1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I think my girlfriend is in love with someone else...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by thegrimreaper, Mar 21, 2010.

Thread Tools

Thread Tools

Page 1 of 2
  1. thegrimreaper

    thegrimreaper Guest

    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2010
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ontario
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Okay, so, I think my girlfriend loves this guy as well as me, that lives (oh, this is the best part *sarcasm*) He lives on the other side of canada, and she only knows him via email and msn and stupid shit like that (sorry if Im not supposed to say that.). It just pisses me off cause shes already talked about moving in with his when she goes off to college (We're 16) and its just freaking me out, she says she loves me and that she only has an infatuation with him, but its scaring me cause I dont know whether to believe her or not, and to top it all off, shes becoming increasingly distant, like shes there, but not really y'know? What should I do? :confused: :help: PS: sorry if this is in the wrong section.
     
    #1 thegrimreaper, Mar 21, 2010
  2. beckyg

    beckyg Guest

    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2007
    Messages:
    6,656
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    Middle of Oregon
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    The best thing that you can do to hang on to your gf is is just show her that you love her because that is going to mean more to her than any long distance relationship. If you battle with her about this, you'll lose her for sure.
     
    #2 beckyg, Mar 21, 2010
  3. Spectre

    Spectre
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2010
    Messages:
    259
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Canada
    Nope, right section. :thumbsup:

    What should you do? Well, have you tried talking to your girlfriend about how you're feeling?
     
    #3 Spectre, Mar 21, 2010
  4. thegrimreaper

    thegrimreaper Guest

    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2010
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ontario
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Im trying the best I can, but she always talks about this guy and how hot he is and how shes excited to move in with him and stuff. Shes so afraid of losing him its ridiculous, she said theyre fighting right niw, big time, because hes saying that he cant wait a few years to be with her. So that makes me think they are already thinking about being together...
     
    #4 thegrimreaper, Mar 21, 2010
  5. Spectre

    Spectre
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2010
    Messages:
    259
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Canada
    Then I think you need to do some serious re-evaluating of your relationship. It seems to me that her view of this boy is a little more than mere infatuation. She's afraid of losing him, they're "fighting," she talks about his hotness all the time, and they're going to be moving in together? Yet she says she loves you? Sorry, but it just isn't adding up. If she loved you she would talk to you about it like a real person instead of stringing you along.

    If you haven't made clear by now that the situation is bothering you, you should. Contrary to beckyg's statement, which suggests a passive approach, I don't think this situation warrants passivity.
     
    #5 Spectre, Mar 21, 2010
  6. thegrimreaper

    thegrimreaper Guest

    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2010
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ontario
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    oh, and, this guy is madly, insanely in love with her and gets riculously jealous of our relationship and gets really bitchy to her, saying that I dont appreciate her like he could ( I dont even talk to the guy like wtf?). EDIT: I know, Im going to talk t her about it and tell her that it serioously bugs me. Idc if she bitches at me, maybe it'll make her think a little more about our relationship compared to theirs.
     
    #6 thegrimreaper, Mar 21, 2010
  7. silverhalo

    silverhalo
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2008
    Messages:
    10,698
    Likes Received:
    3,723
    Location:
    England,
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    How about somewhere in the middle, how about talking to her and saying how much what she is doing is hurting you and that you are not happy with the situation as it is, tell her how much you love her and that that hasnt changed but that if she is truely in love with this man and wants to persue that relationship then you will have to let her go. I think its important to make it clear that she cant have both.

    Im not sure it is the case in this situation but I just wondered if maybe she is trying to make you jealous for some reason, it seems weird to be so infatuated with a guy so far away when she already has a girlfriend at home.
    As much as it would hurt if she doesnt realise what she is doing to you is totally wrong then you deserve better (*hug*) (*hug*)
     
    #7 silverhalo, Mar 21, 2010
  8. Austin

    Austin
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2008
    Messages:
    3,172
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Los Angeles, CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Omg I had the exact same experience. I was 16 too. More than a year ago. Anyways, I had met him online but we'd gone on dates in person, and he had previously "dated" some guy online that he'd never met. And I found out he "webcammed" if you know what I mean with him online still. I ended up being forced to end it (and he said he thought it was best too... guess he wanted someone he'd probably never meet from online over someone who he could be with in real life?)... not going to date someone who two-times me...

    Anyways, if I were you, having this happened to me, I'd be forced to break up with her, though every situation is unique and might not turn out the same way.

