The title says what i want to know most at the moment. About two months ago i told my best friend im gay, i thought he would be ok with it and things wouldnt change, that was a mistake, we dont talk anymore and if he ever sees me in the street its like im a stranger. I just want people to who i'am and not have to hide the fact that im gay. But when is the best time to tell somone and how? I thought I would just know that i could tell them and they be cool with it, I know not everyone is gonna be cool with it but i just dont know what to do, I worry about the fact that nobody will talk to me and people like that arnt my real friends but i dont wanna lose the ones i have.
The right time to tell people is when you're ready to do that. It's unfortunate that when you've come to the point that you can accept it, others sometimes can't. But just like it took you a while to recognized and accept your orientation, it may take others a while to accept it as well. Your friend might just need some time. Or, he may not have been a very good friend at all. Good luck, and stick around here. You'll get lots of good advice, and lots of support. Welcome to EC!
I'm so sorry to hear about your best friend. That sounds awful! (*hug*) There really isn't a right time to come out, but it's really good to wait until you have a support network around you. Which is somewhat of a catch-22 because it's hard to develop one without coming out. But I guess don't let the fact that you misjudged your friend keep you from trying to figure out more people who would be okay with it. Sometimes people have deep-seated issues that we just can't possibly know about and so react in ways that make absolutely no sense to us. That's not us failing to understand them, that's them failing to fully communicate what's going on with them. We aren't telepathic, after all. Keep us posted on how things go!
I'll take a moment to echo what has already been said. The proper time is when you're ready. I'm sorry about your friend, but you can't let his reaction thwart you, if and when you're intending to come further out. I'm on the record as saying that if someone can't accept you for who you are, then that person isn't worth your time. It's incredibly easy to write, exceedingly difficult to put into real-life practice, and very very true. Forgive me if I sound like a jerk for saying it, but it's something for you to consider. If and when you continue coming out, you will discover who your true friends are. I wish you all the best!
I think that the best time to come out is when you and the people you care for are ready unless you don't care losing people. Freaking people out is the best way to lose them. I think that expressing your sexuality in subtle ways than actually telling frankly to people that you're gay can help you prepare others. In my case, I express my sexuality... to my parents by: 1. telling them that I'm more interested in getting rich than getting a girlfriend. 2. lying to them that I'm not gay although I'm pretty sure that they know that I'll end up being one. to my friends by: 1. letting them see YAOI pictures in my phone. 2. joking them that pics of cute guys I have were my ex-boyfriends 3. etc., just be creative I learned that affirmation actually freaks people out. I haven't come out yet but I know that people around me know that I'm somehow perverted. I think that coming out also doesn't have to be always affirmative and I believe that showing to them that homosexuality isn't as freaking out as how most think is more important. Respect and dignity are also an issue. If people around you respect you and consider you dignified, they seem not to be freaked out at all. So far, my parents still seem psychologically normal and my friends whom I have done those I have written above are still my friends. Anyway, acceptance may also vary by culture. Hope my advice helps and wish you luck.
I think it's kinda important to point out that not everyone believes that being gay is equivalent to being "perverted." I'm not sure if that's what you were getting at, zumbo, but if so... yeah, well... I guess it depends on your context but I know me and my friends and I'm pretty sure most of the people in my life don't equate homosexuality with perversion. Actually, quite a few of the straight people I know are pretty perverted. *grin*
Thanks for the advice guys. Since the 1st post I came out to a friend that i went to school which i was a bit worried about since i went to an all boys school (there were a few homophobes), he took it well and was cool with it, even gave me a hug cause he felt sorry about how my best friend reacted. As for coming out to everyone i think thats still a while away my parents will be the hard one to tell, but im happy atm that some people like me for who iam.
That's wonderful news! Remember that just because one person doesn't accept you, it doesn't mean that it's you against the world. Even though I think you've already proved you knew that Comiserations for your first attempt, though (*hug*) (*hug*)
