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Playing the field...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by someguy82, Mar 14, 2010.

  1. someguy82

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    So I've kind of gotten myself into a strange situation. First there's one guy, and honestly I think he's just straight and lonely so we decided to just be friends, but we're still sort of...

    It gets complicated because recently I just had a great first date with another guy and feel I have way more in common with him, and for once in my life I'm actually taking it slow and not hopping straight into the sack.

    To complicate things further my ex/best friend has been dropping hints about fooling around, but with the sort of funny talk that implies he might mean more.

    So my conundrum is this. First, where the hell were these guys the last 9 months I was alone. Second, and more seriously, am I setting myself up for way more complications then I need in the future? Frankly, I'd like to play the field a little, but all of this sort of seems dishonest and makes me feel just a tiny bit sleazy (yet not enough to stop me from calling up two of the guys in one night for "how was your day" chat). Not really sure how I should deal with this, and not really sure what approach I could take at this point that's not going to end up with someone being pretty pissed at me.
     
  2. Notreallysure

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    I wish I was at that point in life where these sort of questions arose, but from my naive perspective, I would say do what makes you happiest. "You're the one to please when it is all said and done." Good luck with your decision.
     
  3. someguy82

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    I've only been out for about 10 months, it happens sooner than you think, and in the moments when you aren't really prepared for it.
     
  4. Mirko

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    Hi there! I think staying with your date, with whom you have things in common, taking it slow, and seeing where this might develop down the road and not fooling round with others (including your ex/best friend) might be best! :slight_smile:

    I think you would feel a lot better if you would stay honest and will also prevent someone being angry with you. It is always easier to say "sorry, I'm dating someone at the moment" than having to explain something after the fact.
     
  5. someguy82

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    Okay, I was sort of leaning towards this anyway, but here's sort of the rub on that one. This guy and I talked a while back and he's been bugging me for an actual date for nearly a year, but the problem is the guy is only 20, and I'm 27 so I can't help but feeling like I'm robbing the cradle a little bit (which is why it took me a year and a very lonely Friday night to take him up on the offer). And while I feel a real connection, and hell, I think he's more mature than I am (his life doesn't sound like it allowed for him to be a kid for long), I always get a bit apprehensive about dating younger guys. I'm real great about throwing out the "age doesn't matter," but struggle with it myself. What happens if the thing does start to get serious and I finish law school and move on to my job while he's still in college. Bleh, life should be less complicated.
     
  6. Mirko

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    Here is the thing though....you feel a connection, you find him to be mature for his age, and you had a great first date with him. You know what? These are already important things right there. :slight_smile:

    As you have said "age doesn't matter" and sometimes it really doesn't. Yes, he is in college and you might start looking in different directions in terms of your future career, but for what it is worth, if you feel good about seeing him, and talking with him, give it a chance. See where it goes. Sometimes, age differences don't really factor into a relationship, especially if there are commonalities worth exploring.

    Will you lose anything by doing that and taking it slow? No, not really. If it doesn't work out, at the very least you have gotten to know someone new, and you have also learned a few things about yourself.

    It is a new situation, which might add to your insecurities but on the other hand you have an opportunity to get to know someone and allow someone to get to know you.