    Although, she shouldn't be "infatuated" with someone else while dating you, and continue to have contact with said person. If she was faithful to you she should be trying to stop liking said person. Has she? Has she stopped talking to her?

    I'd break up with someone who was two timing me. Unless that is the way you want your relationship to be (an open relationship, right?), you're basically allowing her to cheat on you. And if she is becoming more distant she is probably 'falling out of love' with you.

    Edit: Oh, I only read the first post. I thought it was a girl. But ya, dump that piece of trash. :slight_smile:
     
    #8 Austin, Mar 21, 2010
  9. thegrimreaper

    thegrimreaper Guest

    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2010
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ontario
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I just talked to her about it and she understood where i was coming from, I love her to pieces and desperatly dont want to lose her. If I get hurt, so be it, but Im gonna try and trust her with this. God, I hope she wont break my heart... Thanks for all your help everyone, Ill let you know if anything else happens. :slight_smile:
     
    #9 thegrimreaper, Mar 21, 2010
  10. Austin

    Austin
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2008
    Messages:
    3,172
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Los Angeles, CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Ummm, she understands where you are coming from? Is that all she said? Did she say she'd stop having contact with that guy???
     
    #10 Austin, Mar 21, 2010
  11. thegrimreaper

    thegrimreaper Guest

    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2010
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ontario
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    No, but she said that nothing was happening between them and she felt bad that it seemed that way. She also said that she doesent love him and spent the last hour or two (I was out for supper) in tears because she was afraid I was going to leave her.
     
    #11 thegrimreaper, Mar 21, 2010
  12. thegrimreaper

    thegrimreaper Guest

    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2010
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ontario
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    They have been friends for 2 ish years now, so I cant just ask her to stop talking to the guy.
     
    #12 thegrimreaper, Mar 21, 2010
  13. Austin

    Austin
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2008
    Messages:
    3,172
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Los Angeles, CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    You can.... but ummm she needs to seriously get this sorted out. She shouldn't be allowing him to be in love her and she shouldn't be in love with him. :wink:
     
    #13 Austin, Mar 21, 2010
  14. thegrimreaper

    thegrimreaper Guest

    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2010
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ontario
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    i know, and shes telling me shes not, and I need to trust her, and Im going to try the best I can. She knows she has things to sort out, shes got a lot going on right now, as do I, and i think we both just need to sort things out. && He wont let go of her, its ridiculous.
     
    #14 thegrimreaper, Mar 21, 2010
  15. Spectre

    Spectre
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2010
    Messages:
    259
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Canada
    I'm sorry, but even if she has known him for two years, it sounds like he has STALKER-LEVEL FEELINGS. And she intends to move in with him. Is she out of her fucking mind?

    Seriously. I'm glad you talked to her about it, and that she (obviously) felt bad about the whole thing. But she really needs to set some boundaries.
     
    #15 Spectre, Mar 21, 2010
  16. thegrimreaper

    thegrimreaper Guest

    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2010
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ontario
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I know, she said she was thinking about moving in with him for college, instead of living with a roommate or something. And I very much agree with that statement, yet she insists that she knows him perfectly well when shes never really met him in person. Ever.
     
    #16 thegrimreaper, Mar 21, 2010
  17. Austin

    Austin
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2008
    Messages:
    3,172
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Los Angeles, CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    If she's never met him in person so what if she's known him online 2 years... she still doesn't really know him.

    Also "He wont let go of her, its ridiculous." lol if she disconnects hr internet...there... he can't contact her! :grin: She's probably just stringing him along or hes a creepy stalker in which case she should stop talking to him for hers and your safety (since he hates you and he might be a psycho)
     
    #17 Austin, Mar 21, 2010
  18. thegrimreaper

    thegrimreaper Guest

    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2010
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ontario
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    They have each others cell and home numbers too. And thats what I keep trying to tell her, he seems very obsessive. That and hes 4 years her senoir, a heroin addict and shes never met him.
     
    #18 thegrimreaper, Mar 21, 2010
  19. Austin

    Austin
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2008
    Messages:
    3,172
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Los Angeles, CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Well, hope it works out.
     
    #19 Austin, Mar 21, 2010
  20. thegrimreaper

    thegrimreaper Guest

    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2010
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ontario
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    So do I, I really really do.
     
    #20 thegrimreaper, Mar 21, 2010
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)
Page 1 of 2