Ok, here goes this Spanish guy again I would like to post more here, but the fact that I need the double of time for read/write an article and the university by itself are preventing me from being more active Anyway, today I would like to know if I'm really accepting myself as gay or I'm still inside my own closet. It varies. Sometimes, when I'm alone, I think: "Whoa! I love being as I am, I wouldn't change it with anything!" :icon_bigg Unfortunatelly, many other times I feel very ashamed with myself, specially if I'm with friends. For example, the other day we were in the uni (I think university can be also called 'uni' ), and one of my friends said: "I think that xxxxx(not me) is gay". This started a conversation of this friend and the others that were there about the sexuality of xxxx. In that moment, I could have said "Hey! I'm gay!", but I only got blushed and, luckily, no one noticed. :icon_redf This has made me think...Aside the fear of the reaction that could have one friend when he hears that I'm gay, there's some shame. And if I don't get rid of it, I'll never be prepared for tell the truth to anyone! I think the same kind of shame appears when I think of talking with my bro or my parents about homosexuality. In fact... *now realizes* ...I even feel weird when I type "gay" here! :eek: So...I think that, althought sometimes I feel comfy with myself, I'm still with lots of inculcated ideas inside my head. What can I do for remove it all and be really/irremediably proud of myself? :help:
I think you're going through what most of us goes through. It takes time to really get comfortable that you're gay - that you totally accept it. It did with me. But with time, it gets better. Hanging out here is good - because you can read about all the other gay and bisexual people who are happy and being open and honest with their friends. I was nervous about coming out at first. (I guess I still am a little.) But now it simply is what it is. I'm gay. I don't need to apologize for it. I don't need to be embarassed or ashamed of it. I'm gay - and I'm a really amazing person. You'll get to that point too. Just keep working on it.
one your fear is totally understandable, so don't think freak yourself out too much about that. How your friends view you is going to change, and change is scary. But, fear is like a the boogieman, it loves to hide where you csn't see it away from where light can shine on it and show how small and dismissible it is. You're going to have these feelings until you come out, we all did, but once your on the other side of the closet door you'll see things aren't as scary as you first thought.
well it will take time. Anyway since you at uni, I guess your uni may have a gay and lesbian organisation. If I were in your shoes I would attend at least one of there meetings. Well during my uni days I regreted on not attending any of these.
Like the others say, you are in the middle of your self-acceptance process, and many if not most of us have been there. Keep working at it and you will get more and more comfortable with being gay, and you'll get less and less concerned with what other people say. Although I did find that cringing when others spoke ill of gays and lesbians never really went away until I came out. I think it was because at that point I was free to say something to them about it - I felt asahmed of myself when they said things and I didn't speak out. Curiously, though, it stopped after I came out to them... now they won't say these things when I'm in the room because I'm gay... is that a benefit? Anyway, keep at it. You're on your way to the kind of happiness that many of us have found at the end of the road you're on!
Thank you all for your advices! As I see, the feeling of shame will not dissapear until I tell my friends, because it's produced by the fact I'm not telling my friends! So the day I'll come out to them I'll get blushed Hope it will be worth! I'll keep working on it
