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Update on my situation.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by D_Alejandro, Apr 15, 2010.

  1. D_Alejandro

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    Hi all,

    I don't really go on here that much...though I should. I've said numerous times that I would.

    I really do hope that you guys read this.

    In any case, if you recall, I had a situation in which I could not come out at home b.c I was afraid of getting kicked out or beaten or disowned by my entire family. This caused me to be extremely depressed and withdrawn. I was not doing well in school and felt down most of the time.



    An associate of mine gave me a number that I could call and ask for help (local in my state). I called, spoke with a clinician, and explained my situation. She said she was concerned for me. I told her about my suicidal thoughts. She said I should go to the nearest ER and explain to them what was happening.

    I met up with a family friend and she came with me to the ER. I will make the story short and leave out a few details:

    I told the ER what was happening at home and how I felt depressed and suicidal. After giving them my information and registering, I was placed on the ER suicide watch unit for 12 (yes, 12) hours. I laid in a bed and had many nurses and doctors come in and out to ask me what was happening. I have never told my life story as much as I did that day. Since they needed my insurance information, my family friend had no choice but to call home and explain to them what was happening...When she came back to see me she told me that they were hysteric and upset...but nevertheless gave her the information b.c otherwise they would send me away to a state run facility...the worst of places. After a while, a doctor came and told me I would be admitted. I cried and plead to go stay with the family friend, but they would hear none of it. It was a moment of anguish.

    Because my heart rate was very fast, they had to slow it down in order for me to be admitted into the psychiatric unit. I was given 2 IVs and several medications for this. I was very drugged and drowsy. When you're in this condition, you lose all sense of dignity. You feel like an animal and not a human. I felt like I was just a subject in a facility. I don't remember much after that b.c it was very late and I had many things in my system. All I remember was that I was finally admitted into the psychiatric unit at 3AM. I don't even remember re-dressing and falling asleep in that hard bed.
    My roommate was a stranger. I felt very scared.

    Let me just say, a psychiatric unit is the worst place you can ever be in. You feel dehumanized. You feel like a rat in an iron cage. You are with people who might or might not be worse than you are (mentally speaking). I was very afraid. The food was horrible. I lost some weight and looked very frail. You also have NO concept of time. You never know what day it is or what time of the day it is. Although there are 2 clocks on the wall, you fail to look at them because you are always looking around you...making sure nobody is staring or coming near you.

    During my stay, I was interviewed by nurses, doctors, and psychiatrists. I was placed on anti anxiety and anti depressant drugs.

    My family friend was my only link to the outside world. She told me that my parents were very frail emotionally, but were being receptive, something that surprised me. I got a letter from home saying that they would always love me and that I would always have a special place at home. This surprised me very much. I was not expecting this. I felt a lot of joy. Also, I got letters from my family living in South America showing support as well. Again, I was shocked because I was expecting them to turn me away. Seeing as they are religiously and socially conservative, I thought the worst.

    However, some in my family such as my aunt and great aunt are open minded. I did not know this. I just assumed they were all the same.

    In any case, I was in the psychiatric unit for 3 days and a half. I couldn't sleep in that place. I always had my guard up. You have no sense of privacy. The only space you have is the bathroom inside of your room.

    During my stay, I spoke with a non denominational woman who explained to me that you do not have to be religious in order to form a relationship with God. You said that God loves all His children no matter what, and that I should not be afraid to open up my heart to Him. This process is going to take me a very long time...

    I was also harassed by a schizophrenic patient for two days. I was very scared that he might do something since he had episodes of rage. Very scary.

    The final trial was a meeting with my parents. This would be the factor that determined whether I was discharged or not.

    I was SO scared and nervous before this meeting took place. When my parents arrived, they showed affection towards me. We met with 2 social workers and the main psychiatrist and talked. They told them that all the family was showing support for me and a lot of love. They said that it would take them a LONG time to get used to the fact that I'm gay, but nevertheless, the love for a son is above everything. I was glad to hear this. The rest of the meeting went well, and I was thus discharged, ready to go home.

    I don't really remember much of my stay in the psychiatric unit, and it's best that way. It was a horrible and tough experience.

    I am now at home, and everything is ok. My parents need their space and have asked me to communicate more with them. They have also told me that they will always love me. Also, my family from abroad has shown support too. My aunt even came on the quickest plane to see me.

    What I have learned from this is that you can never assume the negative. You should not let fear tear you apart. I was scared and nervous regarding how my parents would react...and things turned out completely different.

    I hope that my story serves as a form of inspiration to some of you who are struggling with this situation. I am glad that I went through this struggle, because now I am a stronger person. I felt like I was alone...and discovered otherwise. There IS a light at the end of the tunnel. When a struggle ends, we begin a new one. We just have to be positive and be prepared to face whatever comes our way.

    I'll end with this: Today is the tomorrow that I worried about yesterday. Stay in today.

    Love to you all! <3
     
  2. You went through a lot there. It's good to hear that you've gotten help. Now you need to update your Out Status. :slight_smile:

    You have to be really tough to go through all that. I probably would have ended up like that skitzo guy.

    Best of luck in the future!
     
  3. Alex19

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    im glad everything turned out ok for you!!!
     
  4. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

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    What an amazing story! I am so glad that you got the help you need. I'm sure it was hell being where you were, but at the end, you come out stronger, with a greater understanding of the value and importance of your life. And your story can be both an inspiration and a warning to others.

    I wish you the best. Please stick around and contribute more; you've got a lot to share :slight_smile:
     
  5. D_Alejandro

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    Thank you guys! <3