Dont know what to do next... (sorry about the length lol)

Well, (*hug*)

Now that that's over with, congratulations. Admitting this to someone is the hardest thing in the world, even if it is only online. I only started coming out a few months ago, and going through my old posts is very... interesting. It's amazing how far I've come since then.

About coming out to others - do it at your own pace. It gets easier, until you get to the point that it's less comfortable to keep it in than it is to just spit it out. Until then, hang out here. Do you have any LGBT friends? It might help to start with them, too, when you're ready.

So, welcome to the club. :smilewave

 

I am sure you will find that posting about it - even if you aren't directly talking to your friends/family - will be therapeutic for you. Admitting your sexuality is hard even to yourself, let alone "imaginary internet people." You should feel good about that. (*hug*)

Do you go to a university/college with any counselors? The nice part about a counselor is that you can tell them everything without the fear of "losing someone close," and they are obligated to keep it secret.

Also, what is it that makes you scared that you will lose people close to you if you come out?

 

I can tell you that this is a huge misconception. Supportive friends and family will be happy that you are finally being true to yourself, and happy that you trust them enough to tell them. You are you, and your sexuality is part of you. Coming out to them gives them a greater opportunity to take you for you. The whole "lying" to them about your sexuality up to that point will be completely overlooked or unimportant, unless they really aren't your friends. And unless you take on an alternate personality depending on what gender you're with, they probably aren't going to see you as a different person.

Take baby steps. If you decide to come out, start with the one person you feel will be most accepting.

 

What Spectre said. You are who you are. Nothing can change that. I fretted over coming out much as you did. A week after, it was amazing how much of a non-event it then seemed with time.

Part of my problem is I had a hell of a lot more self-delusion than you before coming out to myself. Somehow for years I never managed to connect "fantasizes about guys" with actually liking guys. I thought all straight guys did that. *shrugs* So yeah, going from actually believing I was straight to telling other people I wasn't in three week's time was a bit of a hectic pace for me.

 

you could always text or call that girl you were with. ask her if she just wants to hang out too. if she asks why u kinda ignored her just say you were fihguring things out. wouldnt be surprised if she has done the same thing already. maybe she already knows places to go and stuff for you. that way you will have someone near you supporting you. guess it all depends on if you wanna be friends again.

 

It has been said before, but I'll stress it again: this is what we all feared just before coming out. And it never happens. Friends didn't pick you because you were straight, they won't drop you because you're gay.
And when you tell them, there's bound to be room for explanation. You can explain that until recently you didn't know, and it took some time to admit it even to yourself. Basically you haven't been hiding it for all this time. You're just now discovering it, and they're getting the news as it happens.

Of course, it's going to take ome time for them to adjust to the news. terms like "gay" or "bi" come with a lot of stereotypes and assumptions, and those might clash with the image they have of you. They'll need to accept that the stereotypes are just that: stereotypes, and not an accurate portrayal of you. But you can solve that by just being the same you as you always were while hanging out with them. The'yll come around to the idea pretty quickly. For some of my friends, it took a day, for others a week, for some a month. Never really more than that, though.

As Mirko said: even if you aren't really close to GLBt friends, they understand in a way that's hard for straight people to understand easily. They'll know what you're going through and might have some tips of their own, or just be able to lend you a shoulder to lean on. They don't have to be our best friends to be helpful.

It's stressful to even contemplate coming out, I know. But once you manage to do it, you'll feel a lot better. In the meantime, do post around hee and read other people's stories. Those can help a lot as well!

 

Hi there, and welcome to EC! I'm glad you found this forum, because I really think it can help. It certainly helped me.

What you're going through sounds very normal. It's to be expected that you'll be confused and scared and feeling a little isolated from your friends and family - knowing this about yourself and keeping it a secret.

As has already been said, coming out is a process - and we all go at a different pace and do it differently. There's no right or wrong approach, really. Whatever works for you. And what you feel terrified about today you eventually feel quite comfortable with over time.

People generally understand that this isn't easy for the person coming out. And they don't judge us for having waited to tell them. If you've witnessed friends becoming distant from other friends who have come out, I don't think it's because of the timing of the coming out. I would say that they're uncomfortable with the person for some reason.

Sometimes I think it's the person who comes out who feels uncomfortable as well. You're not sure what to say or do. But the reality is that you don't have to say or do anything. You just keep being yourself, and doing and saying the things that you've always done adn said. This isn't nearly as big a deal (being bi / gay) as we make it out to be in our heads. And the more casual you can be about it, the more casual the people around you will be.

So hang out here. Get comfortable with who you are. That will go a long way towards you feeling comfortable in telling the people you know about this part of yourself.

Welcome - and good luck!

 

I know how you feel because I'm going through a similar situation. For years I've been denying that I was attracted to guys more than to girls. I hated this part of myself. As the years passed I got extremely confused about what I was and what I wanted (i'm still confused). I recently accepted that I'm attracted to guys, and that I might not be straight after all. But, right now, I have no idea if I'm bi, gay or whatever. The only thing that I have recently realized is that I'm open to find happiness in either a guy or a girl. As you, I have never told any of my friends or family about my confusion. Keeping this a secret is making me feel awful, but I know i'm not ready to let them know because i'm still trying to figure things out. I'm aware that keeping this secret and pretending to be something I am not is making mefeel bad, sad, depressed,etc. But, i dont want to rush any decisions. I want to take my time and make a good decision and feel confortable to myself. So, as many others already mention, take your time before letting others know. EC has been a great help for me, I hope it will help you too.
Good luck

 

I will agree with Mirko I think. First off, your friends will stick with you if they're really good friends. It may be possible that the distance created between them and their not-straight friends was natural. Friends do grow apart, so this may have been the case.

As for not wanting to tell your LGBT friends, keep in mind it won't matter how well they know you. They've gone through exactly what you are, and I can almost guarantee they will keep your secret until you are public about it. (Gay people can still be assholes though, so be careful who you tell still). If you want to tell someone not on the internet, and don't want to tell your friends yet, the LGBT community will be there for you.