as coming out changed your platonic relationships?

In the exact same position as you, I don't hide my sexuality and it's known but I definetly feel less comfortable with some straight girls knowing...or girls in general. i'm a really friendly person and I'm always scared of being labelled "the lesbian" or that girls will think I'm coming onto them. Like you, I really do not find any girls my age attractive! :laugh:
I'm not quite sure how to deal with this, it's been on my mind more often recently...

 

*(*hug*) to anyone with the concern*

Never fear! Lisa, the lesbian... is here.

I remember feeling this way. I get the occasional fear that people will treat me differently if they know, but then again that's their problem, not mine, that they might judge me for who or how I love rather than who I am as a person.

If you're not out to anyone, I would first suggest telling your close friends. Let them know. Saying something along the lines of: "I really like you as a friend. And I'm ___(gay, bi, trans, whaatever). But I don't like you in "that" way." and then laugh or something to let them know that you're ok with who you are and that they're your friend and nothing more. I think what most people fear when telling friends this, is that your friend will think yo u're telling them because you like them. And if that's the case then... that's for a different thread. Hehe.

But for now, tell your close friends that you trust. And if you aren't comfortable iwth a lot of people knowing, let them know that too. Tell them that you would really respect them as a person if they kept it between just you two rather than telling anyone else because you're not ready to be known as queer openly yet.

Actually, I have a bi friend (a guy). And the first thing his girlfriend said when I met her was, "Oh... so you're gay?" with a bit of an eyebrow raise as she kind've moved closer to him. "Yes..." was my answer. And I knew what she was thinking. In this case, she was worried that I found her insanely attractive and that I was going to hit on her. I told my guy friend that this wasn't the case (when we went for a walk one time) and that he should let her know that "I don't hit on any woman that moves. Besides, she's straight and taken. I don't hit on straight or taken girls."

Just like a hetero guy doesn't hit on every girl he sees... it's no difference, but sometimes people have to be reminded of that. Now she jokes with me about it saying, "Oh yea, I told my friends about my 'lesbian friend'. Lisa's my lesbian friend..." :lol:

 

This might sound a bit harsh, but I don't really think that friends that you have to step around are very good friends.

I was in the same situation as you when I first came out. All my friends were male, and I had to be careful with what I said, and, ever since coming out, I just felt... 'different' from everyone else.

But then like a year later I found a new group of friends (who already knew I was gay), and my life got like 10,000 times better. I didnt have to worry about what I said; I would just say whatever came into my mind. Hell, I would even pretend hit on my male friends.

You just need to find a bunch of people that will 100% accept 100% of who you are.

 

I found that this did happen with some people - for some reason I found that some straight female friends assumed that I fancied them! My biggest problem, though, was them trying to flirt with me (even though they were straight). But I have to say that things soon became non-weird - but only after I told them to stop treating me differently (or hinted at it by saying things like "I hate the way when you're gay straight people feel like they can just flirt with you" - subtle huh?). I think you have to actually tell them if you feel they're treating you differently. They may not even realise it.

It's sad but it CAN change some of your friendships. But the thing is, as time goes on, the majority will deal with it and be fine. Having come out to most of my friends, I have to say that, on balance, your friendships will gain from you coming out. There may be some that become weird, but that is their problem.

Good luck!

 

In general, no. I've found actually I'm closer to my friends than before because now I know longer feel the need to hide things from them.

 

I think I'd have to advise against saying something like "But I don't like you in "that" way" when you first tell. Probably not a good idea to suggest it.

I really didn't find anyone presumed I secretly had a crush on them, even of those who would have been right to think it. Actually, there is one boy I like and I don't think it would surprise him that I do, but I do try not to be obvious, and it doesn't affect anything really. Ultimately, that will happen sometimes.

In general, it really hasn't affected any of my prior friendships, and has made me closer to some others. I also think that if you tell people you're bisexual, they won't jump to any conclusions about your lifestyle as it will depend entirely on what they think of your character up to now. Because I'm a bit shy and reserved, no one would think I'd be anything other than that still when they'd have found out about my sexuality.

 

I'm not out to a lot of people yet but my best friend was the first person I told other than my therapist. I used to jokingly suggest things to him before I came out and I still do. He knows that I like to joke about everything and that is one reason he likes hanging out with me. He can answer the phone in a bad mood and I will get him laughing 10 seconds later.

He asked me the day after I told him if I was serious when I suggested things to him. I just laughed and asked if he was worried about me "converting" him. He realized how silly his question was. I also told him since he is married and straight I would have to be crazy to try to hook up with him. Besides I'm not attracted to him.

If your straight friends are good friends coming out to them would never make them feel uneasy around you. If they do feel uneasy ask them to climb off the pedestal they are standing on.

 

What I've often thought of saying (if it had ever come up, which it actually hasn't) is to say. "No, I don't have a crush on you. Main reason? A really big turnoff is that you're straight. That's not what I'm looking for in someone."

 

I wish that were a turnoff for me. I know there are more of them around, but most boys I find fancying tend to be straight. Thankfully not all.

But even they don't assume I like them, I'm coy enough not to flirt with them.