So, I recently started going out with this amazing guy at my school and it has been going pretty well, but now prom is right aroudn the corner and I have no idea what to do. My parents have only had about 6 months to get used to the idea of me being bi and only around 2 months about the fact that I'm dating a guy. I know my parents need time but I really want them to meet him before the prom. Is it unfair of me to ask them to or even hint that I want them to still be part of my prom experience? I really don't know how to approach this situation. They both said they loved me but that they don't fully understand it and my mom seems more interested in convincing me that I'm gay and not bi than anything else. What should I do?
Hi there, and welcome to Empty Closets! Given that your parents know that you are dating, I think it would be okay to introduce your date to them. Although your parents are still adjusting and trying to understand it, introducing your date/boyfriend to them gives them the chance to learn something not only about the guy your are dating but also about you as he is a part of your life. By asking your parents to be part of your prom experience you are telling your parents that "I want you to be part of my life, and I really would love you guys to enjoy that moment too." I think you can approach the situation by introducing the subject to your parents by bringing it up during a conversation. You know that both love you and that they are trying to understand you. In some ways by being open with them, you also give them the chance to see that you are living your life to the fullest which will help them to understand it and come around it fully. Hope this helps a bit!
I would say that you should get as excited as you want to about your prom, and taking your boyfriend, but don't expect your parents to be as excited. And if you expect them to do 'this' or say 'that' and they don't, then you'll be disappointed and it might spoil your evening. So be low-key about it at home. Let mom and dad know that you're going, who you're going with, and that he's coming by the house that day to pick you up. Then they can psych themselves up for it. Separate from the prom, you might want to suggest that your boyfriend comes over some time to meet them. I think that would be a nice thing for you to do. I know it exposes you to the possability that they'll say "No, I don't want that boy in our house!" but you'll never know unless you ask. Remember - you don't need your parents' permission to be happy, and you aren't responsible for their happiness either.
This is a delicate one and I had to reread your post a couple of times to make sure I got the subtleties right... My gut instinct tells me that you shouldn't make them a part of this by introducing him to them, because (1) it's your special night and their response might put a downer on it, and (2) I think for their sake you might want to make the introduction happen on a less important occasion, just so they are more at ease and less anxious about all the emotions they are going to feel. On the other hand it sounds like they are at least aware that you have a bf and they should be getting used to it by this point. Plus, clearly it is important to you that they play a role in your prom night if at all possible. And I think it's more than fair of you to want them to be a part of this. So here's how I see the decision ahead of you. Which is stronger for you - the desire to have them be a part of your prom experience knowing that their reaction might not be what you're expecting, or playing it safe and keeping them out of your prom night to try and insure that it goes well? I can't answer that for you; only you know how much of a risk you're willing to take. Having said this, I hold a special place for people who take at least some risks in life, because no risk no reward... but only as long as you know you can handle all possible outcomes... there is never any shame in playing it safe. Regardless, good luck and have fun!!
Thanks for the advice, really made me think. I'm planning on talking to them about maybe meeting him soon and hopefully before prom. Hope they say yes and hopefully it will also help them to get rid of all the stereotypes they have of gay. I will keep you guys updated. Thanks again
I assume your boyfriend said he'll go with you to prom? Because you might want to make sure about that part too.
haha ya. Probably one of the most awkward conversations ever. I didn't know if I was suppose to ask or wait for him. We kind of asked each other out. Now to decide who pays -_- haha Talked to my family today and turns out none of them are ready to meet him or see me hugging a guy. My mom also cried because she won't be able to show my grandma my prom pictures XD Guess I just have to give them more time but man I was really hoping for them to say yes :/
Well, a fun prom night with your bf is going to have to suffice! Don't worry too much about it, your parents will come around in time. It can be quite awkward for them to see you with a guy because it's not something they've ever had to imagine or consider until recently, and it makes the whole gay/bi thing rather final. But keep persisting with your bf and they will eventually warm to the idea. You might want to plan a very casual meeting after the prom is long gone where you can introduce your bf to them without all of the sentiment attached to a prom.
I agree with the posts James made. Don't let it ruin your fun. They are still getting used to the idea of who they thought you "were" rather than who you actually are. It's strange, but it's a mourning process, and they have to deal with the fact that they didn't actually 'mess you up' but that you just are this way. It took 11 months for my parents to actually meet someone I'm dating, so... it does take time. I'm sure all parents are different so.. hang tough. But don't let that spoil your happiness or your evening. It's your once in a lifetime prom! Have at 'er! As long as you have fun and no one is hurt (at the prom etc) then it'll be a grand time. (*hug*)
Will try and really hope they come along sooner than later but I know they need more time now. Thanks a lot guys
Don't let this get to you. This is YOUR prom, not your mom's. If she doesn't have anything else in her own life to be happy about and talk to her mother about, then she has a problem - not you. Don't make a big deal of Prom with your family. Get dressed up and just go. Have a good time. And then come home again when they're expecting you. You don't want to give the impression that your boyfriend is a bay influence.
