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A Crush on a Girl; for 5 years!?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Joe00, Apr 13, 2010.

  1. Joe00

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    I cannot explain this in logical terms, I am gay, but I had this crush on this one girl for like five years. She was the most beautiful girl I ever known, in my opinion (she's not the most beautiful really like some I know today, but to me she is), but I haven't seen her in 2 years or so; she has a myspace but I haven't spoke to her on there either. And I think of her every now and then, like recently, I was just thinking about her... and I am pretty sure she doesn't think of me since it's been such a long time since I spoken to her. But I was just thinking about her writing her name on my notebook, like saying she's been there, and then putting it in a heart. I see her like Delilah in "Hey There Delilah", since she changed my life, since I know I wouldn't be who I am today without her.

    But to be honest, she was the only female, that ever really understood me, and the prettiest girl at it too. Then she changed, and gotten attached to a boyfriend, and became like everyone else. Then we lost contact, and switch schools. I heard now she does drugs, and became a slut or something, and dumped her old best friend.

    I really don't want to see her again though, and just leave her as the memory she was.... I don't think of her sexually though, but I have romantic thoughts of her though like I want to date her in the future. But weirdly she is the only girl I would consider to marry, if I was forced to marry any girl in the world. Or maybe just her (regardless of guys), since she's that special.

    And I think she liked me at the time, but I didn't flirt with her enough or ask her out.

    I am not sure if this is really bisexuality... since it's just a crush, or just all silly thoughts. It's probably all silly thoughts lol, but now it's just getting annoying.

    But weird thing is, in January, I was chatting with this girl from my school that resembles her a lot except she's even prettier *I was kind of thinking of dating her, get a picture of us, and then to chat with my crush... stupid idea though*, but I wasn't into her at all. It was like, wasting my time, and she had a great personality too. Like she had all these secrets, and she was bisexual, and she open up to me completely and wanted to date me. I felt like I was trying to copy the same feelings I had for my crush onto her, but it wasn't working. So I kind of just told her I wasn't interested in her, but she's consider the most beautiful at school, still... she's not her.
     
    #1 Joe00, Apr 13, 2010
    Last edited: Apr 13, 2010