I wrote about a week ago about a crush. She works in the coffee shop near my house. Well I thought about her all week (she only works on weekends), and today my friend asked me to go get coffee with her. I said yes, but then when we got there she wanted take away coffee, and of course I wanted to stay and see if I could manage to at least say one word to the waitress!! My friend made me feel bad and selfish, but she just didn't understand that it was such a big deal to me. I was feeling so sick in the cafe because I wanted to say something and couldn't. I kept looking at the waitress and she probably thinks I'm a freak or a stalker because I just stare at her. I came out of the cafe and I thought I might explode. I was so sick and felt like I would cry. How can people do this to you?! I can't believe this is what people when through when we were at school. Crushes are so hard to deal with! Guys what can I do? I am so shy I can hardly say 'latte' in front of this girl. I don't know how to deal with this.
Well if you are just so shy perhaps just smile at her. Smiles can be infectious. In additon keep a deep breath when you see her.
Here's a recipe to try out. Interact with her, but take your crush completely out of the equation - remove any interest in her at all from your mind. You're going to approach her like you don't want anything from her at all. No expectations, and no risks on your part. So the next time you go up to her and order somthing, say something above and beyond what you'd need to say to get a coffee. Just ask her any question that requires more than a yes or no response and something that doesn't facilitate a canned answer (like don't say "So what's the special today?"). If it's early in the morning ask her how she manages to get up so early for work. If she's wearing a piece of jewelry ask her if it means anything special. Or my favorite, if the staff behind the counter is having a loud discussion (which happens often in a coffee joint) say something relevant to the conversation to interject yourself into it - they are often bored at work and love the idea of an interesting conversation with customers. You don't have any objective, only to talk to her about something totally innocent. End it with a smile to show you enjoyed the banter and then leave. Then go again the next day when she's working and do it again, but this time about something else. Keep a conversation going over time and pretty soon she will start to recognize that there's something different about your interaction. If she's enjoying it and she's warming to you, the conversation might naturally progress to more "interesting" topics. And then the day will come when you're comfortable enough around her and she's more than just aware of you, and then you can ask her if she wants to go for a drink after work or something like that - the next step. The point is that it will feel natural because by that point the barriers will be down on both sides. Now of course there isn't a guarantee in the world that she'll be interested in you (otherwise I'd be quite happily taken by now... ), but this is a low-pressure way for you to find out. Go for it, and good luck!
Tis a good theory... I dunno how well my nerves will support the idea though. But yeah, i should go in for a chat, rather than a date.
ugh if only I had this advice a while ago... but thank you James. Oh and good luck with your Coffee Shop Crush
