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trying. and failing.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by travelinsoul21, Apr 20, 2010.

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  1. travelinsoul21

    travelinsoul21 Guest

    I've tried at least 3 times today, to tell my mom that i'm gay and I can't do it. I want to respect her enough to tell her verbally, but I just can't. I can't. What should I do? I want to tell her!!
     
    #1 travelinsoul21, Apr 20, 2010
  2. travelinsoul21

    travelinsoul21 Guest

    Should I email her? Should I write a letter? Should I just spill the beans verbally? Please help!
     
    #2 travelinsoul21, Apr 20, 2010
  3. KneeDragger

    KneeDragger
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    When I came out to my wife I kind of knew that I wouldn't be able to say the words. So I wrote a letter as a fallback. When the time came, I just couldn't talk about it. Instead, I handed her the letter, sat there while she read it, and then talked with her about it. The letter basically broke the ice and made it easier to talk about. My letter was written a couple of days prior to telling her. I was able to revise it over and over until I was happy with what it said.
     
    #3 KneeDragger, Apr 20, 2010
  4. RaeofLite

    RaeofLite
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    (*hug*) First, are you out to some supportive friends? Who you know you can turn to? You need a support network first to turn to if things go haywire. Are you comfortable with looking yourself in the mirror and saying, "I'm gay, and I'm ok with that." and truly meaning it?

    Have you gauged your mom's reaction to gay people in general? Do you think she'd be ok with realizing her son is gay? Generally more open minded people are ok with this.

    Have you looked at pflag.org? They're a good support site. Or maybe look up some Gay related books on Coming Out or Commonly asked questions at your library or local book stores to have on hand when you do come out.

    Those are just some suggestions before you disclose the news.
     
    #4 RaeofLite, Apr 20, 2010
  5. travelinsoul21

    travelinsoul21 Guest

    I have felt my mother out on a few things like gay rights, and she seems for them, and many many years ago, after some gay porn was found on my computer, when i was like 17, she asked me if I was gay and I said no(didnt understand or accept it then) And then she said that she would always love me no matter what. I have a couple of supportive people that I'm out too, but I don't foresee any issues with coming out to my mom, I just need to gather the courage to do it.
     
    #5 travelinsoul21, Apr 20, 2010
  6. travelinsoul21

    travelinsoul21 Guest

    This is my sample letter that I'm thinking about sending to my mom



    ===========================================================



    Mom,

    I love you more than you could ever know. What follows is one of, if not the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and I'm sorry beyond words that I couldn't bring myself to say it in person.
    I'm gay.
    It's awkward to say in person. It's awkward to write on paper. I want you to know that I am the same person today as I was yesterday, and I'll be the same person tommorow. I know that this may bring up a lot of questions for you and after you read this, I'll be more than willing to answer all of your questions. The only thing that's changed is that you know who I really am. I know that my life will not be an easy path. But I think I always knew that. I haven't told anyone else in the family besides Rachel. I want you to talk to me and ask me any questions that you have and I'll answer them. I will ask you this, please do not tell anyone else right now. I will let other people know as I feel ready. This is a big step for me and for our entire family. I love you. Always and forever.

    XXXXXX
     
    #6 travelinsoul21, Apr 20, 2010
  7. Chip

    Chip
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    The letter looks great. But honestly, this will be a non-event. Your mom already knows, and probably knew before she found the gay porn on your computer. Moms tend to have a sixth sense.

    So give her the letter and get it over with. I'm confident that you'll feel an amazing sense of freedom once you're out to her :slight_smile:
     
    #7 Chip, Apr 20, 2010
  8. travelinsoul21

    travelinsoul21 Guest

    Thanks. I'm going to go over it again tommorow, then either email it to her or write it on paper and give it to her.
     
    #8 travelinsoul21, Apr 20, 2010
  9. RaeofLite

    RaeofLite
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    Well if that's the letter, you may want to add that you're "gay" or at least not straight in there. If it's just a sample of the letter, then I say go for it. :slight_smile: Your mom seems supportive from what you've posted here. You lucky guy. :slight_smile: (courage (*hug*) from me)
     
    #9 RaeofLite, Apr 20, 2010
  10. adam88

    adam88
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    Go for it! It will ease your mind, and ease hers as well. She only wants you to feel at ease with yourself. :slight_smile:
     
    #10 adam88, Apr 21, 2010
  11. Filip

    Filip
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    The letter looks good! Short and to the point.
    And if she already announced it would be no big deal and she would still love you, I'm sure that it will go through with no problem.

    And down't worry about not being able to do it for the first few times. "Near-coming-out-experiences" like that are perfectly normal. don't see it as a failed attempt. Rather see it as a dressed rehearsal. Every time you're trying to tell her, you're getting closer to actually doing it!

    I think what helped most for me when I wanted to come out to my mom was to just set myself a deadline, and posting it here. After setting an expectation and communicating it to other people (even just online) it was much harder to crawl back.

    I'm sure you can do this! Now, we do expect a report on how it went by tomorrow, so please let us know :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
    #11 Filip, Apr 21, 2010
  12. travelinsoul21

    travelinsoul21 Guest

    I sent the email. I won't talk to her until after work. I'll update you guys tonight
     
    #12 travelinsoul21, Apr 21, 2010
  13. titaniumCloset

    titaniumCloset
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    You sent her that letter now in a email? Congrats...is she at home or at work? Good luck tonight.
     
    #13 titaniumCloset, Apr 21, 2010
  14. Lexington

    Lexington
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    The main thing about "coming out" - always and always - is that it's something to get beyond. Some of us might look back and wish the circumstances would've been different. We might wish we had told them sooner, or later, or in person, or less angrily, or more matter-of-factly. But EXTREMELY few of us wish we hadn't done it all. We got to the other side, and that's all that matters. And now, so have you. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
    #14 Lexington, Apr 21, 2010
  15. travelinsoul21

    travelinsoul21 Guest

    Well it's just to my mom and my 2nd mom. It went great. We will talk tonight but the text she sent me was just what I was expecting
     
    #15 travelinsoul21, Apr 21, 2010
  16. Lexington

    Lexington
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    Excellent! Welcome to the other side. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
    #16 Lexington, Apr 21, 2010
  17. Jay D

    Jay D
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    I think this is a great way to tell your momma - not too impartial but still a well penned letter - a great fallback letter. Have courage, my friend!!!
     
    #17 Jay D, Apr 21, 2010
  18. adam88

    adam88
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    Let us know how it goes. :slight_smile: You'll feel much better after it's over with. :slight_smile:
     
    #18 adam88, Apr 21, 2010
  19. travelinsoul21

    travelinsoul21 Guest

    It's done with. A little awkward at times, but it went well.
     
    #19 travelinsoul21, Apr 21, 2010
  20. Windmills

    Windmills
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    Awesome! I'm glad it went well :icon_bigg
     
    #20 Windmills, Apr 21, 2010
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