This is why I never stand up to my mom. She's said more hurtful things to me in my lifetime than I could even count. Whether it's been caused by alcohol, or drugs, or one of her moods (if you don't know what BPD is: [link]), she's done enough for me to consider her an emotionally abusive parent for most of my life. And so yesterday she's screaming at me, saying I should just move out with my dad, saying I'm a "spineless puddle" who only cares about him because I can't stand up to anyone. And I was upset. So I stood up to her. I told her basically what was the truth. That I was tired of thinking I could count on her as a mother and that she'd never been there for me. That she'd promised me so many times she'd get help for her addictions and mental issues but hadn't even tried. That her behavior hurt me, and that I was so sick of constantly having to babysit her when she wasn't sober. And today, she's sitting on the sofa across from me, crying, telling me that because no one cares about her she's moving out on Monday. THIS is why I never stand up to my mom.
It's unfortunate, but addicts need someone in their life to take a stand. And perhaps that's what you've just done. Although she is interpreting your statements to mean that you don't care about her - which I'm sure isn't true. You DO care about her. But you're letting her know that while you care about her, there are boundries that she keeps breaking with you. And you're not going to stand for it any longer. Have you ever attended Al-anon or Ala-teen? You should. You probably need help right now almost as much as your mom does, given the years of abuse that you've suffered. Going to one of those meetings and meeting other people who come from a similar situation would likely help you understand how to best deal with her as well. I'd strongly recommend that you look for one of those groups and go. Both you and your dad would benefit.
She sounds like she's gotten quite good at manipulating people. Her screaming rants finally didn't work with you, so now she's had to go to Plan B - the "you hate me" gamit. Do your best to try to see the motivation behind the actions and words - it'll help keep you from getting swallowed up in them. If you REALLY didn't care about her, you wouldn't care if she was on drugs, or needed mental care. You'd just say "Whatever" and get back to dealing with people you DID care about... And Jim's suggestion is a great one. Do go check out those groups. Lex
A master manuipulator, like Lex said. I'm sure you only would wish the best for her, but no matter what happens in her life from this point forward you are only responsible for yourself. You can't make choices for her and shouldn't have to be the parent for her. If staying with your dad is a real option, perhaps you should. At your age you're finishing highschool and thinking about a career... that needs to be your focus, not on parenting a parent, even if it's hard to walk away.
I totally agree with Lex - she sounds like she's quite skilled at getting her way. No reasonable parent would resort to those kinds of tactics. If she seriously moves away from you and your dad (I assume you live with your dad right now?) that sounds like it might not be a bad thing... but this sounds much more like a tantrum from an addict who's used to getting her way and will go to all lengths to get it. Most importantly I hope you realize that this says nothing about who you are as a person, and that you've played no role in causing her mess - she's the master of her own mess. The sooner you escape this situation and get to a mentally secure environment the better.
