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Coming on too strong??

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by musicXowl, Apr 6, 2010.

  1. musicXowl

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    I'm not one to show my emotions or talk bout myself or problems very much. I'm always the one to listen to other people and try to help them. People tell me i need to open up more and say what i need to say. So...last night I did. For pretty much the first time ever i told someone how i really felt about them and was completely open. I told the girl i like (who also likes me) how i really felt about her. I told her i really cared about her and just want her to be happy, whether its with me or someone else, and that i really want things to work out bewtween us because she's made me happier than i've been in awile and that i want to make her just as happy. But, once i told her all this ( which was over texting) she told me i was scaring her and that i need to sleep it off. So i aplogized this morning and explained that i meant everything i said and that i didn't mean to scare her. She said that it scares her when people come on too strong. I didn't think i was coming on too strong? So is that what i get for openeing up to someone and telling them how i feel? What the hell? Shouldn't that be a good thing? So now i'm confused and feel like i've ruined my chances with being with her. Is what i did wrong?
     
  2. Mirko

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    Hi there! I don't think you did anything wrong by being open with her and telling her how you feel about her. In fact, you should be proud of yourself for having done that and having been able to open up.

    Depending on her own experiences, her reaction might very well be a reflection of that. She did give you an important insight about herself, and I think you have handled it in the right way by going back to her and clarifying things. If she is shy or had a couple of bad experiences herself they can make themselves known in different ways, including in taking on a more defensive response or reaction.

    Not everyone will react the same. Some will take on quite a defensive reaction and are unable to say what they feel right away, while others will be as honest and open with you about their feelings for you.

    I don't think you have necessarily ruined your chances with her. Give it a few days for her to 'process' it all and allow her to think about it. You have done what you needed to do. Being open about your feelings is a good thing.
     
  3. Jim1454

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    First off - why is everything communicated via a text message today?!? Even important things like how you feel?!? Saying something in person allows the other person to pick up on the non-verbal and the verbal communication. Texting is just texting - not even the tone of your voice is communicated.

    Secondly - if this was in fact the first time you really openned up to her, then you probably did come on too strong. If you've never given any kind of indication in words before, then perhaps you should have started with something like "I think you're really cool." Not "I really care about you and just want you to be happy, whether its with me or someone else, and I really want things to work out bewtween us because you've made me happier than I've been in a while and I want to make you just as happy."

    You practically said "I love you." in the first expression of emotions that you've made to her. And that does tend to scare people off.

    But live and learn. You've at least gotten all that off your chest, and hopefully she'll be able to let it sink in. Good luck!
     
  4. Lexington

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    I'll second Jim's advice. Texting is great for "You up for dinner?" or "I've saved a table near the back". It's lousy for heart-to-heart discussions. Far too much is lost in the sterile world of texting. If you had been telling her face-to-face, you may have gotten some cues earlier (facial expressions, body language) that would've warned you to perhaps not push things too far.

    Was it wrong? I guess that would depend. You say you like her, and she likes you. Are you dating? Has the relationship grown? If she's just somebody you hang out with sometimes, yeah, that's a heavy weight to drop on her. If you've been dating awhile, it wouldn't be quite such a bombshell.

    Lex