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I've finally found the reason why I won't out myself...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by AlexPatrickMorrissey, Apr 10, 2010.

  1. Did you ever notice that whenever someone is known as being LGBT, people will somehow milk that and use it as an excuse to be mad at someone or think that they have no credibility. It's the most stupid shit ever. Thinking of that, it's probably what is holding me in the closet. I don't want to lose what little credibility I have. In my area, you have to be just so fucking perfect. All-American, high GPA, short hair, obedient... and hetero. I'm already the laughing stock of my community, so why should I try to sabotage myself? Am I being too fucking pessimistic or am I being reasonable? My mom will certainly use this as an excuse to say she failed and to treat me even worse. People amaze me sometimes...
     
  2. RaeofLite

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    First, you deserve some (*hug*)s.

    At your age, everyone acts like that. Many people move past looking at things like that as they get older, and they realize they should judge a person on how they treat others and how good they are at something, rather than who they love. It takes time though, and everyone's maturity levels differ. Unfortunately some never seem to grow past the early highschool years.

    You may be being too pessimistic. You have to treat yourself like gold if you want others to treat you with respect. Believe it or not, but it's true. If you treat yourself like dirt, others will walk all over you. If you say, "Hey, I'm worth something. I don't like it when you're disrespectful towards me," then they will likely back off and see that you have the gumption and self respect. Even if you don't, fake your self confidence for now and others will learn to respect you. That's not to say you should be arrogant, but you should stand upf or yourself, and know that you're worth it. (*hug*)

    Msg me if you want some rays of sunshine sent your way. :slight_smile:
     
  3. Mirko

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    Hi there! It is really your decision as to whether you want to come out but I think that perhaps there is also some fear associated with the thoughts of coming out that makes you feel that people will look at you differently or that you will lose credibility. Hope you don't mind me asking but why do you feel that you are already the laughing stock in your community?

    Maybe if you look at some of the answers to that question you can start figuring out as to why you feel this way about coming out. All the reasons you have highlighted, are reasons that make you feel that coming out is not such a good idea. Societal factors or the environment in which you are finding yourself in, have definitively a role in this but if you try to understand your underlying fears you might be able to figure out better as to why you feel this way about coming out.

    I think highlighting the reasons that reinforce your feelings of needing to stay in the closet (and perhaps also looking for certain reasons) could very well be an indication that the closet provides you with a blanket of security that you would like to hang on to for the time being, which is quite normal and in many ways reasonable. That said, I think it would be good if you look a bit deeper as to why you have these thoughts and highlight these reasons rather than reasons that could perhaps leave you a bit more optimistic about the future when it comes to coming out.

    If you are afraid as to how your parents could react or that they will have a hard time with it, I think would definitely be a good idea to wait before making the decision to come out to your mum or parents.

    Hope this helps a bit!
     
  4. Lexington

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    >>>Did you ever notice that whenever someone is known as being LGBT, people will somehow milk that and use it as an excuse to be mad at someone or think that they have no credibility. It's the most stupid shit ever. Thinking of that, it's probably what is holding me in the closet. I don't want to lose what little credibility I have. In my area, you have to be just so fucking perfect. All-American, high GPA, short hair, obedient... and hetero. I'm already the laughing stock of my community, so why should I try to sabotage myself?

    I think I know what you're getting at - I was there too - but there's a lot to be said here.

    First off, yeah, at your age - middle school/junior high/high school - there tends to be a bit of a coolness quotient. The good-looking, athletic, popular kids at the top...and then there's the "losers" at the bottom. And many students spend a lot of time working on trying to increase their CQ. They work on saying the right things, hanging out with the right people...and avoiding the wrong people. Proper responses are "rewarded", improper ones are "punished".

    But here's the first weird bit. You never seem to get much higher on the CQ chart. You might get a couple crumbs tossed your way, but it's not like you suddenly become one of the "inner circle" of cool kids if you weren't before. You pretty much end up where you started. Maybe you didn't fall any further, but that's not not much reward. Especially when you consider the biggest surprise of all...

    ...you don't have to play.

    Seriously. There are people in school who simply decide "Fuck that noise" and just decide to be themselves. Sure, sometimes they fly their freak flag a bit too hard, but it's no more phony than wearing the hippest clothes or getting the au courant hairstyle. There are three main benefits of going this route:

    1. You avoid the entire pressure of wondering if you're "doing it right".
    2. You get to be yourself, which is a fairly easy role.
    3. Some people will actually consider this cool. Cooler than the cool kids. :slight_smile:

    It does take some fortitude to go this route. But if you're already "on the outs", why hang on to your minimal CQ score? Quit playing. Go be you. Go befriend whoever the hell you want. Some might not be interested because of fear of losing their CQ score. That's their call. Go befriend someone else. You may be surprised how things change.

    Lex
     
  5. Sylver

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    Conformance is highly overrated... To quote Green Day, "I wanna be a minority!!" :grin:

    I felt the way you do for a long time, because I really never did fit in. Kids were calling me gay and beating my up years before I even knew what the word gay meant...

    But I'm pretty much past that now. I've come to learn that it's our differences that make us interesting, not what we have in common. It would be a pretty dull world if everyone was the same. And sexuality is a part of this - a fun part of this! I like how cool it is to be gay - it means I have a part of me that's different from others and so I can use it to differentiate myself from others! A few people love the fact that I'm gay because it's a new experience for them! All I can say to them is "You're Welcome" I guess!

    The other thing to remember is that people see us differently than we see ourselves. I can share with you from close personal experience that when we're buried in the closet, being gay seems like a huge bulbous zit that takes up half our face that no one on earth could miss, and it will be all they see or think of when they talk to us. In reality - not so. In fact most of the people I've told have long since got over the initial interest in my being gay - now it's just a side note to the person they like (me!). I know how it looks from there, but trust me, you're probably making much more of it than there really is.