I don't know how to come out of the closet. Even though I think a few family members have an idea I haven't come out yet. I don't know how my friends and family are going to react to this. I need some advice on how to do this.
Well you've come to the right place - for sure! Welcome to EC! That's a common and frequently asked question here. I'd suggest reading some of the other threads in the coming out or support areas to get a feel for what other people have done. Basically, the more comfortable you are with your orientation, the less concerned you'll be with the reactions of other people. So hang out here and get comfortable with being gay, and the thought of coming out to friends and family will get progressively less scary. Good luck!
There are some incredibly good resources on EC. Just click on the "Resources" tab at the top, then look at everything related to Coming Out on the Resources Menu on the left-hand side. You will be amazed at how much of it will seem like it was written just for you!! (we knew you were coming! ) Most importantly my advice is not to come out to anyone until you have come out to yourself first. When you can say out loud "I'm gay" 10 times and be completely comfortable saying it, then you're ready to move on to coming out to others. Trust me, I kinda put the cart before the horse and it set me back... I had to come to EC to get "fixed" and now I'm back on track!! Finally don't be afraid to ask any specific questions here on EC, no matter how dumb they may seem or how personal they are. The people here are incredibly friendly, helpful, open and compassionate. This place is going to be your best friend and resource! Oh, and btw welcome to EC!!! Glad to have you here!! :icon_bigg
First, welcome. Second, (*hug*) for being brave and posting. Finally, have you gotten in touch with PFLAG? Their acronym stands for "Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays". They're pretty supportive. You can find them here: http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid=209 Or look up Coming Out books at your local bookstore or library. Those help as well to have on hand when you're ready to come out. Read through them first or online resources to get an idea of questions you might be asked and expected to answer. Some of these questions might be: "No you're not, it's a phase." or "How do you know you're gay?" or "Why didn't you tell us sooner?" or even "God hates gays. It's a sin in the bible." (Surprisingly my parents used this one on me and they're not uber religious. ) Parents and family may say hurtful things, but bite your tongue as best you can. Hug them, tell them that you love them and you wanted to be honest about your life instead of having to hide that part of yourself. And that you're still the same person you were before you told them, they just know more about you. I wish you the best. If you want, feel free to message me on my wall for some daily cheer. :icon_bigg
Hi there, and welcome to Empty Closets! Glad you have decided to join and post! As it was mentioned above, begin the coming out process only when you feel ready to do so. Follow your feelings and instincts at all times. If something doesn't feel right, take a step back and try to explore that a little bit more. There is no rush in coming out. Take your time. A lot of people start the coming out process by coming out to close friends first, who they know they can trust. Usually when you listen closely to your friends, you can figure out at times as to how they might react. In most cases, friends are supportive, espcially those who know you well. Once you feel ready to come out to your first friend, talk to that friend. Pull him/her aside and try to come out. Sometimes, some will join a LGBT support group either at school or in their community before they start the coming out process. LGBT support groups provide a safe place and no one will ask you as to what your sexual orientation is. For many it is the first point of contact with other LGBT teens/youths. Maybe give it some thought as to whether you would like to join a support group. Another thing you could do is perhaps talk to a counselor at school. Often times, talking about our fears and listening to ourselves can help getting to ourselves better and also in overcoming the fears. A counselor can be an important part of your support network on which you can lean up and draw strength from if you need to. The more comfortable you become, the better you will be able to start coming out process, and as it was mention by Jim, the less concerned you are going to be as to how other will react. Before coming out to your parents, maybe try building up a support network first. Often times this can help in getting ready for that step. Also, try talking to a few EC members and try to get to know them. Welcome aboard!
hey, welcome to ec. all i can say is get involved with this site. it really does help ya. also you will have some good times on here too. many people on here are in the exact same boat as you so if you have any questions just post away. you will get a response from someone with a clue. enjoy your time here!!
I hope you understand the huge step you have taken in coming out by finding this place and posting. That was very courageous. You should be proud of yourself! When I came here originally I could kinda see that I might be in the closet but that was not OK with me. I don't know how I did it but I quickly convinced myself that I was straight and canceled my membership here with the words "I'm not gay!" The thoughts did not go away though. I realized I had two options. I could try to ignore those thoughts and be a bitter and cynical straight guy or I could examine those thoughts and come to an understanding of my true self. I then came back to EC to get the help I know I needed. It took some time but it was worth it. I now know who I am and I like who I am. Finally being able to accept myself is easily the best thing I have ever done for myself. If you have any questions or concerns present them to this community. There are many wise people here that want to help you. So kick back and get comfortable here. Oh and Welcome to EC!
Well I just came out to my best friend on Wednesday and after I did it I felt so much better. I just told her while we were in a car together on a 2 hour car ride. The reason I told her because of past conversations let me know she was totally cool with it and so I felt comfortable with telling her. I would suggest that the first person you tell is a good friend and you have a good feeling they would be cool with it. Since my first coming out went well I now feel more confident coming out to others. If it didnt go so well I would be scared so try to tell someone you trust and it should make the future coming outs so much easier. Good luck on when you finally do decide to tell someone.
