Ok...I need a little help here. Sometimes a complete outside, objective opinion are the best ones...so here is my current situation: Since November I have been "seeing" someone out of state. We were doing the long distance thing without saying we were doing the long distance thing...even saying we did not want each other to see other people. I never do the long distance relationships BUT, I am going to be relocating to the city where this person lives shortly (not because of him but b/c of my job) so that's why I continued it. I know this guy had deep feelings for me, because he said it all the time...It would make my day when I would get those texts that said "I think about you all the time" (soo sweet) Since the beginning of November we talked everyday, texted several times each day, saw each other at least every other week and had a great relationship. I have never been more comfortable with someone in my life. He would talk constantly about future plans when I moved to his city. I keep my heart locked tight, "never loose your heart, use your head" I always told myself. Well, I did tell him that I had the same feelings for him. Now, for the past month there has been hardly anything. When I call, it's always a text back that says I'm slammed..call u tomorrow...but when tomorrow comes there is nothing. When I do get a text reply back the responses are distant, vague...not the playful tone of past. The past couple of times I was going to see him, something has "come up". Granted, he has been recently promoted in his job so I could be over reacting. But there is a difference is being really friggin busy and completely shutting someone out. So, I'm frustrated. I'm gonna be up in his town this week and I think I'm going to take a gamble and just end it. I don't want to, b/c I really saw something happening with this relationship...but I hate being played. Either way, I def. think I deserve to find out what the heck is going on. Any thoughts? What's the best approach to this?
Hi I fully understand your frustration, bamaboy. Personally (and I should stress, this is personal to me - you may prefer to adopt a different approach) I would avoid the contact until you move closer to him. Let him think you aren't bothering that much, then one of two things will happen. Either he will realise everything he said, and having no contact with you will make him realise that he does in fact like you. Or alternatively, he will realise that he didn't mean the things he said to you. When you get there, take a few days to settle in and try to put him at the back of your mind whilst you do this. I do realise how hard this may be if you like the guy, sometimes it just won't go away, but keep at it. Once you've settled in a little, invite him for coffee - nothing too big, just friendly. If he says he can't make it, or something comes up like it did previously, politely offer him a mature ultimatum. You shouldn't have to wait around in limbo so you can be at this persons convenience, you should be selfish, in the nicest possible way. You deserve to be happy as well, and that's what a lot of people seem to forget. I hope I've given you a few things to consider. Like I said, they may not be right for you.
The signs ain't encouraging, to be honest. We all get slammed at times, but even within those periods, we can make time to make contact with those we really care about. And, as you've noticed, he ain't doing this. Do you "deserve to know what's going on"? In ideal world, yes. But we don't live in that world. I think you should break it off with him, but just keep the blame all on you. "I think we should just call an end to it. I don't know if I can stay in a long distance relationship where I don't get much feedback - it just isn't something that works for me." There - over. I have a feeling he'll be "very understanding". In short, you'll be saving him the trouble of breaking up with him. Don't bother asking what happened. What happened was he grew distant from you, which made the relationship come to an end - that's all. Lex
Yeah, as painful as it is I guess I know what I have to do **sniff sniff*. It's weird because when I said this change happened overnight, it literally happened overnight. You always got that last glimmer of hope, and I suppose that's the hardest thing to let go of but I believe that light is fading fast. Ugh...this just sucks.
Hi there! Yeah, letting go and starting to move is always hard, especially if you have invested energy into something that you thought has a chance of working out. I would agree with Lex that it looks like that you two grew apart. It just wasn't meant to be. But here is the thing though. If you flip it and ask yourself "have I lost anything?", you will probably come see that you haven't. Every experience (the good and the bad) allows us to learn things about ourselves, which in turn allow us to move forward and take what we have learned into the next experience. You have a new opportunity/job to look forward to and you are going to be a new city. Being a new city or new environment will also allow you to make some new friends, and get to know new people. All of these things will allow you to start turning the page. (*hug*)
