I've been thinking about coming out. (maybe tonight?) Mostly all my friends in my school know, but my family!! No way. They're a religious group of people. I know what my dad would tell me. He would tell me that the devil made me this way, quite literally those words. He's said it before (not talking about me.) He said that he would still love his child if he or she were ''homosexual'' (as if he even understands that word :dry: ) but he couldn't accept them (accepting me would be a ''sin'' on his part, right?) I don't know what my mom would say right away, but I can imagine her face, and it already kills. She'll be really confused and sad and confused. I wouldn't tell my dad, I would want to talk to my mom about it first. I feel like she would be easier, but then again, her position in the church is actually very big and so, she's very involved in the religion. Both of my parents are strong believers. *SIIIIIIIIIGH* All my friends say I should wait until I move out. The reason I don't want to wait is because who knows when that will be? I have been planning to leave home at the end of August but its not for sure. I'm sad right now, I'm scared, ashamed, hateful, and tired of all of that now. I aslo want my parents to understand that I didn't move out and then ''change.'' I want them to know that I never changed. Also, I want them to understand, that even under their (religious) influence, it happened, it is what it is, I am what I am. I also want to tell my mom because I have such a huge fear of confrontation (for example: breaking up with people! Gah!) and a fear of being myself (not necessarily gayly, its a sort of seemingly unrelated fear of just being relaxed, I always feel as though no one will like me anyway) I'm terrified to be on my own, and on and on. Coming out to my parents seems to be the biiggeesstt confrontation, admition, conversation, I will ever have to have. I'm hoping that I will gain some sort of self respect, or even just a sense of worth, like ''Hey, I can do this. I can do anything.'' I know that there's a chance it could all go to shit. That my mom will freak out and be depressed and blame her self, and blame my friends, and blame my dad, and never actually be willing to listen. But I want to know that it's worth it. :icon_sad: I'm unhappy
It is worth it but it sounds like you're dealing with a lot of potential static. Make sure you're not taking a flying leap into something you might want to be more prepared for. Remember - you are who God made you to be. My favorite bible verse for dealing with this is 1 Corinthians 15:10 - "By the grace of God I am what I am, and God's grace towards me has not been in vain." Maybe that will help if they confront you with the religious arguments. Deep Peace, Mike
Hi there! I think if you already know how your parents will react based on their religious/cultural values, I would suggest that you don't come out to them at this point. I know this can be hard but I think it would be even harder having to endure the confrontations, which could literally make yourself feeling regret of having coming out to them and feeling that it was a mistake, and could have a real emotional impact on you, which, if possible, you want to avoid. I can understand that you want them to know and that it is on your mind a lot but you also need to consider the other side to this. I think it would be better to come out to them, when you have a ready made back up plan, i.e. you can be financially independent, have a strong support network (which can include friends, different support groups, counselors, teachers, etc....) and have a place to stay - just in case everyone needs to have a time out after your coming out. At the same time you can also try talking to people within religious circles who are more open towards homosexuality/LGBT which could provide you with some valuable information as to how you could approach your parents and come out to them. For you and your parents, education is going to be important. There are online resources such as PFLAG that have valuable information for parents on their website that you can print out. Read that as well. Also, try contacting the PFLAG in Montreal and ask them for information and help as well. For the time being, draw support from your friends, talk to them and try live your life as best as you can. There will be a time where you will come out to your parents and will have the chance to talk to them, but I would suggest to do so only after you have made sure that you have a strong support network in place to fall back on when and if you need to.
I totally agree with Mirko. I can 100% relate to your need to do this, and for the same reasons as you. They are excellent reasons and at some point all of them will need to be remedied. But for many people, especially those who grew up in troubled households or devoutly religious families or for people with self-esteem issues, coming out to your parents will probably be your hardest coming out of all - for you and for them. For many reasons that tells me they should be one of the last people you come out to. You need the practice of coming out to others, to know what it feels like, to know how it sounds to say that you're gay to someone you care about. You need to know what a successful coming out feels like, and perhaps to know the setback of one that doesn't go so well. You need to be fully confident in your own acceptance of your sexuality so that you can stand up to possible criticism and even, God forbid, rejection. You need to build up a support network for yourself of people who are cheering you on and will be there for you if things don't go well. And it's all that much worse when you're living at home and dependent on them for your survival. Look at it this way. Let's say you're a couch potato and you decide one day to run a half marathon. Which do you think would be a wiser approach - hopping off the couch and doing the marathon the next day, or adopting a plan that gets you in shape slowly and methodically, starting with walking, to power walking, to some running, to strenuous running, and then finally the half marathon? You know the answer, and it's a fair analogy. Coming out to your parents, especially given what you've said, will be your marathon. So plan for it, prepare for it, and pace yourself to get to that point where you can do it. There is no shame whatsoever in working slowly towards your goal, especially since your goal is such a good one!
This. (James - are you really an engineer?!? Because your use of language and metaphors is exceptional. Not like any engineer I've ever met! ) You don't sound like you're really prepared for this right now - and you're already anticipating a huge confrontation - and you're not sure how you'll deal with it. Therefore, just avoid it for the time being. Another thing you could do would be to challenge your dad when he's talking so negatively about homosexuals - even if you don't let him know that you are one. Just challenge him by telling him that you don't share his beliefs, and provide him with arguments against feeling that way.
yeah i think is best bet. If you are still at home and come out then there will likly be a really horrible atmosphere which wont do anyone any good. maybe you should consider looking at getting yourself your own place. theres no hurry and then when your ready then maybe tell your parents. at least that way you wont have to deal with any fallout. i really wouldnt dwell on things too much and certainly is never a good idea to make any rash decisions.
