I wasnt sure whether to post this in support or coming out. But here it is. I came out to my parents back in March of last year. We they found out they also found out about my depression and attempt suicide. I have changed my life around and things, I such a great strong working kid and my number 1 thing is to get our of high school and go to college to become a lawyer. I do so so much at school almost liek every club etc. It has been a year since i have come out. My parents havent talked to me about it at ALL. and i cant help feeling they just dont accept me. My parents are divorced and i hardly see my dad but i honestly want to rite him and my brother (30) and my sister in college at pepperdine(18) and im 15, an email to let them know i feel and stuff like that. I wanted to put websites on such as Pflag, any other ideas???? Im not sure what im going to say but i just need to know that my family either accepts me or is trying to. My mom i live with and its only the two of us so im not sure because ill have to sit her done and i just rather send her an email to bad that she never checks it. So please and support or ideas thanks
I'm thinking that your age is working against you a little. Unfortunately it's too easy for parents of children your age to pass it off as a phase or as experimentation on your part. They're not talking about it because they're just biding their time until you get older, hoping that you'll outgrow it or something like that. It's actually easier (or harder depending on your perspective) for someone who's 18 or 20 to come out to their parents because the parents have to face the fact that they should know by that point - it makes it more certain. You might want to be more assertive with your parents, but in a subtle way. Engage your mom in a conversation about some gay person or LGBT issue in the news and get her talking about it. Don't make it about you directly; just get her talking about gay issues in general. Express your opinions. And maybe say "As a gay person I feel that..." or something like that. Slip PFLAG into the conversation; "PFLAG says that..." - again you're making her aware without being overt. Look for changes in the conversation that might indicate a willingness on her part to talk about you and your feelings, and then dive in. And don't worry about how she reacts or whether she takes the bait or not; the important thing is that you're giving her the cue that you're still gay and it ain't going away. Persistence is always a great changer of minds. This will be a little harder to accomplish with your dad and your brother by e-mail. Do you visit them ever? Maybe use that to start a conversation. And I'd think it might be different with your brother and sister; they should be easier to talk to directly about this, because they probably don't have as much of a reason to hope that you're not gay. Good luck!
It's often difficult, after the initial conversation, for parents to talk to their kids about being gay. In part, that's because for many parents, it's really difficult or awkward to talk about anything relating to sex at all, and also in part, because, for most parents, being gay is something they know almost nothing about. So it's not a bad idea to bring it up and maybe just say that you know it's a little awkward and uncomfortable, but you'd like to see how they feel about it. Reassure them that talking about being gay doesn't mean talking about your sex life. And maybe see if your mom, and your brother and sister, when they're next in town, would attend a pflag meeting with you. One of my friends helped the process along by telling his dad, who loved jokes, that he liked gay jokes, and when his dad heard one, to share it with him. His dad hadn't known whether such jokes would have been OK to tell, so once he said that, it "broke the ice" and through the sharing of various jokes, they were able to become a lot more comfortable with each other. It takes time, but sometimes "priming the pump" a little bit will help things along.
I agree with James - all too often parents see it as a 'phase' and don't really talk to us about it - I think you should sit down with your parents and actually talk it through - you know, say how you've thought it through and you really feel that this isn't a phase, that it's actually reality - then if they don't accept it, you've done your best
This has been happening to me too. What I've been doing is just bringing up things like GSA and marriage rights, things like that. My parents probably aren't ready to hear me talk about girls I like and stuff. Just keep it starting slow like that, I suppose. :]
the probelm is i hardly see my dad long enough to talk aboutit. and because its so akward email will be better for all of us. I hate talking about it in person but over chat im good, its a fear of mine andi hope u can understand that but it is a issue for me to sit down and talk about it and i cant do it. Its hard enopugh with my mom.
If that's the best way, then go for it. My only suggestion is that you don't try to bulldoze your vantage point through. You don't want to say something like "I'm gay and you have to deal with it". Instead, you might want to say something like "I'm guessing parents don't like talking about their kids' sexuality much, but I'd like to know that you're cool with me being gay." This lets your dad know that you understand what HE might be going through as well. Lex
