I keep my heart close, locked up because I never want another scar I have to talk about...but when I do fall I fall hard. I mean REAL hard. And, I'm the the closet which makes it more complicated. For the past 3-4 weeks I have been dealing with the pain and confusion of a relationship that I truly thought could work. I admit I fell, he fell for me. Then something changed. Don't know what...and prob won't because some people don't have the guts to be honest. This, in turn, made me turn to booze and back to hard drugs (which I left years ago...the drugs, not the booze...I still like a drink now and then) to help me deal with the pain. But after reading a few things here I discovered something and asked myself a question: why? Why keep cooped up over one person? Because they sure as hell aint staying cooped up over me. Why look into the abyss of depression over someone that isn't doing the same...or wouldn't for that matter? Why go back to old habits and destroy my body over one person? While I realize my path is not complete in this journey, I have been able to discover much along the way from many of you. Heartache is horrible...and while it may seem bleak now I keep telling myself it will get better...which I know it will...(just really doesn't help now, lol) But thanks.
Thanks for that. Sometimes I gotta admit I ask myself what Johnny Cash does in his version of "Hurt"..."what have I become? Everyone I know goes away in the end" But in the end, I know I will be ok.
While heart break and tough times are never fun, that do make you a tougher person. I can relate to the falling hard for someone, I'm like Vulcan I don't seem to have emotions, but the truth is I (we) feeling more intently then most people.
Good job for realizing this! Don't hurt yourself because of someone else. It's not worth it. Your health should come first.
I'm glad you've come to some of these realizations. Having your heart broken as a gay man isn't any different has having it broken as a straight man. The difference is that we often don't have anyone to talk to about the pain - it could be that we aren't out to anyone and can't talk about what we've been through. That's what makes it more difficult. And that's what is so great about EC. You can come here and share your concerns or worries or disappointments with people who know where you're coming from and who can relate. A whole lot of us really do care too. The way I see it, the better adjusted and the more healthy each individual member of the LGBT community is, the better off we all are. Turning to drugs (or alcohol) to deal with a problem or disappointment isn't the answer. Coming to terms with the experience and figuring out what you can learn from it is a better response. Send me a private message if you want to talk more.
Haha my friend...not much played in Birmingham. We really don't care about the state of the country...the only thing we are focused on in my Crimson Tide! And how many times we can turn those sob's from Aubrun for cheating (which everyone in the state of Alabama knows they do) But (hockey) my future destination, perhaps!
sometimes, that can be the hardest thing to accept when things seem bleak. but it shows true strength when someone can do that, so good for you.
