It's all in your head.

Most often the suggestion is made that you could turn it around and ask them they know that they're really straight, and that they don't just 'think' they're straight?

Basically, it's unfair of them to question this when they aren't gay...

 

A lot of times people suggest using sarcasm and pointed rhetorical questions for this sort of thing. While that's fine for random jerks on the street, your relationship with your parents is hopefully much better than that. So, don't use sarcasm.

Make it very clear that you aren't confused, you know you like men, and aren't ashamed of this. Point out that you necessarily know yourself better than they can, especially now that you're thirty-one. PFLAG presumably has good references, but I dunno much about them.

Another thing, if they try to say that this is "just a phase" you can point out that that isn't relevant. Even if it were a phase, you're gay now. And you don't expect, or want, that to change.

Don't assume you know what'll happen. People surprise us, consistently. I also overthink talks, and generally find that they're way less scary in actuality than in the worrying.

 

^ exactly what Jim said.
It's one of the most stupid question straight people ask (probably because very few of them realy think about it before asking).
You can also add that very few people think they are gay for 31 years and suddenly happened to be straight.

i wish you good luck with coming out to your parents (*hug*)

 

Hmmm... something along the lines of:

- "You're not really straight then, you must just think you are"
- "I've spent all of my life thinking about this, you've spent 30 seconds. I know."
- "Pretty sure I know what gender I'm attracted to better than you do."
- "My boyfriend thinks otherwise."
- "I didn't tell you guys for you to question what I know to be true."

PS: If my parents ever asked me the question, they should damn well expect sarcasm or pointed questions.

 

This is where I would let my actions speak louder than my words. I'd politely say that you're pretty sure that you are gay - you've had most of your life to contemplate it and you didn't come to this conclusion frivolously - but you respect their right to be doubtful. Then just keep being who you are. Time alone will force them to conclude that you are in fact gay. I just don't think it's worth an argument because all you'd be doing is tackling their denial for them, and they're going to have to work that out for themselves. You can always be there to help them get to the truth, but you can't force them to accept that you're gay if they're not ready to receive that message.

But hopefully that's not the way it goes!

By the way I'm another one that tends to overthink things as to possible outcomes... sometimes it's a blessing and sometimes a curse... But whatever you do, don't let it provide you with a convenient excuse to procrastinate if you're otherwise ready to do this. But at the same time please do make sure that you're ready to do this.

 

"Of COURSE it's all in my head. That's where my brain is."

When parents suggest this, it's usually because they feel you've given it as much thought as they have - to wit, you thought of it five minutes before you called them into the room. So if you feel they're going to go that route, head them off at the pass. Mention that you've given this a lot of thought. Say that you tried riding it out, thinking it might be some passing phase, but after several months/years, you realized that this is not something that's going away.

Lex

 

Dude, you are in the Twin Cities! If San Fran ever slides into the ocean one day you'll be living in the gay capital of the United States!! I spend a lot of time there and your city has more gay stuff to do than most others in the world. Just start looking and ye shall find!!

 

Precisely. You're 31. You're a bit beyond the "I wanna be a fireman when I grow up" portion of your life. So tell them, move beyond that step, and get going on the rest of your life already.

Lex

 

I'd simply tell them when you're ready to discuss this like adults, and not like I'm 12, let me know. Then leave.

 

(*hug*) You can do it prismaticlight. I have faith in you.

If anyone questions you, do what Jim said. "Well how did you know you were straight?" And they'll go... "well I just am. Or it's normal." And you can respond with... "Well I know I'm gay as you know you're straight. It is normal. There are a lot of gay people in the world. I'm still the same person you know and loved before I told you, you just know a bit more about me now. I love you." And maybe hand your parents coming out resources: books, letters or links to the PFLAG.org website. That can sometimes help parents gain insight to any questions you're not sure of answering.

I remember a few months after I came out in April, a friend I've had since grade 5 came over to visit. My mom left the house and went outside to talk to her. My mom asked if I'd told her about my sexuality and she said "yes. But it doesn't change who she is." Mom trusted my friend because we grew up together. We were tight friends (nothing more). And then my mom asked her, "I really hope she isn't gay." My friend did the stupidest thing... She said, "Well... maybe it is a phase. Maybe she's just bi. I don't think she's fully gay."

I could have killed her. How the hell would she know my sexual orientation??! I didn't talk to her for a couple weeks after that and then I had a bit of a shouting match with her about this. No one can know your sexual identity but you. If you are sure you are gay, then you're gay. And there's nothing wrong with that. (*hug*)