Firstly i have to say that i'm a very independent person, i like to do things for myself; also i'm a very boyish girl (much to my mother's displeasure) and although i am a tiny little woman i don't mind lifting heavy things or doing manual labour. Okay, that being said here's my issue. At work there is a new guy, he's older than me and is still in the 'new and sucking up phase' of his job. Most days he offers to do things for me and my boss and i never take him up on the offer, i like to pull my own weight at work. Today i had to carry some boxes from my car, not heavy boxes at all and he offered to do it for me. I said "no thanks, i can get it" (in my head i was thinking 'leave me alone, i'm not incapable of carrying boxes damn it! :tantrum: ' and a few other words i won't type); instead of listening to me he followed me out to my car and generally hovered around me like an idiot. I've tried explaining nicely that i don't mind lifting heavy things, i used to do it a lot at my old job; i don't mind doing physical things, i deal with 1300lb horses on a daily basis so i'm plenty capable of of strenuous activity. How can i get this guy to just get on with his own job and stop hassling me, and get him to treat me like an equal instead of some fragile little girl? I talked to my mam about this but all she had to offer was "be nice and don't say anything nasty to him", like that helps at all. My job used to be so nice and relaxing but now i'm irritated a lot by this man who treats me like a child. *grumble grumble grumble* So am i being completely unreasonable for not taking his offer of help or am i justified in wanting to pull my own weight?
You are not being unreasonable for not taking his offer and you are justified in wanting to pull your own weight. It is, however, unreasonable that you're so angry with this guy for wanting to help you out. Like you said, you're a tiny woman, so he just wants to lighten the load for you. I understand that you don't want nor need his help, but as the "nice, new guy" he probably wants to get on your good side. Plus, I think it's just a guy thing as well. When I see a girl carrying what looks like some heavy stuff, I would offer her help as well. Although, I will say it was kind of weird that he followed you to your car. But, meh, I think he was only trying to be nice. I know you don't agree with me, but I just wanted to throw my two cents in.
I'm not really angry, just irritated i guess. Believe me i am trying very hard to be nice to him but i just can't seem to warm to him. He seems very fake to me, plus he won't shut up about all the women he's stringing along which just makes me dislike him even more. It's just odd for me being offered help, i'm so used to doing everything myself; also i used to work on a farm and no one ever offered to help with heavy stuff so again i got used to doing it myself. He tends to do that a lot, either follow me or my boss around, it's a little weird but probably just a new guy getting used to the place thing. Normally in the office i don't mind, but it was weird that he did it outside.
I'd just try saying something along the lines of "If I ever need your help, I will definitely let you know. Otherwise, I'll be alright on my own." I usually used a similar line on guys when I used to work at the mill in town (nasty work awesome pay), and it usually worked. I do feel your pain, though. Both with the mill and at least one other insanely annoying occasion. I was helping out at a community event, selling lunch actually, and I was asked to give a couple of the pizzas to the other volunteers. Well, this one guy who had been constantly chatting me up the whole day insisted on joining me. I had no major issue with it so I let him. However... he then made a comment that will forever grate my nerves. "It's a good thing I'm here, because you need someone to protect you, you know? Because you're a girl, bet you're glad I'm here. I'll be your guardian angel!" He then proceeded to open every door for me, boast about his burliness (he was half my height and two years younger than me xD), and tell me I should accept god into my life... I kept telling myself to take it in stride and to be nice, but oh it was hard. He was obviously really religious and a tad awkward... but... urgh.
Well, I'm not saying you're totally unreasonable, but... let's try to look at it from a few other angles: First of all: I think you're reading too much in him wanting to help you. Helping people often is just that: seeing someone who's doing something, noticing that you aren't doing anything yourself, and deciding to offer help because many hands make the work lighter. You're inferring that it means "Feeble woman! I will save you, because you obviously can't handle this!", but do you have any basis for assuming that's what he really thinks? Helping does not need to imply thinking the other needs help, but it can just be a nice gesture. Also: he's new. When I started my job, I do remember not being capable of determining what I was going to do on any given day. Everything was just too new. So all I could do was do the work people gave me. That didn't fill my time by far, so I strung along. And then there's the whole nervousness, and wanting to connect with people and wanting your colleagues to like you, and wanting to prove that they made the right choice in hiring you. Which you can't do by sitting around somewhere else and putting your hands in your pockets when others are working... So, you have two options here: Occasionally humour him. It's not all that disgraceful to have someone else carry something or have them help you out. and if it's something he'd need to do for the job anyway, you can consider it giving him some training. Also, if you have more experience, it might be best spent elsewhere, while he's doing the ordinary lifting Give him something else to do. Odds are he's just searching for anything to do or prove himself. After all, you hired him because you probably have enough work to handle. So you could say: I'm perfectly fine, but if you want to help, why don't you do [insert other work that needs doing]. Or just point him at your boss and have him ask there for some extra directions on what needs to be done. So, I can see where you come from, but you could also see it as a good thing that he isn't there just to look on as other people are doing their job. He probably just needs a bit more direction and experience!
