After 5 months (on the 5 month marker actually) me and my BF decided to break it off (more my push than his) and it really is leaving me a little mixed. I could tell he didn't want it to end and we ended it on a good note (relatively) agreeing to still be friends and that if he was nearby we could prob hang out and such (also ended with mutual BJ, which possibly makes for a interesting break-up story). So i guess we are in a friends with benefits after breaking up limbo, where he wouldn't be seeing me very much...... All in all i find myself sad despite it feeling like it was what i wanted. I'll review i'm just looking for help in understanding this and maybe cheering up.... - about a month ago i started doubting wether i wanted to be with him, i didn't see us as a together forever kind of couple - I was curious about if i was missing out with other relationships and wether or not i could do better - It seemed like the relationship was starting to get really routine and not really anything to special - the sex was meh most of the time - but he was a good guy and was good for me in some ways and not good in others (helping me deal with stress and just feel better when i was down vs hurting my ability to focus, stop playing video games and procrastinating) - Sometimes i missed his company other times i didn't want it - Sometimes i wished i was single so i could play the field a little - I felt like the word love came out to early - for some reason 5 months seemed like a fricken LONG time it was like i went "5 months that is almost 6, that is half a year so a year isn't far off " idk - he was more upset than me when it was over, i have had very mixed emotions on the subject, although a little worried i made a bad decision. I really just needed to talk it out cause i can't seem to understand why i know feel a little sad/depressed and bad, although also a little relieved idk it is all very confusing and i just need help right now.... thanks for reading it if you did, Austin
Well it sounds like you didn't want to be with him anyways. Can't really say "Sorry you two broke up " since it was your choice...
Sometimes, it's just better to move on. Casting doubt on the relationship, or wondering whether you're missing out on something better, is never a good sign so early. As I see it, you gave it a go. Five months isn't insignificant. It wasn't working for you - so you broke it off. I think that, had you not broken it off (given your feelings), you might have regretted it later. It sounds like it is what you wanted, even though it might make you sad. Breakups are rarely happy events, for either party. Hang in there. You'll find someone that you connect with better. (*hug*)
It is normal to grieve the loss of what was good in the relationship. Grieving, whether intentional or not, is a process that takes time.
Your first relationship isn't going to be your last. Your first bullet was the most telling - you didn't see yourselves as a 'together forever' kind of couple. If you've reached that conclusion, then it's probably time to move on. Especially at 17 - it's not likely that you'll have met your one and only partner. I'm glad you ended it on a good note though.
Some thoughts, for what they are worth: - First relationships are often the test-cases. No matter how well you think of it beforehand, no matter how well you know yourself, even if you read every textbook dealing with relationships, you end up discovering things through experience that you wouldn't have discovered any other way. And one of those things might be that what you thought was a perfect fit at first sight, doesn't turn out to be so perfect after all. In which case calling it a day might be best. You both probably learned a lot from it and this can only help you in future relationships! - Being the one that breaks up is being the one that breaks the status-quo. It doesn't help that a lot of the time, the one that does the breaking-up is considered to be the "bad one" in the relationship and the one that "quits". Even though in reality, freeing the situation up so both parties can find a better fit might be the right choice. Also, being the one that breaks up usually means that you're already busy coming to terms with the break-up, while the other party might not have seen it coming at all. Upsetting the status quo and upsetting others is going to be upsetting for you too. Even if you did the right thing. - I do think all relationships get a bit of the routine after a while. Initially, falling in love is fueled by hormones. they make everything seem great, make the most mundane activities feel like the most romantic moments ever and make you smooth over bad moments. However, such a state isn't sustainable for the rest of your life, so eventually it dies down. And then things seem more routine. That's pretty normal, though. And it's bound to happen in any relationship you get into. So don't get any unrealistic expectations either! In the end, even if you meet the best possible guy in the world, there will come a moment when it becomes more routine with him too. There will be moments when the sex is meh and he gets on your nerves some day. At that point you'll need to put some effort into it and break through the routine to make things great again. So don't go into a next relationship with unrealistic expectations either. - "Friends with benefits" might be a touchy place to be in. Especially if you're having the impression he's not entirely over the breakup. I'm not saying "friends with benefits" is bad in all cases, but do make sure he isn't doing this in hopes of getting you back, and that you aren't doing this to just make him feel better about it. That can only lead to more hurt along the way. Sometimes, even if you want to be friends afterwards, taking a bit of distance might be best at first. Okay, that came out longer than I intended. The most important thing I want to say is: if you felt like there was too little binding you together, then you did the right thing in breaking up with him. It's normal that it hurts, and it will probably just take some time to grieve for it. But that's a normal part of the process. I'm sure that you (and him) will be allright in the end! I hope this helps a bit... (*hug*)
