I discovered I was gay about two years ago and I am really upset about it because my parents are major homophobes. I feel disgusted with myself. And I have been cutting myself because I feel Unloved by my parents they say the love me. But tuey could never love the real me. Which has made me really depressed and that's when I started cutting and I can't stop doing it. everytime I am upset I run to get my knife. I have told one friend about my cutting and it's gotten to the point where I have to lie about it because he said if I don't quit then he can't be my friend anymore. He is the only one who knows I'm gay. I really need to stop but I just can't do it everytime I do stop I get so overwhelmed it's the only way I can calm myself down. I just don't know what to do about it I cut my inner theighs so noone will ever see them. I see a counseler but if I tell her about she has too tell my parents because I'm under 18. If she does that they will start asking questions and I will eventually have to admit that I'm gay. I'm just terrified right now. And need to stop cutting. I'm sorry about this huge wall of text I just need help :tears:
Okay, first: (*hug*) Okay, second: There are a lot of people here at EC who will be able to give you a lot of support. Finally, I'm not sure about the laws governing minors and counseling and confidentiality. Is there a GLBT support organization where you live? If so, they may have special support resources for youth. I'm also curious - on what basis are your parents homophobes? Is the opposition because of their religion? Peace,
Hi there, and welcome to Empty Closets! You have come to the right place! (*hug*) First off, congratulations on coming out to yourself. That is something to be proud of. Take your time in coming out to your parents. Don't rush it. Believe your parents when they tell you that they love you. Your parents they do love you and will always love you. Even though you know that your parents are homophobic, it has happened that upon learning that their child is gay, parents have changed. They have learned about what it means to be gay or LGBT and over time have come around to it. Often times, parents and friends will say things, without giving it a second thought. However, once they know that their words have hurt someone they love, they change and try to understand. But do take it slow. Try to find support among others first so that you have a good support network in place before you come out to your parents. The more comfortable you feel the better you will be able to come out to them and talk to them about it. Every time you feel overwhelmed, take a deep breath and maybe sit or lie down. Try to think about some of the great moments in your life. Think about something that allows you to relax. Self harming is never an answer to anything. You are already seeing a counselor, which is good. Have you thought about coming out to your counselor, given that your cutting is directly related to all the stress that keeping your sexual identity is hidden is causing you. Is there perhaps also a teacher that you could talk to, so to have an extra person to whom you can turn to and confide in? Teachers are good listeners and can also help you and be there for you. Talk to your friend. He has accepted you and let him know that you need his support and that you do want to stop cutting but that you do need support. A real friend will understand it and will try to help. You could just ask him if it is okay if you call him when and if you need to talk? Also, try to find a LGBT youth support group for your area where you can talk to with others around your age. It would also allow you to make a few more friends and have people to turn to for support. Is there a club or group at your school by chance? (*hug*)
Idk when I stopped cutting it was easy I just... didn't do it anymore. Maybe I wasn't addicted... Just try to do it less and less or find some other way to cope.
