1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

My Mom is liberal

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by mydogstewie, Mar 13, 2010.

  1. mydogstewie

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2009
    Messages:
    244
    Likes Received:
    0
    My mom is very supportive of gay people, although, i really do not want to come out to her. She's liberal and loves gays but I just am scared things will change. I don't want our relationship to change even one second. I love her and I don't want to tell her...Should I?
     
  2. Kid Quasar

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 30, 2008
    Messages:
    68
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Goshen, Indiana
    Hi mydogstewie.

    I understand that you want things to stay the same between you and your mom, but things can't be perfect forever. It sounds like your mother would react better to it than others, but that's not to say she will act any different.

    When it comes to leaving the closet it's best to take small steps, but to most peoplee coming out to their parents is a huge leap. You are only fifteen, if you do not feel comfortable with telling her then wait. If you have friends that support you already then you should build up courage for the right time.

    My suggestion would be to take time to think on it. You should prepare for anything. The initial shock maybe be a bit much for her at first, but I'm sure she'll come down from it. I'm sure things will work out in the end.

    Up to you if you come out or not for now, but when you do, make sure you're comfortable with it :slight_smile:

    ~MS
     
  3. Gaetan

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2009
    Messages:
    614
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Idaho, USA
    My mom is the same way--I knew she was accepting of gays because her younger brother is also gay. So, I knew there would be no problem in that respect. Yet, I was afraid of things changing anyway. Yet, after I told her, nothing has changed. The ONLY difference is the occasional innocent joke. (Yesterday: "What do you mean you don't know which shirt I should wear? I thought gay guys had fashion sense!")
     
  4. Mirko

    Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2008
    Messages:
    18,870
    Likes Received:
    3,203
    Location:
    Northern Hemisphere
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hi there! How do you feel coming out to your mum? Do you feel ready for that step?

    Sometimes, our fears are an indication that we are not ready to come out to our parents. You have strong indications that your mum is accepting and would also be very supportive. By coming out, yes things might change, but that change would entail being able to be more open about yourself with your mum and being able to talk about things or letting her things know. Your relationship with your mum could actually become stronger and usually this is an important reason as to why we want our parents to know.

    Would anything else change? Not really because you are still the same person. You are not changing anything about yourself. You will still have all the same qualities that you had before your coming out.

    Given that you "don't want to tell her" at this stage, leave it aside for now and just see how things go. Maybe ask yourself and think about the questions of "Am I ready to come out?" and "why do I want to come out to my mum?" Finding answers to both questions, might help you to get ready to take that step.

    But do take your time. Only come out when you feel ready.
     
  5. RainbowVampire

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2010
    Messages:
    21
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ohio
    You definetly should tell her. If she is accepting of gay people, she will absolutely accept you. You're her child and she will love you no matter what. A few things may change, but for the better. Just prepare yourself, know when and how you want to tell her, and let things take their course. She'll support you in the end.
     
  6. Spectre

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2010
    Messages:
    259
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Canada
    People are afraid of change. It is one of their biggest fears. Apparently, you are not exempt.

    But as Mirko noted... if your mother is as liberal and supportive as you say, telling her may change your relationship for the better. If you treasure your relationship as much as it seems you do, then I could only see this making it stronger. It will allow you to be more open with eachother about everything, and wouldn't it be nice to have another shoulder if you're feeling down about something related to your sexuality?

    Moreover, she will find out eventually. Even if you don't tell her. She might already have an inkling - and her support for gay people is her way of encouraging you.

    The choice is completely up to you, but I think your worries are unfounded.
     
  7. joeyconnick

    joeyconnick Guest

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2005
    Messages:
    3,069
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Toronto, ON
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    The thing with relationships, especially the ones we have with our parents--they always change. Not always for the best but also not always for the worst.

    A lot of times, it can be a pretty big deal, initially, for parents to deal with that kind of revelation, even if they are super-supportive of gay people. As I just told someone in PM, people are absolutely irrational about children in general, and their own children in particular. So you can't ever know for certain how coming out will go. Initially. She might think it's great or she might flip out. But it sounds like, when you're ready to tell her, that ultimately it will work out.

    Coming out to your parents is, well, weird. I don't know of anything that is more likely to lead to role reversal--a lot of times you end up having to be the patient, understanding, knowledgeable one and they are kinda spazzy and sometimes pretty ignorant. It's pretty disconcerting because it's pretty opposite how the parent/child relationship normally goes. It's really, really important (as if you haven't heard this before) to remember that parents are people too--and more than that, they are people who have so much invested in you that it's literally unimaginable. They have their own hopes and dreams that they, to a variety of degrees, attempt to live out through you and then they have hopes and dreams for *you* and... it's a very, very complicated relationship. And given that coming out usually happens around the same time that you're going from being dependent upon your parents to an independent adult in your own right--that transition right there is one of the most difficult, I think, to navigate. So coming out can definitely complicate that.

    Given all that, it's important to be at a certain point of equanimity within yourself before you come out to your mum. You have to be prepared for a wide range of reactions and you have to be as non-judgmental as possible. You have to be willing to forego her comforting you because it's quite possible she might be the one needing reassurance--and that right there is incredibly weird to deal with (if you ask me). But the wonderful thing about coming out to someone you're that close to is that after all the bumps in the road, you will be closer than ever. Telling my mum was probably one of the hardest things I've ever done but it was, ultimately, something that let me have a truly special relationship with her, even more special than it already had been.

    All that being said, you have to figure out when a good time *for you* is. I told my mum about 4 weeks after I (finally) figured it out and had started telling some close friends. To be honest, our relationship had suffered in the months prior to me sorting myself out because I was upset a lot of the time and didn't really know why. And she was really great about it... she cried a bit because I think she realized it meant my life might be a little more difficult than if I were straight, and because I think she was afraid for me (this was 1994 so HIV/AIDS was an even scarier thing then as it is now) but it didn't really upset me--I mean, anymore than seeing someone you love cry would normally upset you. It was emotional and it took a few months for us to find a comfortable equilibrium but we did, and it was great.
     
  8. seadog

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2009
    Messages:
    444
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Washington
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    (Man I hate labels. There are plenty of moms who are not liberal who love, accept, and respect their gay children and those of other parents.) Tell her, when its time. That simple. You'll be glad you did. No hiding. No pretending. Be you, the man God created you to be.
     
  9. MusicIsLife

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 31, 2007
    Messages:
    1,696
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Montréal, QC
    Only come out to her if you feel ready. I've known of a few "liberal" parents with gay friends and the whole bit who reject their lgbt child, so I'd test the waters before diving in, so to speak.
     
  10. Noah

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2008
    Messages:
    393
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Macon, GA
    If you feel ready, and you feel like its a secret you can't keep pent up anymore, you should tell her. It will hurt your relationship at first, but you will most likely see it grow stronger. She may even suspect :slight_smile:
     
  11. Mitchell

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2009
    Messages:
    538
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New Hampshire, USA
    Coming out to my mother I'd say strengthened our relationship...

    My mother was the first person whom I Came out to, other than my friends online...

    It is VERY scary... I will admit that, but it's a big scary secret to keep (in my opinion)...I think you should tell her.