I can't admit that I like guys

I'm guessing it goes away eventually, but if it's any consolation I feel similarly. I'm out to everyone and I've never ever been able to say, "I'm gay" just that I don't like girls. I've only known I liked guys for about 2 years now so I'm guessing the more time you have to get used to it the easier it gets to say it and you won't get nervous around anything that reaffirms it.

 

Don't worry. It won't go on like this forever. It seems that you just aren't completely comfortable with it yet - and that's okay!

One thing you might consider trying is that every morning in the bathroom mirror, look into it and say "I'm gay." Do it enough times and it doesn't become so hard anymore.

Part of it stems from negative self-conditioning. We are taught by society that it's not right to look at guys in that way, or that it's not right to even think about it. It may take a while to completely break this cycle of thinking. So give yourself a break. :icon_wink

 

As said above don't worry about it. When you are ready to verbalize things to your mom you will just do it. When I came out to my parents for a while I had a tough time talking about 'gay' things with them. Now I have no problem. You may want to get in front of a mirror as stated above and get used to saying 'I'm gay' out loud. You will get there!

 

I feel very similarly with my mother. I came out to her. And it actually went well, but I still never mention anything about being gay to her. I don't even have a problem talking about other people being gay (well, at least guys being gay.) But I never talk about who I like or even say I am gay or even imply it and if there was a tv show with lesbians and we are both watching I immediately try to talk to her about something else random so I can distract her. And I do talk about being gay with my friends but it does feel forced. And I think about what I want to say for like a minute debating if I should say it and then it doesn't even fit in the conversation when I finally decided to say that some girl is cute or something.

I am hoping it will go away over time. It is slowly getting a bit better with my friends. I think it is just something you have to adjust to and over time you will become more comfortable with it.

 

I can imagine you'd feel awkward about talking to your mom about what girls are hot if you were straight. It's just something that's outside the scope of your usual relationship with your mom, so of course it feels weird.

 

It's complicated. My dad and I are incredibly close, talk on the phone all the time, and I never talk to him about guys.

My brother is my best friend, we're incredibly close, hell, we're roommates, and frankly the only time he finds out I like a guy is when I have to tell him I'm bringing one over.

You will be fine talking to some people about liking guys, but remember all relationships are different, you'll reach that point with some people, and with others your friendship might be different. Try not to stress about it, you'll get there so relax and just be happy.

 

this happens to me too. it's gotten better since i first came out, but i think it's mostly leftover self consciousness from all that time spent in the closet. it's easy to make habits but hard to break them

 

I remember saying "I'm not straight..." It started with "I'm bi." I admit I clung to that since I was dating men before take a deep breath and plunging into the unknown. Once I was with a woman "in that way" I knew I wasn't even bi though. :dry:

Eh whatever, I'm over it. It did take a while though. I had to write a bit of a letter to myself (which I later burned) saying how I was afraid of letting go of the "bi" label because it made me feel at least partially 'normal' since bi entails liking men somewhat in a normal way.

Slowly, as I started dating women I started to say the words: "I'm gay" to myself in the mirror. There were a few times it went like this: "Even though I wish I wasn't some days, I cannot deny anymore that I'm not sexually attracted to men. I like women... I'm gay." It sounds silly but it slowly worked. It just takes time. It takes time for everyone.

And you're still young believe it or not so you've come a ways compared to some of us on EC. (*hug*)

 

This is 150% normal, so don't fret over it. And it will definitely not last forever! I went through this too, for almost a year after I first came out. I realized that there were a whole bunch of entrenched stereotypes in my mind that were pretty hard to shake despite accepting the truth about myself. I was in denial for so long that these weren't about to go away easily. In fact I just posted one the other day here on EC, that I still get the "heebie jeebies" when a guy calls his significant other his "husband". So I'm still working through the last ones myself, but they are falling down one by one.

My advice to you is to face the stereotypes hidden in the back of your mind, and challenge them one by one. Bring them out into the light and take them on. If you're unsure of how to debunk them, post each one separately here on EC and ask for evidence that it's incorrect - that's what I did with some of the more persistent ones. Tear them down one by one until you know the truth and nothing but the truth about being gay.

Then spend some time seeing where you fit into the gay picture. Which stereotypes apply to you? Which don't? Look at the ones that describe you and learn to like them - they are a part of what makes you who you are, and you should be proud of that. And for the ones that don't apply to you, learn to accept them in others. I'm not an effeminate guy, but I have come to really appreciate the wonderful qualities of effeminate gays, and I could even see myself partnering up with one some day! That's a heck of a lot farther than I used to be...

You're clearly having some trouble saying the word "gay" to describe yourself, especially to your mother. Again, I'd say this is evidence that you're not 100% comfortable with being gay just yet, and that's OK - just acknowledge it. I actually had to practice saying "I'm gay" to myself. It took dozens of times before I could even say it without making a face. I even went into the woods and screamed it out loud a few times. Then I had to practice saying it to another person, and of course that was a whole lot harder. Can you imagine, when I talked to my sister about it, I would avoid actually saying the word "gay", even when describing my sexuality? And all of this was after I had already come out to a couple of people!!!

Happily I'm much better off now, and I've made very quick progress since coming to EC. If anybody asks me now, yup, I'm gay! I'm not out to everyone yet, but that will happen in time. So congratulate yourself for how far you've come, and then take the steps to go the rest of the way!

 

that was the hardest part for me too. I looked at myself in the mirror until I was able to say it to myself: "I'm gay"