So i have a sortof backwards situation from the norm. I know how I probably SHOULD handle this situation but parts of me want to ignore the right thing and do what I want. Ok So normally a lot of gay guys have crushes on straight guys and that will never work and stuff. But right now there's this "straight" guy who has been sending me signals since the day we met. He's got a girlfriend and republican views and has even said he doesnt hate gay people, but he doesnt support their lifestyle.... which is confusing to me. Anyways he's been VERY clearly flirting with me. I see him every few weekends at my friend's house and his girlfriend has only been there about 3 times. when we have parties at their house or wherever, He and I almost always share a bed. It was a joke at first, i'm not out to my friends from school. or him. (though they probably know). I had to sleep in a bed with him because i didnt want to sleep on the floor... well now it's kindof tradition. This last time we stayed in a moderately temperatured room... it wasnt really too cold or too hot. Well after a night of "accidentally" getting closer to eachother he gets up and says "sorry i kept getting so close to you, I was cold. You were really warm." though let me preface this with, we were rather drunk, him moreso, and he said some things to me that DEFFINATELY make me think he's interested in me, if not guys in general. So what do I do? I mean I hate cheaters and I'd hate to be someone who lets someone else cheat. But he's interested in me and i'm fairly interested in him too. To be honest, he hits on every girl, he totally doesnt deserve his girlfriend because she's like the sweetest girl. Should I back off completely? or should I accept whatever he chooses to do? I'v tried to avoid making any moves, but he makes a fair amount of moves too and I havent exactly rejected them in any way.
Welcome to the question of the day: do I do what I desire, or do I do what is ethical and moral? The ethical thing to do in this situation would be to back off until he breaks it off with his girlfriend. The moral thing for you is to back off - you hate cheaters and you'd hate to be the one someone else cheats with. Set the boundaries you can live with.
I'm not trying to be offensive when I ask this but how long have you been out? and/or when was the last time you came out to someone you've had a cruch on? I ask this because I've been through it. When you're in the closet there is a sense of paranoia (good and bad) that effects everyone differently. For me it was a sense that everyone was hitting on me when in reality, no on was. I was over analyzing because I wanted it to be true. I wanted the (Disney) fantasy over the (Universal) reality because it would make this situation so much more exciting and would benifit me in the short run. I think its the male professing his masculinity in a weird way, striaght guys are gayer than gay guys on the outside.
Well, in my experience, the combination of not being out to people and crushing on them can dangerously skew your assessment. It becomes easy to see what you want (or hope) to see and mix and match the evidence to prove whatever hypohesis you hold. So, what you see as him knowing you're gay, and him making moves might just be him joking around and being a bit more flirty in his actions than the average guy. However, some people just have a way of acting flirty as a a general mannerism. Maybe he's just so secure in his heterosexuality that he isn't afraid to make the odd gay-sounding comment... I'd say it would probably be worth it to clear he field first. Maybe you could find a way to come out to people from school. Or maybe just to him. The way he reacts to that could already be a good indication of whether your idea of him was correct. That said, even if he is coming on to you, I'd not start anything unless he was single. Yes, you can claim it was him coming on to you and you just passively accepted it, but that doesn't erase the fact that accepting is still an active choice you make. It takes two to tango, even if your role is just saying "yes". And no matter wheher his girlfriend is the sweetest person ever, or a frightful hag, she deserves to know the truth about where her relationship with this guy is going. If something would happen between you and this guy, I doubt it could end in anything but drama. I know it's hard. It's always harder to think about what the right thing is than to actually do it when faced with someone who might be willing and available. But in the end, I think that doing the right thing is better than going for the quick fun.
Ok, to answer a few questions. I'm out to all of my friends at home and a few people at school. Not out to roommates or parents yet. So I havent come out to this guy per se. Trust me, this is not a me being paranoid thing, this is an almost sure thing that he IS hitting on me judging by some of the things he said while we were drinking (mind you, we WERE drinking) but he made up excuses for saying those things in the morning that were clearly untrue. He's the kind of guy who you know is serious when he's being serious. He said some things under his breath towards me, that were suggestive. He also said some VERY suggestive things to me when we were alone getting ready for bed... I understand people get drunk and they have bad judgment and whatnot but this just feels more than that, especially because it happens almost every time i see him. but I suppose I'll back off for now. I hate cheaters, but im not the one making him do anything and i'm going to keep it that way. If he DOES end up wanting to do something, hen i'll talk to him about cheating on his girlfriend and how it's wrong.
