I'm out to everybody. Friends, siblings, cousins, teachers, everybody. Except my parents. My parents know that I'm gay, but I haven't made it "official." My sister told me that my Mom asked her about it, and she answered. My dad is another topic. He's not the most accepting of anything that's not him, which includes race, religion, and orientation. He also has a bad temper, so I don't know how to handle him AT ALL. I want to come out to them, because I'm tired of having to go to my room or the bathroom to talk on the phone about boys, or not being able to voice my opinion of whether somebody is attractive or not. I just want to feel free, but I have no idea how to make my orientation "official." Advice?
Hi there and welcome to Empty Closets! Congratulations on your coming out journey thus far. Given that your sister has already confirmed to your mum that you are gay, I think a good approach would be to come out to your mum first. It sounds like that you are ready for that step. Talk with your mum when you two have a few minutes where you can sit down and talk about things. If you find it hard to come out to your mum, you could also write a letter to her and talk to her afterward. There are a few examples under the Resource section. Feel free to have a read through them. It might also give you an idea as to what you could say to your mum. Do you have the feeling that your mum is supportive? Once you are out to your mum, let her know that you feel read and would like to come out to your dad too. Ask her for advice and/or support in that. Maybe print out some educational material for your dad (and mum as well) from the PFLAG website. PFLAG has a few good booklets for parents, including Our Daughters and Sons: Questions and Answers for Parents of Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual People. I think that would be a good place to start. You could also get a book for them, entitled Now that you Know, which is written by parents for parents. You can probably find it in your library or perhaps in your local bookstore. Amazon should also have copies available. But always remember that you are the best person to educate your parents about what it means to be gay. When you come out to your dad, let him know that you haven't changed at all and that you are still the same son. That said, if you live at home and you feel that your coming out to your dad could go really badly, it might be a good idea to wait until you have moved out. Maybe give it some thought. I hope this helps a bit.
