Last night, I was still feeling so good about accepting myself that I felt like I was on Cloud 9. This morning I have this weird fear just gnawing away at me. Fear of what, exactly, I don't know. But it's almost debilitating. How can I get rid of the fear and back to the happiness? Or is this part of the normal cycle of things?
Im not out to that many people. How can they accept me without knowing? I just want to feel how I felt yesterday, which was great for finally accepting myself.
Well, talking form kinda my own experience, maybe you haven't quite accepted yourself. I know where you're coming from; for the longest time thinking about who i really am and what that means would keep me up at night. I think finally, and maybe to fully, I've realized I'm Me, I like guys but also girls, and nothing can change who I am. Those who love you and know you will realize that you have always just been you, nothing more nothing less.
fear is part of the cycle, but the best way to get rid of fear is to find out what it is that makes you afraid. Is it that people will judge you, that they won't accept you, that people you thought you could trust will turn on you, is it having to re-define yourself? Fear is like a cockroach is works well in the dark, where people can't see it, but once you shine a light it you see how small it is.
There is fear associated with every change. That's natural. So up until yesterday, you couldn't accept yourself. You were in denial or feared that there was something wrong with you. But you got over that and were happy in that moment. Today, you're faced with the thought "Ok, I'm gay. Now what am I going to do?" And that often can involve coming out to other people, which we fear will change our relationship with them or any number of things. So don't do anything for the time being. Just let this sink in. Get comfortable with the fact that you're gay, and don't worry about telling people. Decide that you're not going to tell anyone for a week - or a month - or longer. Whatever works for you. Instead, hang out here. We're a pretty cool bunch. And we're all gay or bi or something other than completely straight - and we're cool as well. And if we're gay, and things are going well for us, then it will slowly sink in that things can go well for you too - even if you're gay. Good luck!
Thanks everyone! I've decided i'm just to let it go for now, and be me. Try and meet some people and if it happens, even dating someone. Then I'll deal with coming out. Today for the first time, I looked in the mirror and didnt feel guilty or bad. It felt good. looking at who I truly am.
And that I will. Until it feels completely natural to wake up and say I'm gay or bi. Still unsure on that. Thinking i'm mainly gay. Right now when I say i'm gay, it still has a novelty to it. I want that to go away so I can get to reality
