Ok so as many of you know, I tried to come out to my mom 2 years ago, and lets say it didn't go very well. This is the convo I had with my mom tonight: Me: I really love singing *song*, Mom: Yea it's a good song, Me: Ha, of coarse I can't sing it as high as *singer*, Mom: Yea that's because he's gay, Me: *Pause* I need to work on that high note at the end, Mom: Are you gay? Me: No, Mom, Mom: But you thought you were for a while, remember, Me: Mom, I'm not gay. Can we please not talk about that, Mom: Ok. I was just worried because you hesitated after I said that, and I was like "Oh No!", Me: Well as I said, I'm not gay, Mom: Your sure? You know cause it's o... well it's not ok but I will still love you, Me: You don't need to worry, I'm not gay, Mom: Ok, *Subject Change* I don't know how to react to this... I just... I don't know...
WOW. That sounds like an enormous change from the previous conversation. Perhaps in the intervening 2 years she's done some reading and research and had some time to thiink. If your mom is reasonably intelligent and done her homework she has to know that people don't just randomly change from gay back to straight, so maybe she is signalling that she knows and it's ok. On the other hand... it's possible it's a trick to get you to admit and then they'll send you to straight camp or something. So I think I'd be inclined to tread very carefully, as you did. Don't worry about not being able to be authentic with them; they are the ones who set up the situation where that's the case, so they have no right to bitch if later you do come out. I think you made the right call, at least for now.
Hey sweetheart (*hug*) I completly agree with Chip. It's very possible that in two years, your mother gave some thoughts to the fact that you could be gay and has started to deal with this in a positive way. And that would be absolutly awesome. However, I think that for the time being, you should stay very cautious. As Chip said, that is possibly a trick, even if I doubt that. But even if your mother might be ok at some point with you being gay, that might be not the case of your father at all. I think you have done the right thing, and you should keep it like this, until you can come out to them in a safe way (wich means with a serious backup plan in case things go wrong). Take care (*hug*)
I just feel like when I finally do come out, my mom is going to feel like I didn't trust her... why does everything have to be so hard?!?
well when it does come to actually telling her and if she does bring up trust issues, all you have to say was that it wasnt about trust. just say you werent wanting her to feel awkward/ bad.
She may, in fact, feel that way, but the truth is.... you don't! And that is 100% a result of her actions. One of the things that adults have to do is take responsibility for their actions. If they do something that violates another person's trust, they they have to own that and take responsibility for it, and earn the trust back over time. In this case, it sounds like she hasn't earned back your trust, and with good reason, I'd say. So I wouldn't worry too much about it. She'll get over it, and I'm sure she will understand why, after the first time, you didn't feel safe disclosing the second time.
...Wow Chip. I actually can relate to you in many ways. From the first time I officially realized I wasn't straight, me and my mom had several "close coming outs". First, she read my journal, apparently because I wasn't discussing my life with her and she was worried, even though that was a horrible excuse. She confronted me on it, I blew up at her for violating my privacy (I mean, thoughts are pretty personal..) and denied everything. Secondly, about a year and a half later, she kept pestering me about dating "nice young men" that she knew of. I kept saying "You should just accept me for me. I wish you would. And stop bothering me." She brought "it" up again and said incredibly rude things. It hurt, I denied it and just let things settle. Then finally, last Easter, a friend was over having dinner with me and mom and she brought up my "special friend". I froze. It just came out... >.o My mom stalked out of the room, and my friend felt really sorry. *Cue Epic facepalm moment* This time, I didn't deny it. However, I made sure I had come out to a lot of my close friends by this point, so I did have a bit of a support network to rely on incase the worst scenario played out: being disowned, treated poorly etc. If you are living with your parents (and aren't a legal adult), and cannot support yourself financially, emotionally, socially etc... I would suggest to wait a bit longer. I know it's hard. I truly do. I spent years in that stuffy closet. :dry:
Yeah, I think the lying to her is going to cause problems when you really DO decide to be honest with her. She may not believe you.
