I'm graduating from college early May. Then moving from my hometown June 1st. I spend a lot of time with my family. Like, a lot more than other college students that also attend college at home. Anyway, pretty much, my parents know I'm gay, one of my younger sisters, and my aunt know. Telling my other younger sister isn't a huge deal but she has a big mouth so I'll wait, no rush. My two younger cousins, also, not a big deal (I believe one of them is also gay). The thing is, what about my grandparents. They are divorced. I have no idea what my grandfather thinks about gay people. No clue. But I am his favorite grandchild like for real, let's be honest. But still, I really wouldn't know how to talk to him about that. He's my grandpa so he's pretty old fashioned and frequently talks about church and whatnot. Plus, over the last couple months, he was in a bad accident and is bedridden. I just have no clue how he'd handle it. My grandmother, on the other hand, is homophobic. She has frequently said bad things about gays and lesbians, especially lesbians. But I feel like she kind of suspects that I am because she said that if I was she would be cool and I told her I wasn't and she's like, "yeah, that would be gross".. and I'm like "aren't you glad I didn't say I was..." I just feel like, if I didn't tell her before I left, she would be hurt. But I know it's going to start a plethora of family drama. Should I tell my grandparents? I just feel like.. I should tell them face to face.. but I'm moving.. and idk when the next time I'll be back...
Only you know the answer to your question because it's a judgment call with no right or wrong answer. Some of the "veterans" on here will tell you that you're never ever "done" coming out; it's a lifelong process. Sometimes it's just because you haven't met the person yet or you haven't had the opportunity to tell them, but other times it's a conscious decision to wait, or to not tell them at all. There is no rule in the "gay and lesbian manual" that says you're obligated to come out to everyone in your life. Each is a call that you make on a case-by-case basis. Personally I've never viewed coming out as a race to a particular finish line. I've done it on gut feel; there were certain important people in my life that I knew I had to come out to because I was perpetuating a lie and it was eating away at me on the inside. But there are other people who it really doesn't matter to me whether or not they know. Most of "the world" is inconsequential to us, and there's a graduated scale of people who matter all the way up to our parents or best friends or whoever's at the top of your list. And there are other people that I have chosen to wait with, for specific reasons. If you're pretty much "out to the world" but there's someone that you feel you should wait with, then by all means wait. No rational person here is going to put pressure on you to come out to everyone. So you have to ask yourself where your grandparents fit in this context. Why do you feel it's important that they know? What will happen if they find out from someone else? How would you feel if (God forbid) they died while you were away before you had a chance to tell them? On the other hand how will you feel if they take it badly or it causes a rift in the family; will it have been worth it for you? On the good side, it sounds like they both might be prepared for this news already, even just a little, and they are dropping some positive clues as to how they will react. And don't overestimate family drama - for one thing every family on earth has drama, and some thrive on it. But families are also resilient, and if your parents are ok with this and your grandparents are giving positive signals, then maybe you're overthinking this. I'd say to go with your instinct on this one. If you feel you have to do it before you leave, then you probably should do it. If it's not that important of a deal or you have good reason to believe that it might cause more trouble than it's worth, then don't do it, at least not yet.
When I was coming out - I felt that there was an order in which people should be told. And it sounds like you're going about it the same way. I didn't want to tell my kids, so I didn't tell my extended family. But once I told my kids, then I figured I should tell my extended family in case my kids blurted something out that made them all go "Huh?" So my dad told his two brothers, and I told my grandmother. She's 92. (Theres a thread about it in the coming out forum.) She hardly blinked an eye and simply said that it was fine with her, that it didn't change a thing, and that she was glad that I was able to be honest about it. So you might be surprised.
