I am wondering how to come out to my best friend. He is in my frat and is my best friend. My fear is that we are both pretty masculine; how will he react to me coming out? I understand that it is process, but how am I supposed to come up to these guys when we are all pretty masculine. I am scared. Let me know if anyone has a similar experience or advice.
How would you feel if he told you he is gay? Would you think he was less of a man or would you feel happy that he values you as a friend and is comfortable letting you know something personal about himself? I don't have much experience with coming out so I will leave the rest to someone else.
I'm not scared of my safety at all. I'd be accepting of him being gay because I accept him as my friend. It just doesn't seem that easy though.
Do you know what he thinks about the LGBT community?? Try to see what he thinks about gay people. Mention that you read something in the newspaper about gay people, and see how he reacts.
Watch ABC Family's Greek... they deal with the issue of being gay in a frat in what seems like a pretty reasonable, realistic manner. Plus it's a great show, although probably not a totally accurate representation of Greek life. But like lawyers can enjoy law shows and police people can enjoy crime shows, I'm sure you could take it for what it is. I think it often helps to frame coming out in that kind of situation as, "I'm telling you because you are such a good friend and I don't want to feel like I need to hide anything from you or that I'm lying to you." It's hard to argue with someone who is telling you you're sharing something with them because they're so important to you.
>>>I'm not scared of my safety at all. I'd be accepting of him being gay because I accept him as my friend. It just doesn't seem that easy though. Here's the weird thing - it IS that easy. My experience is that people you tell will take a cue from you. If you approach it hesitantly, worried, in that "I have a secret to tell and you have to SWEAR not to tell ANYONE"...they'll treat it like it's some sort of horrible secret, too. But if you approach it calmly, confidently, as if it's no big deal - because it isn't - then they'll treat it like it's no big deal, too. Lex
There's a thread on here for those of us who are greek. There's about 8 of us I think. From my experience, you don't have to worry about it. When I came out to my brothers, they were 100% supportive of me, and now that I'm dating someone they're even making a point to learn his name and talk to him just like if another brother were dating a girl. Granted, I attend an engineering school, and we aren't exactly athletic (even our MIT chapter is more athletic than us, which is just sad), but we're a pretty damn conservative fraternity. The fraternity has been around since the 1850s and the chapter since about 1950, and we were a local fraternity for 40 years prior to that. Religion doesn't cause much issue either, as it's rather non-existent at an engineering school. The thing is, these people are your brothers. No matter what you tell them, the ritual keeps you connected. They wouldn't have initiated you if they didn't think you were worth it, and your secrets are not big enough that they can't handle them. The bond of the brotherhood is stronger than you think.
I agree completely with Lex. From my experience, those that I told in an upset, frightened tone, were the ones to be a little more 'shocked'. Of course, thats not always true, but it certainly affects how they'll react. If he's your best friend, odds are, he'll support you. That's what best friends do. When I told my best friend, he was taken aback at first, but it didn't take long for him to understand. I'd say just go for it, I think you'll be surprised how well it goes.
