I just came out of the closet yesterday to friends and family. My friends reacted better than I thought they would. My mom was also pretty accepting about it. My dad on the other hand was pissed.I don't know what to do about this.
Give him time to accept it and get used to it, stuff like that. And talk to your friends and mom for support. Maybe you could get your mom to talk to your dad? Keep your friends close for when you need them, because they're like your little support group. Good luck :]
Hi there! First off, congratulations on coming out to your friends and family. Sorry to hear though that your dad didn't take it so well. Give him time to come around to it. Try to talk to him, try to let him know that being gay does not change anything about you. Talk to him and answer any questions/concerns that he might have. You are the best person to educate him about what it means to be gay. In many ways, being yourself around him and carrying on with your life as you usually do will help him to accept it as well. If you can, print out some PFLAG material for him and try to give it to him to read. Print out the brochure, Our Daughters and Sons: Questions and Answers for Parents of Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual People. Also, ask your mum for support and help. When you decide to talk to your dad, ask your mum if she can be there with you for support or in the next room, just in case you need support.
First of all congratulations on making this big decision! I'm very glad that most of your coming outs went well. Did your dad give any indication what's bothering him about this? Is it a religious or cultural concern? Does he perhaps have some wrong stereotypes of gays? Is he hurting for the loss of his dreams for you? There are many possible reasons why he didn't react well to the news, and depending on what's behind his reaction you might be able to help him out. Most importantly give him time to accept that this is who you are. It probably took you some time for you to come to terms with being gay, and now he's going to need some time to do the same. You can definitely help him by giving him some of the PFLAG information that Mirko has identified for you. You might also want to ask your mom if she can help explain what's behind your dad's reaction, and perhaps also help intervene with him on your behalf. Take full advantage of everything she has to offer you - it is so incredibly important to have an ally when things go sideways. Good luck!
I think he has negative stereotypes of gays and also I believe that he had expectations for me and he feels I let him down.
That's something you could try addressing when talking with him. The only way for him to learn the positives about being you is for you to really just be yourself which will allow him to see that stereotypes are just that, stereotypes. Talking to him about it and the fact that you are still the same son that you were before coming out to him will help in that. His reactions of feeling let down are very normal and it is going to take a bit of time for him to adjust and come to learn that you haven't let him down at all. Every parent has a dream for their child, what the future is going to look like, what the child is going to do. It will take a bit of time to create new dreams but by talking with him and highlighting that your sexual identity doesn't change anything about you, you will help him in that. You can talk to him about the expectations that he did have for you. Let him know that you can still pursue things and perhaps fulfill some of them. Being gay, doesn't prevent you from having a family down the road. Being gay doesn't prevent you from pursuing the careers you want or following your dad in his footsteps as it were. You can talk to him about all of these things, which will allow him to see that "yes, my son hasn't changed and things will be fine. He hasn't let me down." Ask your mum to help you in that. Talk to her and ask her for advice or suggestions as to how you could approach your dad.
You need to keep the lines of communication open, and give him time to digest this. It took all of us a long time to come to terms with our own orientation - so it's going to take him a while to come to terms with yours.