Welcome to (the posting side of) EC! Looks like you've got a lot on your plate right now, so let's see if we can ease the burden a bit. First off, let me tell you a bit about my experience with homophobes. You may have heard people dismiss homophobic people by saying "oh, they're just ignorant". I think this is an accurate assessment, but people tend not to think about what it might really mean. I have yet to meet a homophobe who has the opinion "I used to like gay people, but I realized they were actually all awful people." Instead, to them, gays are some distant group - "them", if you will. And it's extremely easy to hate a group of "them" if you don't actually know anybody in that group. It's getting to know somebody in that group that makes the hate difficult to maintain. Chances are extremely good that your parents hate gays because it's easy to do so. When they make a disparaging comment towards gays, they have no clue they're attacking you. If they had any idea what they were doing to you, I can next-to-guarantee they'd stop. The tough part, of course, is telling them. It doesn't sound like you're anywhere near ready for that yet. So I'd say put that aside for now, and let's work on getting help for your more immediate problems. I'm not an expert on cutting, so I'll let others weigh in on that. I do know that it's difficult to simply stop doing some activity. It's better if you can find some other activity to replace it. So first off, make the cutting as difficult as possible. You say when you feel the urge to cut, you "run to get my knife". So that'd be the first step - get rid of that knife. Throw it away. If you can't (maybe it's valuable or something), enlist the aid of your good friend. Ask him if he'll help you stop cutting, and give him the knife for safekeeping until you're in a better spot. Next, work on finding some sort of replacement for cutting. Try to examine your thought process - what about cutting appeals to you? Is it the actual causing harm to yourself? In that case, you might try something like running. Go outside and force yourself to start running until you feel like you're about to collapse. I know a few people who have found some success by doing something simple - putting a rubber band around their wrist and "snapping" it. It causes a sharp stinging sensation, and (if you do it extremely hard) might cause a small red mark. But it doesn't leave a lasting mark, and nobody will equate it with self-harming activity. Other people like the "destructive" part of cutting. If so, you might try something destructive that doesn't cause that much damage. I know one girl who, instead of cutting, went outside and stabbed an old knife into the dirt over and over. This might not be a good solution for you (since it involves a knife, after all), but perhaps you can find a similar activity. The main thing to remember over absolutely everything else is this. You are NOT letting your parents down by being gay. Feel free to spend some time here, chat with us, get involved a bit. The more you talk with other people, the better you should start feeling about yourself. We'll get you to a better spot yet. Lex
Hey, I have a problem with cutting too, but its been getting better lately (almost a month!) Its hell trying to stop if your addicted, but you have to find a way to distract yourself, take a walk, write, do some art, play an instrument anything really. After time, the urges will start to go away, they might not go away entirely, but they get easier to handle. Hope this helped good luck *hug*
My parents are homophobes due to religion they are Christian. Umm hiding the knife won't be very effective last time I tried to hide it. Smashed a picture frame and cut my self with the shard of glass. I'm not sure why but I like the painful sting and seeing myself bleed when I cut the dark red color is just really soothing for me. Everything I tell my counseler is confidential except if I'm hurting myself or hurting someone else sorry I wasn't so clear about that.
Hi there, and welcome to EC. This is the right place for you, and we're all here to help. I view cutting like any other addiction. You do it to mask or avoid uncomfortable emotions. That's the same reason that some people turn to alcohol, or drugs, or sex, or gambling, or food. None of those things are necessarily bad, but they aren't really an effective coping mechanism. And when we do them more and more, our coping mechanism becomes another one of our problems, yet the only coping mechanism we have is that thing, so we keep doing it - with more frequency and with more intensity. The answer? Stop. Stop completely. You CAN stop. You won't die if you don't cut. Your addicted brain will tell you that you'll die, but you won't. Don't decide to 'cut less' or 'cut softer' or 'cut smaller areas'. You need to stop completely. And if you can't stop completely, then you are going to need some help stopping. And that help is best to come from your counselor. And if they need to tell your parents that you're cutting, then so be it. That's what you'll have to do if you can't stop on your own. As for coming out... you don't need to tell anyone right now. If you need to provide the counselor with a reason for your cutting, tell them that it's because you're depressed. Or that you're worried that you don't feel loved. But your parents love you enough to take you to couselling, so they probably love you more than you think, and would continue to love you even if they knew you were gay. As was already suggested, hang out here more. Get to know some of us. We're a really great bunch of gay (and bi and LGBT friendly) folk. I know it helped me affirm that I was a good person despite being gay, because there were all these other good people here who were gay. And if they were so great, then I could be great too. And the more confident you can feel about yourself, the less you'll worry about how others will feel about you. Good luck. As a advisor, you can reach me via 'private messages' - so feel free to do so if you want to talk more about this in private. Otherwise, feel free to respond here in the thread.
