omg. x 1000000

Moral Highground would get my vote.

 

Hey, hey. This was the question of the day a while ago... it isn't today!

It's a horrible thing to say, but it's all dependant on your own morals. But since you already said you don't want to cause trouble with their relationship, and you're doing it out of desperation, the answer is pretty obvious here: you'd feel guilty. So based on that alone I can echo what Mirko and Shevanel have said.

Oh, and he's using his girlfriend as a safety net incase he finds out he doesn't like guys as much as he thought. That's weak.

 

My there are a lot of puritanical sorts on the site; time for a dissenting opinion:

Let us consider - He kissed a man and liked it. The girlfriend may be a crutch to support a false straight guy identity. Aiding someone to cheat that is in a relationship based on a solid lie, a relationship that must end eventually, really is a minor charge. Do you know this girlfriend? Does anything bad happen to you if your little indulgence becomes known to her? If "no" then his proposition deserves further merit.

When individuals begin to admit the scope of their same sex attractions they can often feel vulnerable. I suspect you feel that if you were to go through with this deed, you would later feel like you were taking advantage of this man's vulnerability. This would not reflect well on your character and your perception of your character (all that subconscious stuff Chip was writing about). He could, on later reflection, take these early first encounters with gay men to assume the whole realm of gay to be as cold and inebriated/manipulative as his first experiences.

So, what to do? Let us not forget he is offering something rather nice.

You wrote that you were offering him advice over Facebook. Good for you, he could use someone to talk to who has seen the road ahead. He needs to understand what he is getting into with regards to his relationship with his girlfriend (the cheating) and that kissing another man and liking the sensation does not automatically make him part of the queer alphabet soup. He also needs to know that understanding his own nature can be done with inner reflection rather than slutty experimentation. He also needs a second opinion, lest he later mistrust your counsel as that of someone just looking to get into his pants. EC perhaps?

As long as he is going into this eyes open, I feel that this could be a rewarding experience for the both of you. Play safe.

Addendum: After kissing this fellow a bit (maybe a bit more) he will be making his own decisions as to who he pursues next. Being a guinea pig can have such a bad reputation these days, but how do you feel about the matter?

 

1) regardless he is in a relationship and anything you do to compromise that relationship would be wrong

HOWEVER this guy is confused and i think that it could be beneficial to him for you to help him work his way through it as a "str8" guy that wants male hookups really isn't str8 now are they , those would be the right thing to do and maybe even result in what you are looking for coming out of it If you don't know him that well get to know him, i personally am not a fan of the idea of hooking up with someone you barely know cause i think it is a bad start :x

I mean also the bad side of me would say hang out don't do anything and if he chases you let him, maybe he will discover what he wants wether it is a guy or a girl or a guy this time idk just rambling now i guess xD

 

oh also, You lucky bastard

 

Sorry, it's he who needs to choose the moral high-ground. Not you.

You're doing nothing wrong. He's already cheated with one other person.

You wanna shag him and he want to shag you. I'd go for it.

 

if this guy is straight and has a girl friend,, why is he suddenly looking to hook up with a guy. u need to concider what is going on in his head.

plus because the oppertunity is there doesn't mean u should take it.

 

"str8" and in the army oh damn when do i get to have this luck xD, but i stand by my decision to keep it clean till you know a little more about the whole situation and maybe spend more time talking/hanging out with this mystery "str8" man :x

 

you can do much better for yourself i say. i wouldnt wanna be with someone that clearly doesnt think enough of the people they are with. this guy sounds a rite twat. guess if he happens to leave this girl and then asks you again you could consider it haah.

 

Some random thoughts.

When "straight" guys (especially in relationships) start making moves on a guy, it tends to follow a certain path. For one thing, he'll probably have VERY specific lines he doesn't want to cross. Many gay guys do, too, but he'll have the additional fear of going beyond them because "then it'd be gay". Also, he'll probably be very paranoid about anybody finding out that something is going on, and as such, he'll probably be keeping you at arm's length (or greater) when you're not actually getting physical. Thirdly, two common results are that he decides it wasn't for him (post-orgasm) and completely cuts contact, or he wants to keep meeting up. But when that second one happens, it'll be extremely discretely, and on HIS schedule, not yours.

So keep that in mind. The best you can hope for is some (possibly) hot sex, based on his schedule, which he won't want anybody to know about. If that's still appealing to you, play safe, and go have fun.

Lex

 

No matter what the argument is, you can never justify this action ethically.

I'm sorry Chip, but using a theory to justify cheating as a theory to justify murder is flawed. Cheating does not equate to murder. And the ending of a relationship and the ending of a life is fundamentally different, but you know this.

I hate to be devil's advocate here, but consider this: he's going to cheat on her again anyways. It may not be today, it may not be tomorrow, but it's probably inevitable (unless he knows himself very well). What if it happened while he was married? What if he had children? Would you say that would be a better time for him to experiment? Yes it's a poor rationale - "oh I'm going to steal this item because someone else will steal it anyways" - but it's worth consideration.

Or, what if he goes out to a bathhouse to experiment. What if he does so in an unsafe manner? What if by having sex with a stranger he contracts some STD, which he then passes onto his girlfriend? Is it not better to try to avoid that scenario, and allow him to experiment in a safer environment with someone that knows how to "play safe"?

Then there's the girlfriend. Would it be better for her to invest all this time in him, and then him later coming forward and saying "Sorry hun, this isn't going to work, I'm gay!" Or is it better to help him figure it out (either emotionally, or physically) and potentially cut that relationship short so that she can find someone else to fulfill her life? Do you think she would be more hurt over a one-off experimentation, or a repeated string of affairs with multiple people behind her back over the course of years? Granted, either way she'll be hurt if she found out, but unfortunately the former would seem to be the lesser of two evils.

In an ideal world, the girlfriend would give him permission to experiment. But we do not live in that world. Is it wrong ethically, yes. Does it lack integrity if he chooses to do so? Perhaps. But there are far more considerations to this seemingly simple "yes or no" situation. It's really easy to say "just take the moral highground," and if presented with the same situation I personally would, but like I said in my last post:

 

I'm sorry Chip, but that's really an unfair generalization. I didn't realize raising some other points of consideration meant we don't have any shared ethics or values. Should we instead show Alex only one side of the coin and repeat en masse "cheating is bad, don't do it"? Doing that could almost be considered unethical.