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Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Mistie, Mar 16, 2010.

  1. Mistie

    Mistie Guest

    I apologize that I keep posting on here, but I would like some advice...

    What's a good way to get along with people?
    I swear, I can get along with my close knit friends just fine, but when it comes to meeting someone new or seeing someone I don't talk to too often, I'm just so quiet and can never utter a word out. And when I do get the chance to, something must go wrong.

    I hate life. I don't get it. Why are people so...I don't know? I'm so hypocritical about this, but I can't help having this feeling. I FEEL LIKE EVERYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD IS JUST DUMB AND STUPID.

    I just don't understand how people can click so well with others and when I try, I'm just terrible at it.... :icon_sad:

    What am I doing wrong? :'(
     
  2. Mirko

    Admin Team Advisor Full Member

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    Hi there!

    First off, no need to apologize. You are welcome to post as much as you want or about whether you want to post. :slight_smile:

    I think often times it really depends on finding the right people to make a connection with. When you try meeting new people, think about what allowed you to click with your close or best friends. Maybe you need to find people who have similar qualities and interests. Finding them can take some time and involves trying to talk to others. But it is definitely worth it.

    Not knowing people really well can make it difficult for us to open up because we don't feel secure or don't trust them enough to feel comfortable sharing things or going into a 'deeper' conversation/chat. Maybe what would help, try to start a conversation with a pretty safe subject or an ice breaker, such as school, or one or two hobbies.

    Also, when you talk to someone new or with someone to whom you haven't talked to all that much previously, try to relax and try not to think about your past experiences. If you start thinking too much about what can go wrong or has gone wrong in the past, you might get more nervous and the chances for a conversation/chat that might not go really well are higher because your mind is no longer concentrating on the actual conversation that you are trying to have.

    Just take it slow, and try to build up conversations. Only then will you see as to whether there is a chance that a friendship could emerge.

    And why do you feel that others are dumb and stupid? I think part of it is perhaps looking at how you relate to others.

    (*hug*)
     
  3. Pepsi

    Pepsi Guest

    (*hug*) I used to be just like you (and still am a little) but then the more I came out of the closet the better I became at making new friends. As for thinking people are stupid, by the way using "dumb and stupid" is redundant, well don't feel bad because honestly most people are total morons. Being a moron doesn't mean you can't be an amazing person though. I think maybe you just need to give people more of a chance and trust people are good people until proven wrong. Also, you said you do have "close knit friends" so maybe meeting their other friends is how you could meet new people
     
    #3 Pepsi, Mar 16, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 16, 2010
  4. Mogget

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    My method has always been to let my current friends introduce new friends. Every now and then I'll make a friend entirely on my own, but it's generally through the friend-of-a-friend system.

    More important, though, is your feeling that others are dumb and stupid. This can stem from feelings of personal inadequacy or inferiority (as the guy on the Trevor helpline told me, "You can't trust others if you don't trust yourself."). So, try to see why you feel that way. And good luck!
     
  5. Lexington

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    There's a good rule of thumb about talking to people you don't know.

    1. Look for your common ground.
    2. Talk - or, better yet, ask questions - about your common ground.

    So let's take a couple examples. Where might you be where you run into people you don't know that you want to talk to?

    First day in a new class
    "I'm sorry - this IS Algebra 1 class, right? I'd hate to have to get up and leave ten minutes after class starts."
    "Have you heard anything about this teacher? Is she supposed to be good/fun/hard?"

    Cafeteria
    "Have you ever had the fish sticks/pizza rolls/green beans? I was thinking about trying them, but I was hoping to find somebody who'd tried them first."
    "Really? We only get six tater tots?"
    "I guess good fried chicken/steak/shrimp would be too much to hope for..."

    Generic
    "I hope you don't mind me asking, but where did you get that shirt? It's really neat."
    "You look a bit familiar. Did you have Mr Johnson for math last year?"

    Even if you're not looking to talk to someone, you might try doing it as a mental exercise once in awhile. Pick someone out - in the hallway at school, in line at the store, whatever. And think "What is our common ground? And what questions could I ask based on that?" You'll start figuring it out pretty quick. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  6. Notreallysure

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    Ask a question. Asking a question allows them to answer and then formulate some sort of response. You can do that before too if you know what you might want to ask. Good luck!
     
  7. vitanil

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    I would suggest checking out a self-help classic How to Win Friends and Influence People -Carnegie.

    In general, smiles do wonders. People like to talk about themselves, so be a good listener. Some sincerity can't hurt :slight_smile: