The title says it all. But it's not because I'm gay. My boss for the most part has been bullying me. I don't want to get into too much detail here but he claims that my production has not been that great. I have been selling about the average amount of cars that everyone else at the dealership and tries to guilt me into working on my days off. He is a workaholic and works on his days off. He expects everyone else to do the same. A couple of times I tried to leave early because I had pain from my surgery. He did not directly say no but he made it clear that he did not want me to leave. So stupid me, in pain stayed at work. He has messed me off so much I feel guilty not working on my days off. I went to the doctor today and I'm not fully recovered and its partly because I'm on my feet all day long. I am going to get a note telling them I am still recovering. On top of that I have been thinking of coming out to more people at work and changing my 'interested in' on Facebook. Do you think I should hold off on coming out until things blow over with my boss? I just don't want people think its a ploy to gain an upper hand on things. I am out to a couple of people at work and they have been fine and supportive.
I know I'm young, but I have a lot of work experience and people experience. Here's what I suggest: I would separate the two issues entirely. Change your status on facebook only when you consider yourself ready, and don't worry about work. As for your boss, is there any way you can talk to him? I know it may seem dumb, but sometimes communication is vital in situations like these. Try approaching it by first making sure he understands your commitment. "I need money, I want money, and I am dedicated to being the most productive member of your team" (or something like that). Then, as it seems to me he likes power, put him in a position of power. "I want to make sure I can achieve greatness, but my surgery is slowing me down. I just don't know how to balance my health and this job. Do you have any suggestions?" Instead of putting him on the defensive, you create a bond. The two of you are now working together, instead of against each other, to solve a problem. I hope this helps! Noah
I'd have a bit of a talk with your boss. Don't make it confrontational. Get into his shoes, and try to speak from his side. "I understand you wanting to put in more hours and sell more, especially with sales not being all that great. But I don't think that's such a good idea. I've found that when I put in the extra hours, my back/knee/whatever starts acting up, and I get majorly worn down. When I'm in pain and worn out, I'm a pretty crappy salesman. I think it'd be better for me to work the hours I have been working, because working those, I'm at least close to 100%." As for coming out more, that's up to you. I'd say just keep it completely separate from whatever boss issues you have. Feel free to talk about going somewhere with your boyfriend, for instance - that's an easy way to come out without making a proclamation. Lex
When I asked him about going home the day I had a lot of pain I told him that I was not fully recovered from the surgery.He got mad at me and told me that I should ignore it and the pain would not kill me. Some people saw the pain on my face and asked me about what was going on. I told them I it was from the surgery. He is just unresonable.
Again, a lot of it is how you phrase things. If you say "I don't feel good - I'm going home", even if you're being 100% truthful, it can come off as sounding whiny. If you can emphasize the fact that you'll be in better shape to sell tomorrow if you go home now, that might be more likely to get a better reaction from him. If he presses the point, just shrug and say "Hey, you can have me at close to 100% for 35 hours a week, or hovering near 40 or 50% for 50 hours. Do the math - I think it makes more sense to have me at my best." Yeah, it'd be nice if your boss was cooler with it, but sometimes you gotta make do with what you got. And what you got is the slaverdriver boss. Lex
I've been in your situation a couple of times, and I'm going to give you the only advice that has ever worked for me 100% of the time - get a new job. There is absolutely no reason you should be working at a place that brings you down. Is it a copout? Yes. Does this let the mean boss get away with it? Yup. Is it the easy way out? Not really. But does it solve the situation? Always! Here's something most people seem to overlook. The best time to look for a new job is when you already have one, because you're not in desparate need of the money, you're less likely to be stressed about how long it takes to find one, you're likely to be more discriminating about what you accept, and you're more likely to get yourself into a better situation. Prospective employers also tend to look at people who are currently working favorably becase it shows resourcefulness and a willingness to improve your situation. Too many people wait until they are forced to look for a new job by unemployment, and that makes it tough. The challenge is to work up the energy to make it happen while you have the relative comfort of your current job. Prep your resume, line up your references and start flooding the market with applications. In the short term it will make you feel better that you're doing something proactive about your situation, and in the long term it should get you into a much better job and a happier situation. Good luck Ed!!
I've started to look for another job. I have been working on my resume and started to look around. I hope to start sending out resumes soon. Like I said I'm going to get a doctors note and give him and a HR a copy. If if makes an issue of it I will take him straight to HR. Last night I vented a bit about this to my bf and my mom. Once I verbalized all of the crap I've gone through I got angry. Both at my boss and myself for putting up with his shit. I am not going to let him push me around anymore. I am going to only talk to him when its absolutely necessary.
That's good! I agree that looking for a new job is your best option. Plus, it is a place from where you wanted to get away anyways. In that sense, your boss is actually doing you a favour because he has provided you with one more reason to get working on your applications and resumes. Get all your stuff together and start looking actively for a new job. At the same time, I think Lex's suggestion of placing yourself in his shoes, trying to reason with him and trying to present your side of the argument is something you should look into as well. You still have to work there for a little while....
Ed, you have not been happy at this dealership for some time, so this may be a blessing in disguise. You’re boss is not likely to change, so finding a new place to work sounds like the best option. In the meantime, as hard as it may be, I would not create too much distance with your boss. You still have to work for him until you leave and avoiding him is not likely to make your situation easier.
Just thought I'd let you know about the privacy settings and groups on Facebook. You might already, but it's surprising the number who don't. There are certain of my Facebook friends who can't see that I'm Interested in Men on my profile. Not because I wouldn't want them to know, but because Facebook has different purposes, and the reasons I'm friends with them there is a different reason that I'm friends with college friends. They're mainly people who are a bit older, and it's of less relevance to them, particularly if I was dating someone. So you could set up a group of your work colleagues and exclude them from seeing your relationship status section of your profile.
