I'm afraid to post ..

How much longer are you gonna be working with him? Is it just for a short time that maybe you can ride this out by doing these escaping activities, or is it for much longer. And does he know what a difficult time you are having, dealing with him, his relationship issues, etc?

 

Well, frankly, it sounds like he's really insistant you join into this little drama of his.

Might I ask what exactly you do when you get messages or calls like this? Do you reply? Do you ignore them?

I'm thinking that replying is the worst thing you can do about it. When he texts "you obviously hate me" and other things like that, he's not looking for a discussion, he's just demanding attention. No matter what you reply, he's going to keep sending depressed messages like that. Basically, like some little children, he has found the only failsafe way to get attention is be miserable and needy. Solving his problems would mean giving up the attention (even if it's negative attention) and that's not something he wants to do.

It might take a professional psychologist some time to solve this, so you're not going to find the miracle cure right here, right now. The only thing you can do is just cut him off more, I'm afraid. If he texts you with emotional blackmail like that, then don't reply. If he texts you with relevant info, then do. He'll have to learn the hard way that if he wants attention, it will be by approaching this professionally.

I know that's easier said than done. I'm truly sorry it's proving to be a sucky tour. But it's probably impossible to truly fix. Damage control by keeping your interactions with him purely professional is your only option. Don't get involved in these text battles and little dramas. You don't have to reply!

Lastly, I'm sorry if the replies I gave to your previous threads sounded like I'm shouting you down. I guess I just tried to convey that you're not entirely blameless. If you keep giving hints that you'll allow yourself to be emotionally involved, then he will use that. And you can't allow that to happen anymore.

It's really hard, yeah. But don't lose hope. You an get through this! (*hug*)

 

Hmm, I can see how that makes it awkward. Still, I stand by my original assessment: he insists on making it all about him and about you giving him attention.
I'm reminded of the famous Truman Capote quote (paraphrased): "But so far this conversation is me talking about me. Let's talk about you! What do you think of me?"

Maybe you need to sell it to him like you need a bit of a private life.
Something like: "We spend a lot of time hanging out. We drive in the car, we do this play together, we do the administrative work... This is all eating a lot of my time. Outside of work, I just need to have some private space where I can talk to other people and not think about work or what goes on with my colleagues. It's nothing personal, but I just need some private space every day!"

And if he insists on infringing, just ignore him. no matter if his text is agressive, or pleading, or genuinely friendly. Just ignore. Be pleasant when you need to be with him, but outside of that, don't ever let him lay claim to your time!

Again, I know it's easy for me to say this. I don't have to drive in a van with him. And ignoring people isn't fun and makes you feel like the bad guy (or at least, that's how it works for me). But if it's your sanity in the balance, then you'll just have to be tough!

 

You don't have to get involved in the drama. Seriously. You can draw your lines and simply stick with them.

>>>We needed to get paperwork done today and he had all the stuff and I wanted us to do it together, but in the process we had a text message battle with him telling me...

Not sure if this was before you got together or what, but if so, just be clear about what needs to happen. "Look, whatever you're going through, put it on hold so we can take care of the paperwork that needs to get done." And if he keeps wanting to play the "you don't like me" game, don't play. "This isn't about interpersonal relationships right now. It's about all the paperwork we need to get done."

Each time you're together, and he starts going off on his boyfriend, cut him off at the pass. "Look, I'm sorry you two still aren't getting along. But you're digging a trench by walking over the same bit of ground over and over and over again. I'm sorry you two aren't getting along, but there's not much advice I can give." And if he pulls the "you hate me" card on you, be honest. "No, I don't hate you. But you're not very pleasant to be around when you're like this. I signed up for this gig because I liked the idea of (whatever it is you're supposed to be doing), and thought it might be fun. I didn't sign up to be your 24/7 counselor and support system. I don't mind listening to the troubles of my traveling companions once in awhile - that comes with the territory, and I'm fine with that. But with you, it's a 24/7 soap opera. And always at precisely the same spot it was at the last time I saw it. Spending time with you means hearing the same story about how dreadful this relationship is, over and over and over again. Given that, yeah, I'm going to prefer to spend my time alone."

Lex

 

Well, the fundamental truth of working for any company is that in the end, they want the job done. If you have fun doing that, then good! If you don't, well, as far as they're concerned: tough luck!

You've made your point to them, they said no, and any further pushing the issue on your part is going to make you seem like the annoying one. It's probably best to keep your venting to other channels, and not bring it up when contacting the company. It's not pleasant, but it will give better odds at keeping the job and getting a more enjoyable assignment next.

 

Accept the things you can not change, and change the things you can. It's that simple.

This doesn't have to cause you emotional distress. You need to learn how to distance yourself from this person. Make it entirely professional. Entirely.

And as a professional myself, I don't like receiving text messages from people about work. If you need to do some paperwork, then you go to his room and knock on the door and ask him for the paperwork. You can ask him if he'd like to do it with you now. Otherwise, you do it yourself.

Make it clear that you don't like receiving text messages from someone who is sitting next to you in a van. If he has something to say, he can say it to you directly. This person sounds incredibly childish and imature, and you HAVE TO rise above it. If you come across as being just as whiney and imature, then you're not likely going to be asked back to do this job again either.

It is your CHOICE to react (or not to react) to your coworker's bad moods. He actually has absolutely no control over your happiness unless you give him that control.

I'd like to hear about how you're implementing some of these suggestions...

 

>>>See that's the thing. The company knew all this about him, however, I am not allowed to complain about it or feel that this is unfair to me.

Perhaps they did. And you HAVE complained. And now that they've got the complaint, what exactly are they supposed to do? Tell him to knock it off? Send someone out to replace him?

As Jim highlighted (and I pointed out before), you don't have to be sucked into this. As we've said before, yeah, it'd be great if he were a fun guy without any extra baggage and you could hang out with him a lot. But apparently he isn't that fun, and he's got plenty of baggage, and he isn't fun to hang out with. So that means deal with him when you have to, and you're on your own when you don't. Don't keep looking to him to suddenly become something he isn't. He's a guy who wants to complain and bitch and moan about how awful his life is with his boyfriend. If you feel like participating in that, you know where to go. If you don't, you need to find something else to occupy your time. Get that camera, start your writing or drawing, start visiting the local scenery and eateries. But don't keep going back to him expecting him to be suddenly be better company because that's what you'd like. He ain't gonna be.

Lex

 

I am a very upfront person, and you may not go about things the same as me, but I'll tell you how I'd handle the situation:

1) I'd change my phone number so I wouldn't recieve his horrid messages.
2) I'd stop letting him dump all his baggage on me, I'd tell him to quit it.
3) I'd have it out with him over my feelings and how he has no right in any situation to depress me with his psycological bullying.

I used to get something similar from girls and guys at my old school, they'd act like I was a horrible person and I was unworthy of their acknowledgement, but in the end I just grew a think hide and began to think, 'if the best thing they have to do for fun is make me miserable then how boring must they be as people?'

And I had school every day with these people so I was sort of stuck with them as well.

I know it might seem hard but the healthiest thing you can do is cut people like this off, because from what you've said he is psycologically bullying you into being his dumping ground that he can go off on whenever he feels like it.

 

When one tactic fails ("nobody likes me"), you go for another ("you're an important person, and I appreciate you"). Stay civil but keep him at arm's length.

Lex

 

Yes - what Chip said. You did the right thing by ignoring his texts but you could have been more neutral on your reason for not responding.

As Chip said - he's going to swing back and forth from your best friend to hating you - and it wouldn't surprise me at all if he did eventually get around to wanting to sleep with you. Now THAT would introduce a whole pile of drama into his life - and you'd be in it up to your neck. So STAY AWAY - especially in that scenario!

 

Lol, if that's what happens in heaven, I'm not sure if I want to go there

But yeah, this proves you're on the right track. Just remain adamant and keep your boundaries. Even if he suddenly becomes the epitome of reason, even if he begs for resetting the friendship and starting anew, even if he decides he loves you and wants to leave his boyfriend for you, it's all him trying to force attention. Because people don't just change overnight.