1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Coming in and out

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by f33d, Apr 3, 2010.

  1. f33d

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2009
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    York
    Gender:
    Male
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hi,
    Um... well... so here's the thing. Important details: I'm male / 18 / out to my sisters / English is my second language as you will see... so there's M (a girl), who has been my friend for something like 2 years. We enjoy hanging out with each other and we are really good friends...
    Last year our mutual friend asked me if I would like to pick her up... obviously I didn't come out to him, I said something like "I don't think I'm ready for that kind of relationship" etc.
    I came out to M last week, she was really accepting, we were very sincere about everything... I felt great after doing it. I told her I "heard" that she wanted to go out with me... and she said "oh it's not valid anymore"... So I was happy I haven't broken her heart or anything...
    But I told her I'm not sure about myself... I'm not sure I'm gay I may be bisexual...
    And she told me I have to try (you know what that meant...) When she was seeing me off, she kissed me. I was angry at myself that I told her I'm not sure... So the next day I clarified that I'm gay and I don't want to hurt her. She was very sad... the truth is she cried and her friends got to know that I left her... she told them that we split up but it looked to them like I just left her... And they started to think I'm very boorish and even her one friend phoned me and called me names... It has all happened yesterday ;/
    Today I met with M and she apologized to me for their behaviour... And it's all right between us. But the sad thing is that our friends think I've done something very bad to her... But that's because they don't know I'm gay. But maybe if I said it, they would be more "hateful".
    Do you think I should come out? I think coming out to them would be helpful but I feel somewhat guilty of being gay... I feel like I should apologize for being gay to everyone and to the Earth and like I don't deserve anyone's friendship or own home.
    I would like to ask how it is like to be out to everyone?
    Did you change your behaviour towards your friends or strangers?
    Yeah, this was intended to be posted anonymously, but I changed my mind :slight_smile:
    Thanks for help EC :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
    Um I hope you will find it readable... xD
     
  2. BlasttheCloset

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2007
    Messages:
    41
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Boulder, Colorado, USA
    As much as you would like to rely on M as a friend to help you sort through any confusion you have about your sexuality, it sounds like her own feelings would get in the way of that, so you should leave her out of that until you are sure about it yourself.

    For other friends who are treating you badly because of your split with M, you could just tell them that it was for personal reasons and you don't want to make it messy and public, so they should quit bugging you about it.

    The most important thing to remember here is that you need to figure out who you are, and that can be a difficult process, but it doesn't need to be made more difficult by romantic complications with a friend.

    Good luck sorting out your own sexuality and your friendship with M!
     
    #2 BlasttheCloset, Apr 3, 2010
    Last edited: Apr 3, 2010
  3. uptownboy

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2010
    Messages:
    50
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Jakarta somewhere in Indonesia
    for me..
    after i came out to some of my friends, it's been very reliefing and i get like some kind of freedom that i can talk to them about anything and i can have a heart to heart chat or so on, also i can get advices
    and you dont need to apologize for being gay
    because it's not like we choose to be gay but we're like somehow be a gay and everybody deserve anyone's friendship or whatsoever :slight_smile: