Okay, so I've felt both romantic and sexual attraction towards men, but I've also felt romantically, but not really sexually, attracted to women. If it's significant, I imagine myself as a bottom. And it's worth mentioning that I very rarely feel any kind of attraction, romantic or sexual, towards anyone of either gender, although I want to. I never masturbate or look at porn, and never really have to urge to. I think about love and sex almost constantly, but it's only a few moments before the thought of it begins to bore me. There are not so infrequent times when I feel repulsed by men and cocks, but I really don't feel any sexual attraction at all towards women. So I'm totally confused. Can anyone figure out for me what's up with me?
Hi, I would guess that since you're still in the process of figuring yourself out, there's not only a lot of confusion, but at least a certain amount of resistance, unconsciously if not consciously, to accepting the idea that you are not straight. From what you're describing, it's likely that you're not straight, and if I were to guess, based on what you've said, you're closer to gay than bi. The process of coming out is gradual, and generally occurs in stages; these stages actually apply to any sort of loss, which in this case is the "loss" of the identity as a straight person. The stages are denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance, and what you're describing, the "romantic-but-not-sexual" attraction to women, is a common "bargaining" strategy that happens unconsciously as we are getting closer to accepting ourselves. In other words, the acceptanc process might look like "Well, maybe I like men, but I also like women too"... "well, I like women romantically but not sexually, so maybe i'm still sorta straight..."well, i guess i really like men better, so I'm probably gay." Not saying this is the way it is for everyone, or that this fits for you, but it would not be an uncommon process to go through. I am also guessing that the lack of interest in porn or masturbation might be an unconscious defense; if you don't allow yourself to explore sexual arousal, the argument goes, you don't have to really think about where your true sexual attraction lies. There could be other reasons why you have little sex drive but that would be my first guess. I would suggest maybe exploring your sex drive a little bit, trying to masturbate -- even if you aren't really excited by the idea -- and while doing so, trying out different fantasies and just exploring how each makes you feel. That's often a good indicator of where your orientation lies. Feel free to post followups with more questions or comments, and also feel free to PM me if you wish.
When I was your age *fights almost uncontrollable age to say "young grasshopper"* I was in something of a similar place. It isn't uncommon to feel sexual urges without much focus or duration. I certainly did. I masturbated, but my thoughts weren't exactly sexual in nature, and I had no interest in looking at porn of any sort. When I was 19 or so I stumbled on about the softest-core stuff imaginable (kissing, no genitals or even noticeable bulges), and began to develop an interest. Not saying that's your path, just pointing out that what got me, aware, if you will, of myself as a sexual being (though I sorta knew before), was not highly sexed-up images. I would've found actual porn repulsive.
Even though I fully embrace being a gay man now. I know what it was like at one point...at one point when I masturbated, after words I'd feel guilty about what I was thinking about when jerking....So don't worry okay? You will figure yourself out over time, just let it happen.
