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how to stop having a crush on someone

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by egnvectr, Mar 18, 2010.

  1. egnvectr

    egnvectr Guest

    So I keep having a crush on my roommate. It seems to stop sometimes (like when he does something annoying) but then keeps returning.

    I know it's a really bad idea for this to happen with your roommate... and I really want it to stop. But how? I can't avoid seeing him, obviously. Unless I shut myself in my bedroom and don't leave it as long as he's in the apartment, but I doubt that would work.

    The only thing I can think of is if I liked someone else, then they'd replace him. But unless I'm just lucky and happen to find someone that's not something I can really do anything about.

    (as it happens he's not straight, but that's hardly relevant, it's not the point of the problem...)
     
  2. Mirko

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    Hi there! Well, it is really hard to stop crushes from happening and although it might sound odd, but they are healthy to some extent as they provide you with an opportunity to learn more about yourself.

    That said, one way to get over a crush is trying to make some new friends. Try to spend a bit more time outside of the apartment that you share. Although you are sharing an apartment you can still create distance by trying to join a LGBT support group with regular social events, or attend activities in the community, and getting to know new people. By doing all of that you allow yourself to start concentrating on other things and by doing other things you also allow your thoughts to move on.

    Sometimes, the feelings of crushes are intensified because we keep thinking and thinking about them to the point were it actually becomes even more intense. If you do get a thought about your room mate, and know that nothing can or will happen between the two of you, just acknowledge these thoughts, but keep doing what you were doing. Not fighting against your thoughts can help in moving on and slowly turning page.

    I hope this helps!
     
  3. Sylver

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    Why do you want the crush to end? Does he like you back at all? Are you intent on ending this only on the principle that it's a bad idea to be in a relationship with a roommate? I'm not necessarily of that opinion. If this was a crush on a straight roommate then this would be a different discussion, but if he's gay then I wouldn't dismiss this as quickly as you are.

    A crush can be a good indication that you think this guy might be a candidate for a relationship. If it's a one-way street and you know he won't like you back, then yes, you should try to get over him and I'd say the best way is by finding other people to be with, which might even lead to new relationships down the road. But if there's a chance that he likes you back then maybe it's worth considering?
     
  4. malachite

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    if you succeed in doing this please, PLEASE tell me how. I have a similar situation. Huge crush on a guy I can't be with the feelings subside for a bit but as soon as I see/talk to him there they are all over again.
     
  5. egnvectr

    egnvectr Guest

    Yes. If he were to find out I would just feel super awkward.
    Even if he actually did like me back, which I doubt, I wouldn't want any kind of relationship. I haven't even had one before, and having one with someone and then living with him would just be too complicated for me.
    I'm not even out to him at the moment and he's really not such a good friend of mine that I'd want to talk about that with him right now.
     
  6. Sylver

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    That's a fair answer. Then Mirko has given some wonderful advice. I think the key is to get out among other people who can take your mind off of him. Spend as much time away from him as you can and pretty soon other people will be the focus of your attention.

    Good luck!
     
  7. egnvectr

    egnvectr Guest

    Actually we don't have any overlap of friends at all and both of us are hardly home as it is. But still I end up seeing him sufficiently much to make it continue, even if its just a few minutes in a day.

    I'll try to work on this. thanks. I think I do end up spending a lot of time zoning out doing nothing and that probably doesn't help.
     
  8. Mirko

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    Hi there!

    Try to keep busy. If you have a time where you don't do something and you start thinking about him, call a friend and maybe go for a coffee/tea/drink to talk about other things so that your mind has something else to concentrate on. When you have a time where you zone out, use that time to find a group/activity that you like joining/doing. Another thing you could try is perhaps volunteering somewhere.

    With time, it will get better and you will be able to move on. It is good that you guys don't share any friends and have a separate social life as this will definitely help.