In a relationship with someone older from a chat...

well i take it your 14>?

and hes 25, thats 9 years if my math holds up.

well 14 is young to be dating a 25 year old but im almost a hypocrite so ... i would say keep it relational and not sexual till your legal ads it will show you if hes commited and i personally wouldetn watn to risk the person i loves life by getting him arrested.

i think a good way people look at it is when your 20 he will be 29... and that looks fine... so i think its only the stigma of youth and legality people will have an issue with but as long as you take it slow and are careful and get to know him properly.

then its fine... but safety first

 

3 weeks? sounds too early for love my friend. Maybe infatuation? However realize that most people lie about their age...I'm 28 but thank God I look 20...so of course I lie and say I'm 22.
Be careful is right...sounds like this playar may have played this card a few times.
Just speaking from experience...cause I used to do the same thing.

 

well the 25 year old guy can get in alot of trouble with the law for having sex with someone that is 14. Anyway if I were you I would ditch him. Yes you may have feelings for him but he is taking advantage of you and he lied to you before on regards to age. If you have not met him yet then don't. If you have already then dont do it again. Just break all connections with him. If he was 17 that be another story but 25, that is illegal and too old for you. Perhaps if you were older such as 18 and he was 30 then that be acceptable and there would be no problems. This guy may have targeted other guys your age to take advantage of them and he could be a child molester.

Why not try getting to know and perhaps looking for relationship with guys closer to your age?

 

If a guy is 25 and pursuing a relationship with a 14-year-old, I'm sorry to say it, but he's not someone you want anything to do with. I know that this isn't what you want to hear, but this is not a healthy relationship and he is not a person you should be in a relationship with.

The fact that he lied about his age is definitely a warning sign, but the fact that he knows your age, he knows you're infatuated with him and he's saying he feels the same way about you is an even bigger one - he's sweet-talking you and relating to you on a level you're not used to, trying to build your trust in him, and there's a frightening number of ways he could abuse that trust. Yes, when you're an adult 11 years doesn't make so much difference, but right now, you're at really different stages of your life and your development. You're still a kid, and he's an adult, and he is taking advantage of that. I strongly advise you to not keep this up - I know it's hard when you feel this way about someone, but if he's going after a relationship with you despite knowing your age, he's not a friend. He's a predator.

 

I agree with the two above~

The jump from 25 to 14 seems smaller in the eyes of the 14 year old to the 25 year old. You may think of yourself as an adult, but to him you're still a child. And it's not a nice thing to accept, but he likes your age and not you. There's no productive or safe middle ground for this like waiting or anything — it's best that you call it off when you can. Or just cut him off altogether. And definitely don't give him any more personal details about yourself.

 

Sounds like a smooth talking creep to me. Can you really trust that he is 25 or is he really 37? Why lie in the first place?

 

well I'm 25 and I can tell you that a 14 year old is just a kid to me. And I don't know anyone my age who wouldn't agree.... I wouldn't believe what he's saying.
And how do you know he's not actually 55? If he's lied about this how do you know he isn't lying about everything else? And why he would choose to misrepresent his age anyway, if not to trick you into talking with him?

 

the fact that he lied about his age in the first place should send up a red flag.

 

So... he's 25, lied about his age, is 9 years older than you, you've only met him online and have known him for three weeks...

... all in all, this situation is not stacking up well.

 

OK, let me get this out of the way first.

He's 25.
The OP is (apparently) fourteen.
That's an ELEVEN year difference, not a nine year difference.

I know Adam said "if my math holds up", and I don't mind that - it's just that everyone else is repeating that error.

OK, back to the real issue. Let me join the chorus of old farts saying it's a problem. The reason we put a barrier between adults and pre-adults getting into a relationship isn't because we enjoy denying pre-adults of any fun. It's that adults and pre-adults can't enter a relationship on equal footing. It's the same reason a young person can't buy a car or sign a legal contract. It's assumed someone young won't have enough wisdom and experience to be aware of what s/he's getting into. Car dealers could prey on that inexperience, and pulls some profitable scams.

Chances are good that that's precisely what's going on here. He might very well be preying on your inexperience in order to get something for himself, regardless of how it might affect you. The fact that you say that your relationship with this guy isn't "all about sex" suggests that it's at least partially about sex. (Otherwise, you probably would've said "it isn't sexual at all".) Is he only interested in you sexually, and is playing along with the rest of it just to get to the sex? Hard to tell. So perhaps you should find out.

Stop the sex. Stop doing anything sexual with him - be that sex talk, IMing, whatever. Say you're a bit unnerved by the age difference, and you want to "just be friends". And any time he starts nudging you into doing anything sexual, remind him of that. "Sorry - I'd rather we just be friends now." If he really does care about you in that way, he'll understand.

Lex

 

he told me that he was 17 so i was pretty cool with it cause three years big whoop right...

for a different perspective.
Now if you're 20, it's a different thing altogether; it's five years (supposedly), you're both legal, you get along great. Why not?

 

>>>Now if you're 20, it's a different thing altogether; it's five years (supposedly), you're both legal, you get along great. Why not?

Well, I'm assuming the OP is 14, not 20. If he's 20, I can't imagine he'd suddenly have an issue with the other guy being 25.

Lex

 

YES!!! I was thinking why was everyone keep saying 9 years lol..

But yeah 2 weeks and in love is a bit.. erm.. naive. Unless he has a picture of himself I'd say No. Who knows, he's probably lying again.

 

I'm young enough, while being old enough, to have had older guys approach me on the internet. I remember when I was 14 and went into AOL youth chat - it was like a swarm - older guys approaching you and being nice.

Its no good talking to these guys at all and I still regret that I ever talked to some of them on multiple occasions. Its a mind fuck.

Keep well clear.

 

To me, just the fact he lied at the beginning saying he was 17 says something. I personally would dump him because he lied right off the bat. Sorry, just my two cents.

 

In other words, just get out now.

 

No offense, but if a guy is 25(or possibly even older) and can't find someone in his age category to date or "be with" then there is a problem with him. A psychological problem. I'm not saying that all age differences are wrong. HOWEVER, in this case, the original poster is a minor, and under the age of 20 (the age I consider a true young adult). Age DOES matter in this case.

Please, Kso1995, get out while you can. Just cut contact and try to meet friends in your area that are in your age group. (*hug*)