Hello my is Ajay well you can just call my whitsy well anyway I need some major help I’m pretty certain that I’m gay but I’m trying to deny it and when people ask me if I’m gay I deny it as you can see I’m having a bit of trouble coming to terms of who I’m am but that’s only half of my problems when I eventually start too come out too people as I’m kinda afraid of what’s they reaction is going to be especially from my parents as I don’t want to disappoint them as I’m they only son so I’m meant to carry on the family name so I really don’t know what to do but did thought of not telling them but I shouldn’t do that to them or should I. I need help
Before you think about coming out to anyone, you should first be able to feel comfortable with who you are. Maybe you can try to pinpoint exactly what is bothering you about being gay that would make you try to deny that fact. As for "carrying on the family name", I can definitely relate. Even though I'm not the only son, I'm the eldest, and that fact has always weighed heavily on me. I was able to come out to my friends after I accepted that my being gay wasn't going to change, and that I could potentially live a happy gay life after all. However, I still haven't told my parents though (for many reasons, actually, not just because of the eldest son thing) for fear of disappointing them too greatly. And disappointing your parents is probably one of the worst crimes an Asian can commit, haha.
^ I second that. You need to feel comfortable with yourself first. Only then should you contemplate coming out to others. With respect to the parents and the family name and stuff, that's tough. However, it is what it is! You can't change you, so you're not going to get married and have a traditional family as your parents would envision. But that's not going to change either, so don't worry about it. They will simply need to get used to the idea. It won't be easy, but if they don't then it will be them living in denial - not you.
^ I third that. Can I do that? Anyway - it seems you have two issues here. You can only address the second (coming out) when you have dealt with the first (accepting yourself.) I see you accept that you are trying to deny it. I can only recommend that you don't worry about it too much. It doesn't matter what sexuality you are - you needn't put a label on yourself unless that makes you feel comfortable. Are you nervous of being gay because of what people think about homosexuality? Where do you live? It is other people's problem if they are uncomfortable with that. You can't change, and as Jim said, you don't want to be living in denial. Also, many people are only homophobic because they don't know any gay people - most of my friends have now come to terms with that, so it might not be as bad as it seems! A
Hello Ajay, Welcome to EC. The biggest step you will need to take is "coming out" to yourself first and being comfortable with that. We all have our own journey to take and there is no time schedule to follow so don't worry about telling your family so soon. Remember you need to feel comfortable about your own sexuality first. That can take some time. You did the best thing which is joining EC. This site can be of great help in giving you a chance to sort out your feelings. I know this from my own experience. careandrespect
I strongly agree with everybody above^ Well, like they say, you have to accept yourself rather than to fight it, because it can give you such a powerful stregth that you cant even imagine, and that strength will have you to come out step by step, hearing advices from people is only half of the key, the other part is yourself We know it's hard to accpet yourself, but if you fight it, you'll feel lots worse than just to let itbe there, becaus ethat's who you are Just stick around here, we;ll help you to master yourself and help you to come out About others, i understand how you feel, but since you are proud of yourself, whatever they say wont affect you, but you need too get comfrotable with yourself, proud bout yourself first and about your parents, it's the biggest problem we teenagers are facing, but through time, wait till the right time to tell them, I'm sure they'll understand
Just want to say thanks about the above posts I just truly can’t come to terms of who I am; I’m just not yet comfortable with the fact that I’m gay.
I can't say I have much experience with this, but I'd try to make sure I was gay before I told anyone. I'd want to clearly know whether I am straight, bi, or gay before. And like other people have said you will need to accept the fact first. I'm going through like the same thing as you
The plurality is correct, you must be able to accept yourself, prior coming out to anyone else. Is there a particular reason that causes you not to accept the reality that you might be gay? I read about the external pressures from the family, but are there any internal reasons that you are denying that reality? If it is all external pressures, is there a way to mitigate the pressures to come to a self-realization free of external biases?
