i need some advice

Hi Josh! Welcome to EC! (*hug*)

First of all, I am happy you have reached a point where you are accepting of your own sexuality. Regardless of what your religion tells you is "right" or "wrong."

Coming out can be very hard, and even harder when in a religious family. It is very scary - even for people not in the same kind of situation - so just realize that you are not alone in this. Even posting here about it is a brave first step, and you should be proud of yourself.

Do you have any idea how your parents feel about homosexuality?

Do you have anyone in your life that you know, for a fact, would be accepting of your sexuality? A friend? A family member? It's generally easiest to come out to friends or family when you know their likely reaction is going to be positive. Even just telling one person that you can confide in will help relieve some of the stress of "living a lie."

When it comes to difficult "coming outs," i.e., to a religious family, it can also be very important to build up a support network first. This is because religious families (like all families) can react unpredictably to the news. Furthermore, having a support network in place will be of great comfort if things with your family took a turn for the worse. That said, do you go to university? Do you have any local LGBT groups in the area, or an LGBT centre? Any gay friends? All of those might be starting points for building your support network.

I would also recommend checking out PFLAG as they have many good resources there. Some other members might be able to chime in with other links that focus on religion and coming out. A video that might be worth checking out (youtube) is "the bible told me so."

I hope that helps a little. (*hug*)

 

Hi Josh and welcome to EC
I think you have come to the right place to become more comfortable with who you are and to get some help and support.
I have never been through what you are going through and so I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you, but many guys on EC are going to be able to relate to your experience and hopefully will be able to give you great advice.
Hold on and make yourself at home on EC.
Take care, Cécile

 

Hi Josh,

I know how you feel, I am 21 years old and haven't told ANYBODY that I am gay. It is driving me nuts I can feel your pain dude. Anyway I'm not a full member or I could private message you but I would love to talk to you... if you can message me please do so. I think we both are feeling about the same!

 

Hi Josh and welcome to EC!

What you're going through is quite common - even though you have likely felt very alone up until now.

I'd suggest hanging out here and getting more and more comfortable with your orientation. Eventually you'll com eto terms with it and be less afraid of what others might think. I would agree that the only way to really be happy is to stop living the lie and live an 'authentic' life. But the timeline for you to get there is as unique as you are. There's no hurry. Take your time.

 

This might seem like a rerun, for whatever reason.

An old poster from the 70s proclaimed "I AM somebody, because God don't make no junk." God didn't screw up by making you gay. And you can't pray the gay away. If you could, many of us wouldn't be here on this website right now.

Say you're standard height. Six feet or so. Now say you live in a house built for small people, roughly three feet high. So your head scrapes along the ceiling, you can't fit in the bathtub, you're always crouching down to reach into cabinets, you bang your head on doorframes, and you have to curl up into fetal position to fit into your small bed. Given that, you might think "If only I weren't so tall, life would be so much better."

See, the problem isn't that you're too tall.
Your problem is that you're in the wrong house.

You've at least seemed to realize that. You're on the wrong highway, heading in the wrong direction. (To suddenly switch metaphors.) What do you do when you realize you're driving the wrong direction? You sure don't say "Well, I can't stop now - people will think I don't know what I'm doing." No - you find the first place possibly to swing around and start going in the RIGHT direction. And I think that'll be what you need to do next.

So give it some thought. Being a youth pastor isn't for you, apparently. Do you have any idea what you DO want to do? If you DO enjoy helping others, there's nothing to prevent you from doing that as a gay man. (I do it plenty.) Keep giving that some thought. Get a day job if you're not sure what your next move should be. If you've started training to be a youth pastor, stop the training. It doesn't matter if "it's already paid for" or "I only have three months left" - stop. It's a dead end now, and it'll only make you feel worse to keep up the facade anymore. And feel free to hang out here some more. The more gay guys you know - even online - the more secure you'll feel in your sexuality.

Lex

 

^ Yeah, we don't allow PMing or the exchange of non-EC contact info if you're not a full member. It kinda sucks, but it isn't us being killjoys. I won't go into boring detail here, but let's just say that having a website full of gay and questioning young people can be look extremely attractive to several types of unsavory characters. We feel our main mission over all others is to keep this site safe for all who choose to use it.

As a regular member, the only people you'll be able to send private messages to are staff members. However, you can still contact confused102188 (and any other member you choose) directly by posting on their "wall". These conversation is somewhat more private and direct, but do know they can be read by anybody. (It literally is like leaving messages on dorm room doors.) Click on the member's name, and then choose "view member profile". Then write your message in the Wall Message space provided.

Not much, but it's better than nothing.

Lex

 

Hi Josh my advice is to take your time doing it. I have been taking my time as well coming out.