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I'm kind of confused about my friend situation. I think I have too many.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Mind Freak, Apr 8, 2010.

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  1. Mind Freak

    Mind Freak
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    Here's the thing. I have a lot of people I consider friends and some that I consider acquaitences. Maybe that kind of happened as a defense mechanism over the years. So that if I happen to be outed I'll have more people to fall back on. Like if half of my friends decided they want nothing to do with me then I'll still have the other half that would still be largeish.

    I kind of feel that I need to cut back on some people. Kind of like I'm stretched too thin. Like there are a lot of people that feel like they're just fillers. I just want to feel like everyone geniuinely likes me and that they won't quit on me when I decide to come out. I know that a lot of my friends and "fillers" will probably think less of me when I do decide to come out. Just based on the comments that they've made about gay people.

    It's kind of hard on me because I know that I care a lot about these people that might not care as much about me if they knew me.

    I don't know. I just don't feel connected with people anymore. Yeah we talk we laugh we have fun together but I don't feel emotional something. Lol. Like... I really don't know how to explain this. I don't feel like I allow myself to be emotionally connected to people because I'm scared I'm going to get hurt. So I end up with an attitude that friends are disposable. Like it would be ok to just drop them and move on. There's a lot of quantity as far as people in my life and not a lot of quality. I guess I just need someone I feel like I can trust with my emotions and fears and hopes without worrying about it blowing up in my face or getting reprimanded for it.

    Don't get me wrong I do have great friends and I have amazing times with them and will miss them dearly when they go off to college. But I don't think that they really get me. They understand and like the me that I allow them to see but I want to be comfortable with people knowing about all of me.

    This forum helps a lot, you all give me tons of helpful info but I guess I just need someone in person I can talk to about things and relate with. So yeah. Any advice? I don't think there is any I could be given. Lol.
     
    #1 Mind Freak, Apr 8, 2010
  2. chow

    chow
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    Those who cut you off after you come out were never your true friends anyway, but you can never be sure of a friend's reaction. I have a friend who used to say pretty bad things about gay people, and was shocked for quite a few days after I came out to him, but he said that it'll never change the way he sees me because we're friends, and that's what friendships are about.

    I think that you should start by trying to open up to 1 or 2 friends that you really trust. I'm sure that they'll listen you out if they're true friends. Having a lot of acquaintances may make you feel as if you're very popular, but I think you need to find a few (doesn't need to be a lot) friends who you can connect to on a deep level.
     
    #2 chow, Apr 8, 2010
  3. biisme

    biisme
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    Like chow said, you don't need to come out to everyone at once. You said some of your friends make some comments that draw your attention. What about the ones that don't? Do you know is any of your freends are actually friends with anyone else who is LGBT? Or, do you know if any of your friends are pretty open-minded. Also, if you're not sure about their views, you can try and strike up a conversation with them that leads around to LGBT people. Something I find handy is talk about something that's happening in the news at the moment, like DADT, or the prom where the girl wasn't allowed to bring her date.

    Even if you find only one person in the beginning who will support you, they can help make the coming-out process to other people a lot easier. But, I guess the bottom line is that if you don't trust anyone then you won't know for certain if they will or will not support you, unless you say so in person. I'm not saying this to force you to come out. But, perhaps send "feelers" among your friends and see who, if any, are more LGBT friendly than the others.
     
    #3 biisme, Apr 8, 2010
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