I'm about to break up with a guy who I have been with for a few months now. I have invested time, love and money and I feel as though I am not getting an equal amount in return. He's 17, I'm 18. We both had never had a relationship before this and had even helped him come out to his parents. It feels as though he is too immature for me, because I am looking for a long term relationship. I think he wants more of a shot term thing, or does not care about his future. He wants to attend a college that is very far away, and has not wanted to talk about what we were going to do if our relationship was still going when he went away to college. Between dealing with college for myself and my disabled mother, I don't think I can deal with any more stress on dealing with this and believe it would be best to end my relationship with him. I am just trying to convince myself that I am not an asshole for doing this. Advice or encouragement would be appreciated.
this is your life you're living, not his. You need to do what's best for you. Why not talk with him about it?
Hi there! (*hug*) You have mentioned a few things that I think are worth bringing up during a conversation with him. A relationship is about being open and honest with each other but it is also about showing the necessary commitment to make that relationship work, which does take time and effort. That said, another thing that becomes important is your idea about the relationship in terms of what you want out if it. As you have mentioned, it seems that your boyfriend is not looking for a long term relationship. If it causes you more stress and you feel that he isn't in it for the same reasons that you are in it, I think those are valid reasons to say, "sorry this is not working out. I had a different idea about this relationship." That could be part of your conversation with him. Are you (to use your words) an ass-hole for doing that? Absolutely not! If you look at his actions thus far, and the fact that he is not really all that interested in talking about the relationship, is this fair to you? There are times where you have to take stock and come to conclusions that might be hurtful in the short term but will help you in the long run to find someone with whom it might work out a better or someone who shares your goal of building a long term relationship is perhaps more committed to putting the time and effort into such a relationship. Before you break it off, try to talk to him. Have a longer conversation with him and bring up all of the things that you feel are bothering you. Listen to what he has to say. If after that you still feel the same feeling or have the same thoughts, then talk to him and let him know this is not going to work out. (*hug*)
Thank you for the help, the suggestions you made were almost exactly what I did and we both came up to a conclusion that we should move on.
