I've considered myself gay for a couple of years now, but there's always been one thing on my mind when I think about it. I've never reall had a sexual attraction to anything, it's more of an emotional attraction to things. To put it into another perspective, I love cute things, and some boys are cute to me, but it's not a sexual cute. The thing is, I can only see myself in a relationship with a boy, so does that mean I'm gay? OR am I something else completely different because I don't have a sexual attraction to boys at all?
Some people have a low, even sometimes an inexistant sex-drive. Bit I think that as long as you are attracted to guys, even if it's only to a romantic level, and if you can only picture yourself in a relationship with a guy, then you're gay. Being gay is not only about who you are attracted to sexualy (even if it plays a part in it), it's about who you are attracted to in general, about who you fall in love with and who you want to be with.
I've read somewhere that homosexuality manifests in three ways; sexual/physical attraction, emotional attraction and sexual identity. It sounds like you don't really feel the first, although I'd contend that (1) it is the least important of the above, and (2) you may not really know for sure until you've tried it! I can empathize with you a little. I'm not a highly sexually charged person, and I strongly prefer love and affection to sex (although I don't have anything against a little fun now and again ). There's no one type of person when it comes to mattters of love and sex, and I'd say that's equally applicable in the gay world. Most human reltionships are based on a mix of love and sex, and different people have different balances. But if you're picturing yourself snuggling up with a cute guy rather than a sexy girl, then you certainly have the makings of gay in you... And I guess most importantly, you shouldn't worry too much about labeling yourself. You're still coming into your own sexually at 17, and sometimes it can be hard to read the signals at this stage. Maybe just go with the flow until a clearer picture starts to emerge. Remember that you're in no rush to "declare" yourself gay or otherwise. Just stay tuned to the signals and I'm pretty sure it will become clear to you in a short time.
For me, early on, it wasn't that I didn't have a sex drive so much as it was non-directional. I got horny, I liked the idea of doing sexual things, but there weren't specific people that gave me sexual thoughts. I'm still like that, after a fashion. I don't view people as a sexual thing unless I deliberately set my mind to do so. This seems to make me weird, but I can't say as it's problematic. It means I don't have problems talking to guys who are "too hot" or "too cute". Lex
I don't think sex is as all important as people make it out to be. Does a straight guy have to have sex with a girl before he can declare himself heterosexual? Though having sex with a guy would be a significantly validating experience, I wouldn't base my whole identity on just one act. If you think/are sure you're gay that should be good enough for anyone. In all likelihood you're probably saving yourself for someone you actually love, which is the most honourable thing you could do in regards to sex in my opinion!
I feel the above post is a bit heterosexist. Or better, too one-dimensional. Sexuality shouldn't be defined as just who you have sex with. It's who you're attracted to, who you enjoy being around and with, and what you feel comfortable doing with whom. It's emotional, physical, mental etc., not only physical.
Being gay isn't about sex so much as identification. Plenty of self-identified gay guys have little or no sex for a variety of reasons, and plenty of self-identified straight guys have sex with men. Which is why demographers and epidemiologists have given up using "gay" or even "homosexual" and use "men who have sex with men." If you feel like "gay" best describes the romantic/sexual side of your personality, then you can freely use it. Or you can go with "romantic asexual," if you feel that better describes you (one of my friends could probably identify herself as such if she wished). Also, sex* can take a number of forms, sometimes it's just cuddling that goes a bit farther than expected. When hands stray, they can go anywhere... *For given definitions of sex.
(above post) beat me to it by about 4.5 hours it looks like... Asexuality is a legitimate category and there's some study on cnn that claims 1 in 100 people are essentially asexual. As an asexual to some degree, I can probably categorize myself as a homoromantic asexual if anything. In the end, who cares how you are labelled?
