staying" - in those cases, I've mentioned it. Lex
Telling them that you're gay would be an immediate way to see how they'd deal with it. It's what I did with my current roommate.
if it makes you feel any better, my roommate is not homophobic but we had a HUGE falling out last night and i came home tonight to find that he jizzed on my desk. count your blessings.
